Love song

 

Idiocracy

The polls show that its a dead heat between Harris and Trump. Can we say that this is the result of idiocracy? Without a shadow of a doubt.

An indicted, incoherent and narcissistic imbecile might just pull it off and the results down the line will be considerably uglier than the last time he was in power.

Less than 1% will decide it which simply boggles the mind. Canada is not immune from idiocracy either.

The mother of invention

Right before winter it's an odd time since it's cool in the early morning and warms up considerably by late morning.

Today I opted for a light sweater, houndstooth skirt, black leggings and my comfy walking ballerinas. On top went my Amazon fall coat which I end up using most of the winter by putting layers underneath.

Necessity is the mother of invention ;)

Unsuited

People who tend towards being vapid disinterest me and I look for those who have something to say regardless of education. Recently I was invited the home of the parents of my daughter's boyfriend for Thanksgiving and noted the difference between them. 

Both were very nice but there was a profundity in the mother which was notably absent in the father. Economics is what is holding them physically together in the same house as he has moved on to a new partner. The marriage still exists on paper but is long dissolved. 

He has much in common with me on the musical front but later over dinner when the conversation threatened to become more interesting it is she who impressed with her observations. That she is a writer no doubt helps her communicate more effectively. 

I came away from the evening happy but reflecting how unsuited they were for each other and, as she drove me home later, she admitted that their situation was not an easy one. I certainly could not do it without suffering mentally particularly if I were not the one who had initiated the dissolution.

Estrangement

Family dynamics are fascinating. When growing up you don't realize that the interplay between the players will result in political issues which impact people for many years into the future. I was watching a mid 40's woman explain why she had to go no contact with her extended family to save her mental health. She had been designated the family scapegoat and needed to escape the cycle which had kept her in that role. 

As we get older we realize that family ties may not be as beneficial to us as we once thought they would be. There is a distance created by a different lived experience which then requires a bridge be built to reconnect. The problem is that the relationship is sometimes deemed to be insufficiently beneficial aside from a reliance of shared genetics. We sometimes summarize it as "it's family" without sufficient weighing of what both sides gain after the passage of many years. 

For many people the holidays are fraught with angst over seeing people they barely got along with as children. The unions subsequently made and the children created only adding to an existing chasm. 

But there can come a time when everything is questioned particularly when a pandemic forces a full stop and a reflection on everything that came before.

Night after night

 

Benjamin typologies in phrases

For male to female gender variant people these short phrases could perhaps be said to be descriptive of the Benjamin classification scale:

Type I - "I like to dress once in a while. I am male" 

Type II - "I dress on a somewhat regular basis.  I am male" 

Type III - "I need to dress as often as possible and I am unsure about identity" 

Type IV - "I am unsure about whether I should transition and I present as a woman as much as possible. I question identity and feel more female" 

Type V - "I live as a woman as much as possible and want to transition. I am female" 

Type VI - "I need to transition. I am female"

Where we are

Yesterday afternoon I had a call with Jack Molay where I conveyed some of my current concerns regarding the situation for transgender and all gender variant people in general. 

In my time we had a buffer. It was fear of family loss, job loss and societal rejection which kept most of us largely immobile. Today those things still exist but with much less intensity and youth are less risk averse. For example there is a young transgender woman working in my old office and the new company insurance coverage of $15k for gender affirming care are things I could scarcely have dreamt of seeing 20 years ago. 

Nevertheless in some cases we risk losing the plot because some people are overshooting thinking there is only one way to be transgender. These cases are not the majority but they are becoming more prevalent and leading directly into the hands of gender criticals as proof of the folly of what they term "transgender ideology". These people are not bright but they are highly motivated.

The model of the perfect human binary is pure hogwash as witnessed by all the variances elsewhere with organic processes, but that means nothing to thick-headed religious zealots or simple minded conservatives. That being said having more options is certainly preferable to going back to the past but that freedom of choice is producing more regret even as it is statistically small. 

I don't presume to have a clear cut solution given that much of the public still has trouble distinguishing between types of gender variance and their motivations (years after coming out I am still explaining nuances to my own family). However continuing education and having the young generations take over the reins will to be the only way out of where we are now.

We are not going back but going forward with caution..

5 harsh truths

Very sage advice from a young and insigjtful transgender person...

Authenticity versus family

The choice of authenticity versus family is the toughest challenge a transgender person can face and should it ever come down to ultimatums everyone loses. The transgender person suffers repression and cannot be their best self for someone who does not really accept them as they truly are. The partner gets someone who isn't fully whole.

Today I know this in my bones so well except that for years I tried to play the compromise game only to have less than successful relationships. You cannot be happy not being yourself and sharing a life with someone who does not appreciate you fully. 

Lessons are like that in life sometimes where we must get burned to get the message but fortunately with the current climate of openness means that situations like mine will become much more a thing of the past. 

As far as extended family goes they have never been less important to me since they do not form part of my circle of connections which feeds my authenticity. With them it is about keeping an arms length and doing your best to keep the ties you value without feeling obligated or losing who you are.

It must be said that some people can navigate these waters with less incident but I don't know of many stories that don't involve deep compromises.

In the dead of night

The monster talent of Bruford, Jobson, Wetton and Holdsworth.  I saw them live in 1980 opening for Jethro Tull :)