Unhinged

Trump stood in front of generals giving a slurring and incoherent speech about using them to control American cities. 

This is deeply Orwellian stuff. 

If this doesn't frighten the rank and file plus all civilians then nothing will. Trump wanting to invade Portland, Oregon based on video from 2020 shows how much the people around him are scared to death of this fool.

They should just show the imbecile live video of farmer's markets and people drinking lattes hoping it might work.

What an f'ing nightmare for normal thinking Americans.

Ben slept here

I was walking in the old city this morning on my way to meet my friend Sylvie and snapped a few pics in front of the Château Ramezay where Benjamin Franklin once stayed trying to convince British loyalists here to join the revolutionary war.

Sylvie and I ended up going to the Expo World Press Photo exhibition and we were duly impressed. The press photo of the year for 2025 is of a nine year old Palestinian boy who lost both his arms during the recent conflicts. It is positively haunting photo as was much of the rest of the exhibit.

A marriage of convenience

So far so good regarding the Temu ballet flats I bought a while back. I've worn them quite a few times for hours at a time and they hold up very well. They are comfortable plus stylish such that I could get away with a formal occasion thanks to the patent finish. 

I don't own a lot of shoes (less than 15 pairs to be sure) because I don't need them however comfort must always form part of the equation because I walk everywhere. Even my pumps are low with square and solid heels that make me less fearful of wearing them over an entire day if need be. 

I'm not into pain for no good reason and most women I know in my age range feel exactly the same. That being said I don't necessarily need to sacrifice style to be comfortable. 

My choices now reflect a marriage of convenience.

One of the wonderful benefits of unification of your masculine and feminine animas is that you fuse all aspects of yourself together. Thus pragmatism, style, vanity, comfort and functionality are married together and you feel much more whole as a result.

Imposition

Human beings are motivated primarily by love and fear. This is why we search for approval, huddle into groups but also tend to fear and sometimes hate what we don't understand. Our psychology is built on this fundamental paradigm. 

Even if you are a secure person yourself you will run into others who aren't and must navigate their insecurity through tactics we are forced to learn in life. 

People build personal narratives to protect themselves from the world but they can be erroneous and limiting and because we feel compelled to comply to the rules, we are left with only a partial portrait of who we are or could be. It is like viewing life through a foggy lens. 

Those of us who don't fit neatly (or at all) into boxes that meet cultural norms are left with the challenge of how much neck to stick out before we are spotted and ridiculed. If we are tired and no longer want to live in fear of the herd, risks must be taken.

What should help us is the knowledge that most people are deeply afraid of leading authentic lives and hence we are not damaged goods but instead people  looking to break out of what was imposed upon us.

Knee deep

Trump supporters aren't all the same. There are those who are completely gullible and despite their worsening conditions earnestly believe (thanks to their programming) that their lives will get better under his watch. They aren't the worst. 

The ones who are most objectionable are those who are benefitting from his policies but know he is reprehensible asshole and a crook. They ignore the suffering of others and are happy as long as they get their tax cut or some other benefit. They are more than fine with others bearing the brunt of the regime's cruelty. 

This kind of approach is mind boggling to me because its like saying about your country "I don't mind if you shit in the living room as long as I have my gas mask on". 

Eventually, however, you are just walking knee deep in shit all the time with nowhere to go to avoid it.

Gotcha

The nuances inherent in issues have largely disappeared in this age of whataboutisms and gotcha finger pointing. 

I was watching a clip of Bill Maher and Rob Reiner where the former was talking about trans kids and surgeries with complete obtuseness and lack of knowledge of the subject matter. Maher had simply jumped on a right wing talking point without having sufficient information. 

Sadly, this is what passes for discourse today where the truth is often hidden under layers of argumentation meant to score points instead of provide clarity and help people understand what is involved. 

Trans kids don't have elective surgeries without first being treated by experts who then recommend tiny steps forward only as required. To hear Maher explain it they were walking in to clinics and coming out the same day with body alterations. Sometimes these kids err along the way just like people who opt for other types of elective surgeries yet nobody tries to interfere with them. 

Maher, who has become unwatchable, now plays footsie with the right wing as he enters his golden years by notching up his "you kids get off my lawn" curmudgeon aesthetic to an 11.

Do human beings do things that they may later regret? Just about everyone. Welcome to the human race but the obsession with transgender people is getting tiresome.

The truth is always hidden somewhere under the bluster and the misinformation.

Until you've done some homework, please shut up Bill.

Only 22!

Young Adam Mockler confronts obnoxious troglodyte and Trump sycophant Scott Jennings and more than holds his own...

Obsession

 

Exasperation

Stupidity isn't the lack of capacity for intelligence but instead the insistence that we can be correct about something without considering the possibility of bias or needing to examine all angles of our thinking. In other words, reasonable doubt must be considered and critical thinking applied. 

This is such a common problem that it has a name called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Today, we are immersed in a full blown epidemic of it thanks to social media and the power of people's convictions that they understand things without going further than their certainty. 

As a result, subject matter experts have become superfluous entities. 

"My mother never took Tylenol during her pregnancy with me and since I'm not autistic, this must mean that taking it must cause autism" 

This monumentally stupid statement instantly fails basic critical thinking and yet it passes inspection for many in today's world. 

I was telling my mother on the phone yesterday that I need to let this go because otherwise I will spend the rest of my life in sheer exasperation.

The psychology of retirement

Retirement introduces new biorhythmic cycles which can take time to adapt to. It's almost going to be three years since I retired and I have established a routine which works (if imperfectly) and blends structure with looseness and room for surprises. 

When you live alone (I rarely see my daughter) you spend a lot of time in your head. You don't have someone else to focus energy on which is less a complaint than an observation. If I've learned anything in my life is that the grass is always greener on the other side until you actually get it (please see Kierkegaard)

Older transgender people have more work to do at retirement because their psychology was embroiled in some form of denial or at least repression. Many came to self-acceptance grudgingly and sought ways to avoid transition rather than embrace it. 

Coming to retirement forces a resolution process especially when faced with the reality of a third and final act of life. 

If you had proposed to me the idea in my twenties (in the 80's) that I would be living like I do now I would have considered it preposterous and undesirable science fiction. Thus going from that mindset to today was an arduous process. 

The psychology of retirement is immersed in the lack of obligations and must-do's which can and does confuse many if you aren't prepared. Quite a few in my age range have gone back to work despite the chaos and pressure of the engineering profession.

It's one of the reasons that many people, when placed in empty rooms with no distractions and no tech to rely on, start to squirm and would rather give themselves little electric shocks than just sit there with nothing but their thoughts for company.

The era of outrage

This is the era of outrage. Everywhere you look online it's about people putting others in their place with personal attacks, trolling and gotcha comebacks meant presumably to massage egos and release pent up frustrations.

It's cruelty run amok. 

Trumpism is definitely about cruelty and it was sown on a soil ripe with uncertainty after the 2008 financial crisis. The 2020 pandemic ramped things up even more and the tension has never let up since. Culprits were identified and used as pin cushions for societal ills best blamed on human greed.

We are nearing the end of a cycle which began post World War II and will eventually usher in a new one. The problem is that these cycles tend to end in turmoil and we don't want it to involve human suffering on a massive scale.

Resurgence

 

Careful

I need to be careful because once fear is gone what can remain is temper. I've worked on it but it can still sneak up on me and show me there is still work to do. We learn to defend ourselves in life but then there are remnants of outrage left to dismantle. 

The reason I tend to be blunt is because there has always been in me an underlying frustration with people and their unrepentant idiocy which this timeline only magnifies. They have shown me repeatedly how toxic some can be even as I take solace in some of the wonderful beings out there that, in the end, save my disposition and my faith in humanity. 

It doesn't always help my cause that, with advancing age, our filter disappears.

Un vrai desastre

If things are this bad after not even a year, imagine what a full Trump term will look like. It will be complete disaster. 

Everything is going from bad to worse.

Inflation is raising prices thanks to tariffs, farmers are losing their livelihood, ICE is running roughshod over people without restraint, detractors are being targeted for speaking out against the regime, minority rights are being rolled back and trampled at an unprecedented rate. 

It will only continue to worsen as Trump feels emboldened. 

Even I didn't know it would get this bad when in 2016 a Montréal French language reporter asked me in the street the morning after his election what I thought and responded "un vrai desastre" (a real disaster). 

Electing a dangerous clown has had grave consequences and they will be long lasting. A line has been crossed which will take many years for the world to, if not forget about, then at least to wash the bad taste from the mouth. 

In the meantime I hope the best for those Americans who desperately didn't want or ask for this.

Surprises

 

Envy

If "gender expression deprivation anxiety" is what dysphoria feels like then the emotion which best fits is envy. I think envy of the feminine is what describes it perfectly. 

Fortunately for many people this can be treated through very healthy expression or transition but for others it can become bottled up and left in an immature state where the psychology is problematic rather than uplifting. 

Remembering that our objective is to elevate self-esteem and calm, we should apply measures which point us in that direction. 

For many of us (certainly myself) my years of repression starting in childhood became problematic because I saw my core motivation as dysfunctional which created problems that need not have existed. Yes, there were societal roadblocks in my time which have largely disappeared, but I was adding to them through my own fear. It was like I was managing an illness rather than openly accepting a way of being.

The means we take to address that fear will be unique but if they are the wrong ones our authenticity will not feel properly fleshed out.

To add insult to injury, the unresolved envy we carried from childhood into adolescence may have become charged with sexual energy which only made things worse since it made us doubt our authenticity as well as our mental health. It also made us more susceptible to fall prey to caustic theories about gender variance.

Youth tends not to develop this blocked psychology which is why they have far less trauma to treat when they present to clinicians. I know because I've met them.

Orthodoxy

For the vast majority of us, our education around sex and gender beginning very early in childhood is the most profound and pervasive of our lifetime. Everything in society operates around it and there are politics surrounding it which are felt every day of our lives. Small wonder then that to infringe upon the rules surrounding this fundamental system can amount to heresy. 

Once the science around gender variance began to develop in the early 20th century, we started to realize that for some people this was a much more serious issue than for others. There were gradations present where some required medical intervention to lead normal lives. 

The interesting thing to note here is that the rigid rules around the binary created much of the problem for people who didn't fit properly within its constraints. In other words, much of the instruction we were told to follow was arbitrary and didn't form part of any inherent differences between natal males and females. 

However, socialization is considered much more important than personal instinct because society runs on predictable behaviour. If you break the rules of the master there must be consequences which is why gender variance of any type was traditionally met with such strong resistance. 

What we have done today is increasingly free people from the shackles of social rules which when not adhered to don't impede them from positively contributing to society. 

The fact that some people resist this freedom in others is entirely expected if we understand anything about human nature and its limitations. People are insecure almost by default and largely not into critical thinking.

The remaining work we have involves the natural selection which happens when people holding the old mindset begin to disappear naturally and are replaced by those who don't subscribe to the nonsensical aspects of our former orthodoxy.

State visit

 

If I ever lose my faith

 

Pete sends a letter

 

EscalatorGate

It's a sign of desperation.

Trump says that the left wants everyone to get transgender surgeries which reveals just how bad things are getting for him. Even his diehard base is finally catching on to this imbecile. 

Cultural attacks on a bogeyman will only work when they appear to be somewhat plausible. Transgender people who scare some Ma and Pa Kettles in deep red rural areas became convenient targets for these poor low information voters who feast on a steady diet of FOX News (I use the term loosely) and are constantly scared by Rupert Murdoch into voting against their own intetests. 

As his popularity plummets, the regime will get increasingly desperate and try for anything that sticks. The failing escalator at the UN suddenly became primetime news over at FOX and Nazi Barbie feigned outrage to a perennially stupid-looking Jesse Waters to hopefully light a fire among the base. 

It's increasingly not working.

Hypocrisy

My life experience has taught me that people who doth protest too much about the lives of others usually have issues regarding self-esteem and maybe the odd skeleton in the closet. For example, the worst types of homophobes have been known to be discovered having had relations with men. 

JD Vance who is a protégé of fellow conservative Peter Thiel (a gay tech bro) thought he was gay growing up and feared he might go to hell which helps explains his anti-gay stance. To be honest, he gives off gay vibes to this writer but there is nothing more powerful in this life than self denial (something I can personally attest to). 

Sofia Nelson, a former Yale Law School classmate of JD Vance who is transgender stated that she was once a close friend of his and at the time he seemed to hold sympathetic views about marginalized people. Nelson, who is a public defender in Detroit, has text messages and emails from Vance that prove his previous stance. 

However, political expediency is often more powerful than honor and dignity and I highlight Vance as well as Marco Rubio as flagrant examples of how doing backflips ultimately comes back to haunt you in the long run if you care about your legacy. 

If Vance truly is gay no one cares but then what people do care about is blatant hypocrisy.

The kidnapped Jesus

John Fugelsang has a show on SiriusXM that I've never heard of but this Daily Show interview regarding his new book on the bastardization of religion will give you some insight on him. 

This concept is not new of course. Jesus has been used and abused by governments and figureheads for generations. The charitable and forgiving Jesus gives way to a judgemental one who favors whatever policy that nation wants to uphold. 

The challenging Jesus who tells us to love our enemy and forgive them doesn't fit well into Trumpism of course. Yet the crosses are all over the necks of some of the more despicable characters in the regime regrettably not burning their skin. This deplorable old playbook will keep coming back again and again and currently it resides within the guise of christian nationalism. 

Jesus spoke against false prophets, Pharisees and money changers in the temple. The types of people that this movement embraces would be admonished by someone they would gladly call too woke were he to come back. They would fix that by crucifying him again in a heartbeat.

Whether you are openly religious, spiritual, agnostic or atheistic you should be able to recognize this kind of hypocrisy when you see it.

A blithering idiot

Trump spoke incoherently in front of the UN without the aid of a teleprompter and looked every bit the blithering idiot that he is. 

A 13 year old high schooler would have performed far better. 

77 million voted for this fool.

No honor among thieves

The thing about people without any guiding principles is that eventually they will come after each other. As Trump slowly but surely approaches his Julius Caesar moment, the people who first hated him and then suddenly converted to his side will come full circle and disown him. When you don't have any honor it's easy to make convenient twists and turns. 

If the general public has memories like goldfish, history does not and the entire unfortunate era of Trumpism will become a cautionary tale about the perils of falling for despots and their quick fixes particularly when they are laced with poisonous hatred.

In 40 years students will be digesting this episode of history like they do many others. There is a rise, a temporary fervor and then a collapse. During the entire time the same predictable traits of human nature will play themselves out without fail as they always do.

The people who think they get away scott free will be remembered for their treachery and lack of a backbone while the steadfast and honest find their place within historical redemption.

Where's the orchestra?

 

Who people see

My best friend says that he regularly sees someone whose birth sex eludes him. He isn't sure at all and yet who he sees is someone self-assured and oblivious to what others think. My friend even finds their manner of walking amusing because it is so unique. 

If we are more worried about how we are being perceived than about being ourselves we are making a mistake because I can tell you with absolute certainty that people can tell the difference.

Consequences

Even as Jimmy Kimmel returns to his show tonight many Americans have decided that they aren't going to re-subscribe to Disney+ or Hulu. They are sending a message that there are consequences for bending the knee to authoritarianism. 

The Charlie Kirk funeral was, as expected, political theater with Trump using the opportunity to say he does not forgive political enemies but instead cherishes persecuting them. Malignant narcissism at this level and at his age is incurable. 

Learning the consequences of shoddy voting and taking your already tepid democracy for granted may yet see the country avoid complete collapse provided that there are still midterm elections next year.

On another note, Jeffries and Schumer must go. You don't want corporate schills who are only capable of writing strongly worded letters as your leaders.

Delusion

The increasing likelihood of collapse of the American economy will finally cure the most rabid Trump supporters. Not because they've had a Jesus moment but because the incompetence has finally touched them and they can make the direct connection to their leader. 

Suddenly the idea of hating the "other" will become a lot less appealing. 

This moment has been coming for a while now. Like a simmering pot that finally comes to a boil after all the ingredients have been added. Decades of one side hating the other have blinded people who are obtuse to the reality that their democracy is collapsing under its own weight. Greed and corruption are no longer sustainable. 

When no one pays enough taxes there isn't enough money to keep the country afloat and what was good enough for America in the 1950's now passes for socialism. The hyperbole about drowning government in the bathtub will pay off in making sure the largest number of people possible share in the misery while the ultra wealthy sliver of the population reap the benefits. 

To add insult to injury the poorest Americans will bear the brunt of the kind of ill-advised tariff policy that helped kick off the great depression.

At this point, to look at Trump and his regime as anything other than a clown car on its way off a precipice would require a monstrous amount of self-delusion. A delusion that is hopefully slowly but surely coming to an end.

Operating out of fear versus preference

I ended up having a problem with leading a compartmentalized life when I realized that the primary reason for its existence was fear-based psychology instead of out of preference. 

It was fear of rejection and fear of ridicule which drove the way I lived although I will grant that there were structural issues regarding coming out later in life as I was well known in my industry. Thus as I neared the end of my career, it became more of an event to do so than if I was near the start. However had I been younger I simply would have transitioned at work with the green light from HR which I had received some years before. 

The point is that we should examine what is driving our psychology and if is mostly fear-based then I am here to tell you that this is a mistake. 

People who think they are being altruistic to family, friends and partners by denying who they are feed into degrading their own self esteem; you are telling them that you are somehow less than. Even my ex-spouse has hinted many times indirectly that she shouldn't have initiated divorce in spite of the fact that other major differences existed between us. 

Also, to date I have lost only one friend and gained many more. 

If we are primarily living out of fear we might want to examine how realistic it is because I can tell you that, from where I sit today, 90% of mine was entirely unwarranted.

The darker times

The progress with our dysphoria doesn't happen during the heady postive times but instead during the periods of most doubt. It is in the darkness that the real work is done. 

It's easy to be euphoric but when you are feeling negative and everything is put into question is when we need the most elbow grease and work on the psychology. 

People who are already happy with some sort of formula are fine but if you are still unsure about your resting spot it can be daunting sometimes regarding what to do. The most progress I have made was during the heavy questioning that had me feeling negative about how to handle life openly while belonging to a small fragment of society. 

In that sense we should embrace the darker periods since we do our most productive introspection then.

The same old song

If you are despondent about this horrible timeline I have some good news: people have always been this monumentally stupid but they simply didn't have the power of access that they do now. The megaphones didn't exist for them. 

Podcasts like Piers Morgan's and many others make money by drawing in eyeballs and fanning outrage and many people are more than happy to oblige. We yell at our screens or comment and nothing changes except maybe our blood pressure. 

We survive in spite of our stupidity and we go through historical cycles where the weight of bad judgement results in a wave of change which begins another cycle of prosperity. We aren't strategically smart but instead end up correcting the excesses of our often horrific ideas. 

The fundamental flaws are permanent because our fear, greed and stupidity are baked in.

Listen up Pete

 

Matching energy

Some people aren't the least bit shy and so we can be called upon to sometimes match their energy. I will be sitting in the metro and they will almost invade your personal space as they look at the metro map right behind your head. 

If you squirm uncomfortably they will pick up on your fear and discomfort. 

Depending on the person I will either smile or give them a slight frown to signal that they are infringing too close. The same goes for people who love to stare at others. 

This morning I was on the metro sitting next to people about my age going to see the Montréal marathon and their speaking Spanish made them notice that my attention was piqued. A friendly smile on my part opened up a short discussion with the two women and the man who ended up being very nice. 

All this to say that matching energy becomes important such that we protect our space and dignity while at the same time being able to open the door to the right people.

The public can tell when we are in the right head space. It's like we give off a scent.

Connecting the dots

The south Korean engineers helping to start up the EV battery plant in Georgia had perhaps not expected the level of toxicity they recently experienced in the US. A woman had called ICE who responded and dealt with them like criminals despite the fact that they held the appropriate visas. These specialists were there to commission equipment and automation and train the US workers who would eventually run the plant.

A $400 billion dollar investment by South Korea is now put into question thanks to ineptitude measuring an 8.0 on the Richter scale. 

Racism is alive and well among many white Americans who still see black, brown and even Asian people as not qualifying to be fellow citizens. It's like they never got over the Civil War. 

A woman recently canceled her Airbnb reservation when she drove into the property which was adorned like a political vigil to Trump. Within 5 minutes she canceled her reservation leaving the owner (MAGA hat on head) confused as to why not everyone appreciates cruelty and stupidity with the same fervor. 

Farmers who have lost their Chinese soy bean market to Brazil (not to mention the USAID consumers in Africa who went hungry), now want government bailouts as reparation for their lack of political judgement. 

Why so many people lack basic critical thinking skills continues to beffudle me even as I've learned to always expect it. They don't seem to understand how the dots line up until the consequences of those connections hit them squarely on the forehead.

200%

Some people seem to think I have something against those who identify as "crossdressers" which I very much don't. Granted I am not overly enamored of the sometimes stunted teenage girl level lack of maturity and psychology but I support them 200% to live as they choose. 

If anything  I wish they were a little braver in 2025. Many if not most tend to be older and feel cornered by life circumstance.

It bothers me that many feel trapped like I once did and would like them to be more emboldened to be more open and to not feel that they need to hide or feel shame.

No one who feels trapped and powerless can more forward into new ground. It's never too late to make changes.

Goodbye Stranger

 RIP Rick Davies...

In unison

Americans are speaking with their wallets and Disney is shitting their pants following cancelation by millions to their streaming services. Things got so bad that their site crashed as people went en masse to register their displeasure over the indefinite removal of Jimmy Kimmel's late night show from ABC airwaves. 

The best way to fight the authoritarian instincts of an increasingly mentally declining buffoon is for people to push back in unison. Disney now has a black mark on their record which they may not fully recover from proving that weak-knee capitulation is a very bad idea. The company that tells stories about standing up to bullies betrayed their own principles and will regret it.

Three friends

I had lunch yesterday with three female colleagues (ranging between their late 30's and early 50's) who are difficult to assemble in one location thanks to the frantic pace of my former company. They are all doing well but then a good deal of the conversation hovered around work frustrations which is very understandable. They remind me of the stress I lived under for years which was punctuated by the gender dysphoria I did my best to manage. 

I've known them for years and they know all about my journey; maintaining a level of support I couldn't have imagined receiving years ago. I am just part of their group and they never falter with their use of pronouns. 

The difference I notice is mostly in my internal progress which they are of course not privy to. The discourse regarding where I was going to land with my day to day life going into retirement wasn't something they could viscerally understand even if they were extremely empathetic to what it might have been like had they been in my place. 

What is patently clear is that I have grown greatly in comfort and confidence over time which makes you more present to people. You aren't second guessing how you are being perceived because you are being yourself instead of putting on a mask. 

If I've learned anything in my life is that we constantly morph and change to hopefully become more authentic people. You don't care who is looking or why and, as a result, people can tell you know who you are. 

We texted each other afterwards and in response to me saying how lovely it was to see them altogether, Nadine wrote "it was lots of fun spending time with you ladies. Free group therapy!" 

Indeed; therapy for us all.

Steal

I have a keen eye for thrifting and when I saw this leather backpack purse for $15 I couldn't believe my luck. I can't live without this type of bag and one in such good condition at this price was a steal. 

The lady at the counter was very impressed with my find.

Sometimes in life it's when we aren't looking that we hit upon the best things.

Almost mandatory

There are no shortcuts to overhauling psychology. Something as primordial as our education in childhood which included gender rules cannot be refashioned overnight. This explains why everytime I thought I had arrived at a baseline I continued to progress into a different version of myself. 

If you don't need to undergo this process then be glad. However if your dysphoria is powerful enough to have had you seriously consider transition, it becomes almost mandatory.

Boycott

 

"What, Me Worry?"

I spent much of my life worrying and wasting energy which is why I counsel my children to work on eradicating this human flaw as much as they can. Given how much life will throw curve balls your way there is no point in it. Most of my fears never materialized but I braced for them regardless which made me feel obliged to build a suit of armor to go into battle. 

That readiness is no longer required but the instincts remain and they show up most often in the disdain I have for the world's unfairness. Knowing I cannot fix the world, I drop my preparedness to attack and embrace calm. 

I can have a very nasty disposition when it's needed but I have chosen to dismantle it slowly and be more forgiving of people who are largely more ignorant than full of malice. 

So I embrace the motto of Alfred E Neuman and say "What Me Worry?"

If you can keep it

Hitler did the same thing in Germany in the 1930's that Trump is doing in today's America. It is a slow and methodical capitulation by companies, universities and individuals who give up without a battle. It is then left up to the people to boycott and protest. 

This is how the Weimar Republic gradually became the Third Reich. 

American writer Sinclair Lewis is attributed with saying that when fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross which is precisely what has happened. American jingoism was already well-entrenched with the only missing element being the blurring of politics and religion which is always a deadly mixture. The US evangelical movement which is basically a perversion of traditional faith has been the element which could be the final nail in the coffin for US democracy; one that now hangs precariouly in the balance. 

I firmly believe that you get the government you deserve and the sad state of education in America virtually guaranteed that a complete imbecile would eventually take over the reins.

Societies are roughly split into the hopelessly gullible, the distracted and obtuse, the malevolent and finally the intelligent and just with the latter being the smallest faction.

That basically explains everything.

It's over

Jimmy Kimmel has had his show indefinitely suspended because MAGA had a complete melt down over comments made during his monologue regarding the Charlie Kirk shooting.

Beyond ludicrous. I suppose Seth Meyers is next.

No doubt that the orange blob had a hand in this. Good luck America; you had a nice run but now it's over.

Smells fishy

Something smells fishy about the text message exchange between Tyler Robinson and his boyfriend. Read the texts and you realize that no GenZ texts like that. I know because I have two of them as children. The use of language is very atypical for them and no GenZ calls his father "my old man".

I am not in any way a conspiracy theorist but the fact that two incompetent dolts like Kash Patel and Dan Bongino are running the FBI makes me ask questions. 

None of the clowns in the corrupt Trump regime can be trusted.

Performing gender

The reason why impostor syndrome exists and even thrives spectacularly among transgender people is because many are worried about being able to adequately, as Judith Butler says, "perform gender". They look at the social expectations and determine that they can't possibly meet them. As a result they are perturbed with being found out or not "passing" (a regrettable term). 

There are masculine women out there who are not worried about being mistaken for men (although some are) and simply live as they desire. The same psychology should instill itself in transgender people which should help solve a great deal of their stress. 

I can tell you with certainty that everything about you will change once this negativity is dealt with and you will be received far better by people.

Is this insecurity understandable? Absolutely; particularly among older people raised under a strict binary. However that shouldn't automatically mean getting stuck there.

The great unraveling

These are dark times to be sure. Societies are unraveling which is largely being driven by economic forces. The majority of the population is in the 'have-not' category which is unsustainable. 

No great surprise then that the countries with the highest degrees of unfairness are having the most internal turmoil. The US is living through the consequences of letting its working class carry the brunt of decades of poor policies and abuses by its ruling class. 

It's all coming to a boiling point which is why tempers and outrage are being fanned to keep the people from revolting. Social media has become a cesspool after its humble beginnings of simply trying to keep up with friends.

What happens now and when is anyone's guess, but if we base ourselves on the old authoritarian playbook, at a certain point you pass a limit and the dominos fall quickly in succession.

The sweet spot

I have discovered over the years that the sweet spot involves not thinking about yourself in terms of a gender. I don't mean calling yourself gender fluid or bi-gender but primarily to think of yourself as you and stop there. 

Splitting yourself into halves is even worse because it plays into stereotypes where you are playing a role in either guise. Ostensibly you are either playing the role of man or woman and we aren't performing seals but instead individuals. We risk being caricatures instead of being authentic.

No, the ultimate formula is to think about your essence and your authenticity decoupled from the definitions of society. You become yourself in isolation of those obligations which is the doorway out. Your psychology around this issue matures as a result.

This is particularly relevant if you have no plans to transition.

Once that mindset is nestled in your brain you have hit the sweet spot.

Being open

It was tight quarters at the little Cafe Myriade yesterday and my small table was nestled between a young woman on her laptop and an older lady sipping tea and reading her book. After a while another woman comes in asking if anyone has seen a little purse. The three of us look at each other and confirm that we haven't. 

The older lady on my right makes a comment about having done that before and suddenly we are immersed in conversation. She sees my purse on the floor by my feet and notes how wrapped up in conversation we can get up and leave it behind. 

This lady told me she was 89 (my mother's age) and I was aghast as she looked easily 10 years younger. She was Jewish and tells me her husband has been gone three years now. Of her four children only two are still living as her eldest were lost to cancer. She is part of that stiff upper lip generation that put up with so much and built up their resilience. She tells me what a horrible man Trump is and I concur with gusto. 

Of course she has little filter left like my mother and her tone is frank and open. Eventually we tell each other it's time to go but we promise to chat if we meet again. 

People can tell when you are open.

Posthumously sanitized

The death of Charlie Kirk has big time underlined the political divide in the US. What I found most fascinating was that when video of what Kirk stood for was shown on social media it was immediately criticized by the right in an attempt to whitewash his image. 

Was not what Charlie Kirk preached worthy to be cleariy shown as part of his legacy? After all this was available on his YouTube channel and shown on numerous debates. This would be confusing if human nature was not so clearly transparent. 

Trumpism is about giving people license to collectively hate which Kirk subscribed to. Therefore in spite of his regrettable death you don't get to sanitize the message posthumously and make him a hero for sowing division.

The Trump regime wanted to use this assassination as leverage but when your shooter turns out to be a radicalized youth with Republican roots it doesn't play well. Still, you can lie because a big chunk of the population is ostensibly clueless. 

The transgender partner cooperated and knew nothing of the scheme but that doesn't matter to the people trying to spin this story.

That the EU parliament rightfully refused a moment of silence for Kirk shows how they know it would mean tacit acceptance of the brand of intolerance he was selling.

Par for the course

My son and I were talking about the current state of the world and he acknowledged it can be daunting for youth to find a foothold within the current chaos. 

I was telling him that when I was his age we didn't get the barrage of information from all corners. We didn't have cell phones, computers were in their infancy and the internet was still only within the hands of a few academics. Fast forward to today and it's constant flood of opinion much of it unfounded vying for our attention. 

We are tempted to think people are stupider than ever but they aren't. They just have much easier access to your eyeballs. Stupidity is regrettably a permanent part of humanity.

When expertise was still valued, most people understood to keep caustic ideas to themselves for fear of being ridiculed. Today, they proudly trumpet them with the certainty that they have a captive audience who agrees with them. The same types of people that Mark Twain ridiculed in his time are alive and well in ours and are no smarter. 

If one were to spend their entire day on social media, they would come away in despair that there is no hope for our race. The bottom of the barrel is routinely scraped there. 

How we reverse this problem confounds me at the moment. What I do know is that the masses only learn through big consequences which is what will need to happen this time as well. As we finish this historical cycle and look forward to a reset, one hopes that the damage will be kept to a minimum. 

Brian Kilmeade who is a blithering idiot over at the FOX cult suggested that we could involuntarily euthanize poor people and just kill them. 

Mark Twain, upon hearing that, would just say to himself that it's simply par for the course.

No one wants it

No one wants or asks to have gender dysphoria. It is like asking for a permanent annoyance that hampers quality of life and one has to learn to live with or find coping mechanisms or solutions to keep it at bay. 

Someone responded to a comment on YouTube that I made regarding this issue which said that even people without dysphoria didn't always feel comfortable being pigeonholed by virtue of birth sex which I agree with. I responded to them that whatever helps improve their quality of life is a good thing. 

I suspect based on my reading that people experience dysphoria quite differently and at different levels but the phrase which always comes back to me is Anne Vitale's "gender expression deprivation anxiety" which comes closest to capturing what it feels like. 

Whatever our situation is, the only thing we need to focus on is applying measures that will work and continuing to uphold self-respect, self-esteem and transparency to those closest to us.

Out in the open

Precisely what Charlie did and Trumpism in a nutshell...

Un dimanche au plateau

 

Herself

I met my niece yesterday for coffee. She has moved into my hood with her girlfriend and was so happy to catch up as was I. She came out to her mother in her late teens (my youngest and favorite sister) and after some initial concern all is more than well. This is what happens when you have understanding parents who only want the best for you. 

She wanted to get into details of family history with me and I was happy to oblige. We were far from perfect as a group but gave off squeaky clean vibes through having been raised by exacting parents who valued education and comportment. 

My niece is slightly younger than my son with a disposition that is bubbly and inquisitive. Her page boy cut frames feminine chiseled features which betray a tendency to dress in more masculine attire. Were it not for her bone structure you could be forgiven for seeing a young teenage boy. 

Mostly though, she is just herself and there is nothing better.

The road to recovery

Charlie Kirk is now being lionized by the right wing and his death even handled with kid gloves by the mainstream media. His widow says the "movement will not die" referring to the caustic gospel that Kirk was spreading throughout college campuses. 

This is what happens when a society descends into hatred and division. It looks for the wrong people to blame for their own suffering. 

The fascism playbook historically never ends well and at the end of the process the US will be a shadow of its former self. It will need to rebuild itself into a nation where common sense and decency mostly prevail again but not after some blunt looking into the mirror takes place. 

Mass shootings and violence aren't the only problem but they represent symptoms of an underlying rot. People are angry that they losing ground economically having been led here by people who would blame the most marginalized groups as culprits. The ruling oligarchy stuffs their coffers while telling people to look elsewhere for the source of their suffering. 

Cultural witch hunts are always a diversion from an underlying truth. 

Many people aren't stupid and recognize what is happening to their nation but they are powerless to stop it. With a corrupt supreme court and congress bending the knee to a cult personality, not much can easily be done. That the leader is an idiot only worsens the problem.

However, the thing about a descent into a spiral is that there is always a bottom which once reached will activate a process of recovery. A process which I fear will take decades.

"Won't you be my neighbor"

Mr Rogers was on television during a slightly kinder era and Tom Hanks portrayed him very well on film. 

There is a sequence in the movie where Mr Rogers takes the subway and some school kids spontaneously break into his show's theme song. Afterwards the man accompanying him who is his biographer is shown the sign language equivalent of the word friend. 

Here is a moving comment I read recently which was inspired by that movie scene: 

"Once when I worked in a deli there was a deaf girl named Angelica. She really had no friends except for those who felt sorry for her. So once on my lunch break, I pointed at her and pointed towards myself and used this same sign of interlocking fingers and she hugged me so tightly I thought she was going to slap me but she knows how much this sign meant to her. I'm sure she went home and told her parents or room mates that for once I'm her life another employee, a stranger, showed that I loved her. She was my friend"

Game on again

It turns out that Tyler Robinson's roommate Lance Twiggs might be transgender (in process of transition) so the red meat is back on the table for the right wing brigade. It need not matter whether Twiggs had anything to do with the assassination at all. What's important is there is a transgender connection which is what they love. Twiggs is the one who tipped off the FBI but that doesn't matter to the conspiracy-driven haters who need there to be a leftist connection. 

So it's game back on.

Tag, you're it

The term 'trans' may one day water itself down to being meaningless which is maybe not such a bad thing. As our society develops a higher tolerance for diversity we may lose our instinct for labeling everything in sight. Instead we will just see people being people and leave them be.

Even now it is used so liberally that it brings up arguments among people including those who are gender variant. It is like a purity test which thankfully has lost much steam from its original heyday when it was brandished as a weapon. Transsexual women would sometimes have vitriol infused exchanges regarding their authenticity.

It turns out that human beings are odd and complex birds with all kinds of motivations which drive them. Something that makes tagging them all the more difficult.

Freedom of will

If all people were treated with respect we wouldn't need to group ourselves into clans. Traits like race, creed or gender wouldn't matter as much and we would simply measure value on the character of the person. 

Regrettably, human beings aren't as clever as that and we love to adopt the concept of the "other" so we can deal with our own insecurities and fears via comparison. Whoever is overly different from us is deemed scary and worthy of suspicion. 

It's very likely that this trait was developed in our early history as self-protection. We huddled into groups finding commonality through shared values and blood lines finding comfort and protection from predators who would steal our property or take our food source. 

All animals have this instinct and work in the same manner which means it's genetic and also helps propagate the survival of the species. While human beings have a higher capacity for altruism and kindness through our increased self-awareness and intellectual prowess, the flip side is our intelligence also produces more horrific outcomes because we can scheme much more efficiently. 

If we are dealing with genetics meant to be used for self-protection using them as weapons betrays their original intent. We are usurping a tool and using it for evil purposes instead of the common good. 

The price of having freedom of will.

Cliff explains things

 

Oops!

The right wing must be disappointed as Charlie Kirk's assassin wasn't a radical leftist, a visible minority, gay or transgender. He is instead a clean-cut 22 year old son of a Republican former Utah law enforcement officer and had received a scholarship to attend university. 

If nothing else this is a good result which should tone down the rhetoric but certainly not eliminate the country's worsening problems. The pitchforks and gallows would have come out had it been one of their cultural targets. 

Don't you hate it when the lines are blurred? This will really confuse the red meat Trump idiot base looking for black and white results. 

Radicalization of youth in this environment is not that surprising and after the pandemic many never regained their footing. This young man likely belonged to the alt-right Groyper movement who found Charlie Kirk far too tame and not hateful enough for them.

Middle aged dads

 

Just this minute

Just this minute I am sitting in a metro car diagonally across from a casually dressed transgender woman who is likely under 30. She is calm and collected and minding her own business. 

So are the rest of the passengers.

Plan B

Politically, Canada has more in common with Northern European countries than the US. In fact most western European democracies have more similarity to us. 

We think collectively and value the idea that most of our citizens be looked after. Rather than think in terms of rugged individualism we will give up having a very wealthy upper class to permit the existence of a social safety net. 

So while I grew up watching Gilligan's Island and the Flintstones, I became acutely aware of the key differences between us relatively early. Americans were more larger than life but we spoke more discreetly and tended to think more before doing so. This is a generalization but it does coincide well with my life experience. 

Mark Carney is now carefully making moves which will diversify our global alliances which I think is very wise. Even as we will continue to share much in common with our southern neighbours, we need to realize that a sizeable chunk of the country espouses values which are completely aberrant to the vast majority of Canadians. 

We need to have a plan B in this volatile and rapidly changing world of ours because our trust has been damaged.

A better use of energy

If we get flustered by weird stares or expressions on people's faces we will find being in public uncomfortable. For one thing they may not be thinking about us but simply glancing while reflecting on some personal issue. 

The more energy is spent on how we are being perceived by others the less is available for our authenticity. 

We are depleting energy for absolutely nothing.

Martyr

Before the shooter was even identified, the stupidest president of the United States in its 250 year history and his minions on the hard right were ramping up the rhetoric and talking openly of revenge against their perceived enemies. 

Charlie Kirk didn't deserve to die and his toxic ideology was best debated on college campuses which he will never be able to visit again. Instead he will now become a martyr and lightning rod for the cultural outrage that much of the country has fallen for. After being spoon fed hateful rhetoric about immigrants, women and LGBTQ people for decades on FOX News and other outlets, the right wing was waiting for such an opportunity to be outraged. 

Neoliberalism, globalization, greed and corruption got the country where it is but the rubes who can't see past yesterday didn't realize that the oligarchy is primarily to blame for the divisions. After being hypnotized for so long it will be difficult to sell them on reality. 

If Charlie Kirk's assassination sparks a wave of violence against progressives trying to bring the country back to fairness, it will only speed up a decline already well underway.

Thanks for nothing

I went to Sephora and got sticker shock plus another reason to hate Trump more than I already do. Not only had they changed their color line but the price of my usual foundation had almost doubled thanks to tariffs. If the tariffs get dropped I doubt there will be a subsequent price drop.

One of the young ladies helped me find my new shade. She was transgender by the way and roughly my daughter's age with a larger than life bubbly personality and confidence which was infectious. She was a big girl to boot.

"I'll help you honey" she says with a huge smile.

I left happy with the match but royally pissed about the tariffs.

Thanks Orange Mussolini.

Routine

I'm a very disciplined girl when it comes to eating. As we get older our metabolism slows down and the weight comes on faster and is harder to eliminate afterwards. I end up walking between 8 and 10 km per day all done before noon and eat healthy with some indulgences here and there. 

It's pretty much move in the morning and do the more sedate things in the afternoon. I have gone back to painting and music creation and piano playing never went away after starting at age 10 with my father's tutoring. One day I may add some other element to my arsenal but this is enough for now. 

Replacing a work routine isn't just about hobbies but about defining who you are besides an employee and a parent which many people don't reflect on and sometimes end up having a mini crisis of identity at retirement. 

I have a solid circle of friends who I see regularly (many of whom don't know my gender history) and this way I fulfill my need for human interaction. As a recovered shy person, I also have a penchant to striking up conversations with strangers which resulted in befriending and adding some of them to my inner circle. 

This work all began years ago before I retired and had I failed to do so I would be a bit lost today. As an older transgender person with years of denial and resistance behind me, this effort became all the more crucial. 

I tell everyone I know to do their prep in advance before stepping off that hamster wheel.

You proceed from there

As a natural introvert my daughter says she needs regular intervals of time alone away from her boyfriend who does not share that impulse even if he respects it. 

In retrospect I look at my own life within the confines of a relationship and know there is a tendency to find a baseline routine and then stop reflecting beyond it. The couple stops tweaking the formula and asking themselves whether it works until one day someone speaks out in frustration and possibly wants out.

There is no perfect formula of course but thinking that couplehood fixes your problems is a fallacy. It challenges your preconceived ideas and how elastic your compromise is and if you are lucky helps you erase your blind spots.

I tell my daughter and Ben that they must create their own recipe which disregards how others live. You negotiate the terms in advance knowing what makes you tick and isn't open for discussion because it violates who you are as a person. You are both good people but different in ways which must be respected.

You then proceed to build a life from there.

Escalation

Hard right conservative commentator Charlie Kirk has just been shot dead at a Utah Turning Point USA event as he was answering a question about shootings by transgender people. The strong 2nd amendment advocate has said that the price is of some deaths happening is not too high if Americans get to keep their gun rights. 

This story is dripping with irony. 

Of course no one deserves to be shot at for any reason but the recent escalation in America can be directly attributed to its current leadership and as predicted things will only grow worse before they get better. As the rhetoric ramps up so will the violence which no one should be exposed to or merits.

Is this the price of owning the libs?

Lover girl live

 

Desire

The Buddhists have it right in that desire causes suffering. The more we yearn for something out of reach the more we feel a disconnect that need not exist. The antidote is to be open to the universe rather than fight against its entropy. 

I feel better not wanting anything other than internal calm and harmony and whatever works towards that state is welcome. It may not even be in my sights but in my welcoming surprise I don't feel there is a void I must fill. 

Many of use desire as a pacifier to quell internal issues that would be best handled through quiet internal work on the self.

To disappoint

If we expect people to not disappoint us we're plum out of luck but then no one will do that better than ourselves. Self-defeatism plagues many of us as we accept our lot in life as if it were a sentence. 

Regrettably the courage to find ourselves fully outside of the sphere of influence of the world feels much more daunting than it needs to and once steps are taken outside our comfort zone we realize we should have done it sooner. 

That being said we must be primed to take jumps and work out the logistics before leaping. There is a delicate balance to be reached between reckless abandon and being stuck in place feet in concrete without seeing choices before us. 

My generation tended to run on auto-pilot and saw life with less options but with more safety in mind. Social expectation drove us forward as parents who had struggled early on in their lives hoped for a better life for us within predetermined roles which worked for most but not all.