The glass half full

The less we care about what others think, the more other people are prone to irritate us. We have removed the weight of their opinion from our shoulders and suddenly their flaws become even more apparent. 

We have stopped being extra critical of ourselves and thus see the world a little more realistically. 

This can be a dangerous phase because we can become bitter if we aren't careful and be less forgiving of what are natural human failings. If we feel somehow betrayed by society we will be more apt to dislike people and their foibles.

You have spent years being obedient to a society that is much more flawed than you had realized and open your eyes over time to that reality.

In other words, we may have allowed what stupid people think to affect us.

This is the part I am working on now as the last of my cleanup phase. I breathe slowly when I witness stupid or entitled behaviour especially if it doesn't impact me directly.

If we allow every malcontent in the world to affect us, we will be perennially frustrated.

Better to focus on the goodness out there and see the glass half full.

The files

 

Not so simple

Decades ago it appeared far easier to make distinctions between male to female transsexuals in terms of their sexual orientation. We split them into androphilic (man-loving) and gynephilic (woman-loving) but then during that time the fluidity in sexuality we see today was far from being evident. 

Yes, Kinsey had confirmed through his work in the late 1940's that sexuality also operates on a kind of spectrum except that it was much more hidden and repressed than now. 

Also, transitions by gynephilic transsexuals tended to happen later in life after attempts at "curing" themselves because their true gender was more misaligned with orientation. 

Today things are entirely different because not only are all transitions happening earlier in life, but also some people are reversing orientation post transition as they realize they had also been suppressing sexual desires. 

This doesn't happen in every case but in many.

REM

The new REM (reseau express metropolitain) has improved my ability to get around the island of Montreal. 

The new elevated track rail service allows for quick movement across the city and provides access to areas that were not necessarily well served by public transit. 

My transit card now covers me for bus, metro, train and REM and I couldn't be happier as a person who doesn't own a car.

Kyle

Kyle was sitting on the sidewalk and greets me as I walk past. I stop and we begin to chat briefly. 

He is disheveled and is likely considerably younger than he looks. A scruffy beard and shabby clothes disguise a kind soul who just wants to be acknowledged by a passerby who might also soare some change. I tell him I have none.

"I just need to make my $30 or $40 per day and I'm all right" he tells me with resignation "life is expensive and I don't know how people do it these days with expensive rent and utilities" 

He points to a place nearby asking $2,300 per month and I tell him that is one of the reasons my 28 year old lives with me. 

"What's your name?" He asks looking up at me.

"I'm Joanna, nice to meet you Kyle" 

Then I'm off again with a little more appreciation for the life I have.

An unexpected call

Dan and I hadn't spoken for years and so when I saw his name on my cell phone as an incoming call I was a bit surprised. 

We have known each other since university days but lost touch over the years as our lives got increasingly busy. 

As we speak I discover that his call was prompted by news that he had better talk to me about my life changing. He was told by common friends that this was something better explained directly by me. 

When I told him about my social gender transition he wasn't phased or perturbed but mostly curious. He took the news perfectly in stride and felt bad for me for having had to keep this bottled up and secret for decades. 

It was once again confirmation that we are our worst enemies in underestimating what people are capable of. It was, in the end, no big deal.

He is also retired and we agreed that once he returns from his upcoming vacation we will be getting together to catch up.

Panache

I had dinner with my daughter yesterday in an Indian restaurant located on a pedestrian-only street in my hood. It is this way every summer until the late fall when car traffic is once again permitted. 

I was facing the window and could see all types of people walking by with their different clothing choices and body shapes. Needless to say that there was gender blurring with some of them. 

Had I been sitting there in the 1940's there would have been much more uniformity with the absence of colour being the most notable. In 1910 it would have been an even more stark sea of black, grey, brown and white.

People are much more accustomed to diversity today. It is to the point where nothing shocks anyone especially if one carries themselves with confidence and panache. 

A panache that announces you know who you are.

A reflecting pool

The reflecting pool fiasco has become emblematic of the Trump regime's incompetence and deception. 

It would be almost comical were it not for the millions of Americans suffering under the current affordability crisis. A woman dying of cancer lives in her car as she contemplates how she got to this situation. 

The empire is over and Trump is Nero playing the violin as Rome burns. 

This has all been coming for decades and the people least deserving of the tragedy will bear the brunt of the excesses of the oligarchy class. 

This is a global problem but nowhere is it more exaggerated than in a nation that believes failure is a personal sin. If you don't make it here it's because you weren't hard working enough. Never mind that most of the wealth in the country was inherited. 

I have learned more about the intricacies of human nature over the last ten years than during the previous twenty. This was largely due to getting a closeup and personal view of the combined gullibility, stupidity, grace and dignity of people. 

It all exposed itself under the watchful eye of a technology that never sleeps. We witnessed all of the minute details in real time as they unfolded.

Trans joy

Youth will sometimes use the expression trans joy to describe their euphoria as they arrive at new echelons in their gender exploration. 

However it's interesting to note that most people don't find joy in their gender identity. It simply is and at most they might tell you that they are very comfortable with it. 

Their joy comes from other things and even that euphoria is often transient. 

If you ask someone who transitioned 25 years ago if they feel trans joy they will say no. What they might tell you is that they feel right in their skin regarding their gender identity. 

They will tell you that they feel just like anyone else.

Food or medicine

 

Development

It's the Fete Nationale du Quebec today and I left the house wearing a dress which is something I don't do very often. It's usually jeans or a skirt.

The lady at the metro station ticket counter wishes me a lovely day and I do the same.

My routine on Wednesdays is that I make my way to the public market to have 7:00 am coffee with fellow retiree Sylvie and after that it is with my friend Sonia at 9:00 at Jean Talon market. 

Being retired means having a lot of time on your hands which I try to fill without urgency or obligation. It means having plenty of opportunity to think. 

I have changed dramatically since I stopped working because I had left much more introspection incomplete than I had estimated; something you don't realize until you are faced with the full capability to do so.

As people, we are in constant development mode. 

I have made a resolution to be kinder to people and lower my indignation towards them after having developed life weapons which includes, if need be, an acidic tongue. It's easier to be dismissive when you determine someone is rude or stupid (both of which are plentiful in this world) but my job isn't to judge anyone else. 

My job now is to be peaceful.

At the same time I can be very protective of my dignity and my self-respect.