Friday, March 1, 2024


Well, Ray Williams (formerly Rachel) has appeared on a couple of YouTube channels selling the concept of AGP. He talks about his history of fetishistic dressing and says he is happy to have escaped the "gender cult". He also admits he was into pornography which he says seemed to feed his fetishism.

I don't find this at all surprising as he isn't the first to do this. The problem is that he uses his own experience to generalize that of others. Can sexual pleasure be a primary motivation for some people? Undoubtedly and I have read testaments to the fact but we need to be careful not to generalize.

Ray seems to have fallen for an error I have seen repeated many times which is to associate the presence of arousal with a theory that says all transitions are motivated by aberrant sexuality. Ergo, sexual arousal equals AGP which is not proven but also not scientifically provable. 

I wish people wouldn't do this because it's not helpful to others and they should instead just speak to their own personal experience.

I am the first person to caution about sweeping generalizations that say all gender variance equals "trans" which is a conclusion we can make from observing archetypes who sometimes openly discuss their own histories and motivations. People just like Ray.

At the very least let's respect the fact that every story is unique.


One of the architects of NAFTA died yesterday. Brian Mulroney was 84 years old and although far from my favorite Prime Minister, you might at least argue that he followed his political convictions. 

The philosophy of neoliberalism did not have its birth during his tenure, but the early 90's did see the beginning of a massive opening of world markets. We took the good with the bad and we are now experiencing the after effects of leaving the social fabric of nations to the full mercy of capitalism.


One of the things I was told after 3 months of weekly sessions at the Montreal General Hospital gender identity clinic was that I had supressed anger issues and they were right. I did.

The years which have followed since have been about releasing it like one lets air out of a balloon all while still cognizant of the fact that much about the world is disappointing. It has been about coming to terms with reality while working on and fortifying the internal sense of self.

When you live as restrictively as I did you encourage the developing of frustrations and working your way back from them turned out to be a bigger task than I had expected. The last 16 months have proven to what degree there was still work to do.

The good news is that I am increasingly patient with myself and have let go of the need to control the environment around me. Life is messy and that is all right.

Open expression

One of the things I am very happy about is seeing the openly expressed gender variance of many younger people. It is not to be kept behind closed doors or donned as occasional costume but rather fully incorporated into their daily lives. I could not have done that at their age as the social environment was not right plus I did not possess the internal fortitude.

Many are not transgender, but they feel inspired to wear nail colour, experiment with hair length and color plus their clothing clearly trumpets androgynous inclinations which sometimes blur boundaries. There are more of these people than ever despite still existing social pressures to conform.

Having people express themselves as they desire should help as we hopefully begin to draw clearer lines regarding paths taken for blending into society. It will hopefully also clarify the situation between those who need to transition versus those who just want looser restrictions on gender expression.

We were forced into secrecy but this is increasingly going to be viewed as a relic of the past. If we are going to help people to be their authentic selves, we need to remove the stigma which comes with breaking social norms with little rational basis other than to impose conformity.

Thursday, February 29, 2024


A cautionary tale about being careful especially when young. It's not for everyone...

The witch hunt brigade

There is simply far too much stupid and evil to fix in this world. But listen to this man and his brilliant pushback during a school board meeting....

RIP Richard Lewis


In Tatters

Whatever shred of credibility the US Supreme Court had left is now in tatters. The most radical right wingers within its ranks decided that sparing the odious Trump the indignity of being tried by Jack Smith was worth a jettison of their reputation. Here I think of Alito, Thomas, Barrett and Kavanaugh.

Waiting to the last possible minute to examine a lower court unanimous decision which even a third grader could come to clear conclusion on, is a stupid way to go down in flames. If I base myself on YouTube comments from deeply enraged Americans and the most level headed of the legal savvy pundits, this demonstrates both spectacular tone-deafness and hubris which will prompt justified changes down the road. All this to be able to run down the clock in avoiding the weight of justice from coming down on an insurrectionist.

Already smarting from conflict of interest accusations for accepting what are ostensibly bribes, this is the last thing this kangaroo court needed.

So much for a code of ethics.

Treating dysphoria properly

There are gender variant people who do not suffer from dysphoria, however for those who do, highly unresolved levels will leave them feeling that there is always something wrong. Conversely when we have arrived at the right solution, there will be no need to move to another level. In other words, once you are happy, do nothing else and stay there.

Many transgender people, particularly older ones, typically made critical life decisions before finding self-acceptance and were therefore constrained in their ability to treat their dysphoria. This led to episodes of anxiety and sometimes depression plus that horrible build up of "gender expression deprivation anxiety" where the thoughts can become obsessive. What we aspire to do is find a baseline where this disappears or is at least better mitigated.

For some people this will be medical or social transition but it doesn't need to be. A more frequent expression cycle can work for those with milder levels of dysphoria with the goal of reducing the peaks and valleys. I know I am much happier having accomplished this and I am now simply fine tuning my psyche because decades of repression do take their toll.

Knowing there isn't one magic formula but instead a very unique one for every individual which takes into account many factors should help us. Our barometer for success will be our increased calm, sense of well-being and hopefully an increase in self-respect which comes from also having treated any remaining stigma.

Certainly a transgender person being with a non-accepting partner does little for their self-esteem but that should be viewed from the lens as being the spouse's own mental blockage more than ours. This would be especially true if they have known from the outset
 and purport to love their partner fully instead of conditionally.


Blind from birth but what a talent....


Well, Ray Williams (formerly Rachel) has appeared on a couple of YouTube channels selling the concept of AGP. He talks about his history of ...