Battery limits

A video from a channel called "Soul Kink" ended up on my YouTube feed. Presumably it was because the subject matter was an interview with a gender variant person. 

The first thing I noticed is that host is a quirky free spirit with a lighting rod streak of white running through her hair. The second was that the interviewee was very relaxed in their feminine presentation and being under 40 no doubt helped his cause. 

Today's breed of gender variant person tends to be out to friends and family and in this case they were also out to an accepting partner. There was no conflict of core gender identity but instead a desire to openly expand their gender expression. 

Over the last few decades we have seen sex and gender be liberated to the point where secrecy and stigma have been largely eradicated. On the flip side, we seem to have increased confusion among some regarding what their motivations mean and what they should do about them. 

In this case the person understood their battery limit and was able to exist happily within its confines. 

What helps is to understand that its not about your label but rather about what measures need to happen to bring your psyche to where it needs to be.

In a nutshell...

 

Make it make sense

The flesh-eating screwworm is a parasitic fly, not a worm. Females lay eggs in open wounds or body openings of warm-blooded animals and the hatching maggots burrow into and feed on live tissue. This can cause severe wounds that attract more flies. 

This parasite is endemic to parts of South America, the Caribbean, and Central America. It had been eradicated from the United States however illegal cattle smuggling has driven a resurgence. 

Confirmed livestock cases have been found in Texas and New Mexico. Canada has, in response, temporarily banned cattle imports from the US to protect domestic livestock. 

In its infinite wisdom, the anti-science GOP decided that funding the departments that used to control such outbreaks, was unnecessary. Hence along with cuts to USAID, EPA, National parks service, etc. it decided that cutting taxes for the wealthy was a bigger priority. 

DOGE went after programs that cost little as a percent of GDP but delivered great returns for society. 

In this case it will be republican voting ranchers who will bear the brunt of the stupidity; their own plus the Trump regime's.

Don't ask me to make it make sense.

Don't be surprised

When we start to treat our dysphoria in earnest it will worsen for quite a while. Up until now you had developed coping mechanisms which included being busy plus your usual bag of denial tricks. 

Now you are facing it head on with no barriers and the full freight train smacks you. You hadn't predicted this but then realize that it makes perfect sense that it's happening to you. 

Here is when self-doubt can make some headway which doesn't mean you have made an error. It means that the full scope of your attention is now focused on something you had learned to ignore until it hit periods of crescendo; after which you found yet another distraction. 

If you have had this happen to you, don't worry as you are far from alone.

Chances

Growing up I learned to be extremely judgemental of people. After all, I was harsh and demanding on myself so why give someone else the courtesy of dropping the standards I held myself to. 

The problem with this approach is that we become intolerant and don't give people a chance. We determine they fall short of our measuring stick and dismiss getting to know them better. 

However with age and experience comes discernment and we learn what signs to look for. This doesn't mean everyone is best friend and confidante material, but we also don't quite so readily put people into boxes based on a rash assessment. 

As we hopefully become more forgiving and less critical of the self, we offer others the same chances.

The natural distribution

Throughout human history we have come up with diagnoses and developed categories for types of people. We have even invented diseases and conditions some of which turned out not to be real. 

Sub-categories of categories were created to explain anomalies that didn't quite fit under a model we were almost certain was correct. 

We tried to help people but then also stigmatized them by using coarse language to describe them. We called some "retarded" without much concern for how it affected them. 

At points in our history blood letting and lobotomies were considered desired treatments for some people, proving the trial and error approaches we trusted to our experts of the day were sometimes ill-advised. 

The reality is that our complexity as human beings both at the psychological and physical level has required millennia of experimentation bolstered by the development of technologies that helped us find solutions. 

People that we used to marginalize as being beyond help have been identified and treated after having found the source of their suffering. 

What remained then was cultural tolerance for people who behaviorally fell outside societal margins. They didn't suffer from any conditions but simply needed the amplitude to live as their natural inclinations demanded. 

They suffered from discrimination rather than from some pre-existing limitation. This didn't stop society from branding them with mental illness; all because they had dared to not fit within the designated margins. 

We have discovered that the natural distribution of humanity isn't governed by the cultural norms of the day but rather, to the chagrin of many, by reality.

Devil's advocate

I never tell myself what I want to hear so why would I do that to anyone who anyone else? 

Our job is to ask ourselves the tough questions so we can grow as individuals and for that we need to be blunt and honest. 

Therefore I play devil's advocate with everything until I can wrap my head around it. 

Everything we perceive goes through a personal filter. Our biases and opinions act on everything almost imperceptibly because they always run in the background. 

We must account for them when we ponder ideas about ourselves some of which may be erroneous.

Body language

Walk around in public and look carefully at people. Notice how both genders come in all shapes and sizes and then stop worrying about your own shape or what you wear. 

It doesn't matter.

What people will notice about you is body language and I say this with great certainty after decades of experience. 

What they will primarily notice is any body language which shows lack of confidence and says "I don't know who I am"

A floppy hat

They plunked themselves almost in front of me and seated at a diagonal. The body language was a bit odd and then I noticed the wide brimmed floppy hat followed by the masculine energy and features despite the attempt at feminine attire. 

They were somewhere in their 20's investigating the metro car from the safety of the brim which was apparently also camouflage. The tone here seemed less "this is who I am" than "I can do this if I want" 

The young African woman (dressed as if she had just arrived from Senegal) seated on the other side from us noted the odd energy but neither smiled nor frowned. There was just for a moment a penetrating curiosity which was eventually satiated. 

I kept my silence noting that their nervous energy was not inviting. I respect people's personal space. 

Two stations later they were gone; floppy hat safely in tow.

Avoiding an avalanche

At age 26, my son is taking the reverse approach to life that I did. He is doing the hard psychological work now before entering the domain of the autopilot life that my generation espoused. 

His high functioning autism requires it. 

From my vantage point his is a huge advantage because I had to put off doing the deep introspection for years through the adopting of a model I took for granted as workable for anyone. The heavy lifting he does now will help him avoid an avalanche of work later in life. 

Psychology is everything. 

I tell him this everyday and he understands but cannot commiserate viscerally. 

However one day he will and will be glad. Except that I will probably no longer be here.

Permission slip

Trump held up a mirror to American society and showed everyone who was inside it. This happened to the chagrin of many who discovered that people they thought they knew were not all that great. 

He gave America a permission slip to let their frustrations out; to let their racism flags fly proudly for a time until it all started to unravel. 

Many knew who he was beforehand but it was deliciously tempting to have a president who hated the same people they did; those pesky middle eastern or Mexican neighbors who you were sure are undocumented; or maybe that lesbian couple next door.

It didn't matter all that much to them that he was a classless buffoon, a liar and a criminal.

Many were proudly part of MAGA while the going was good but then stayed well past the expiry date. Doing an about face isn't going to work now and there will be consequences for many of them. 

Being on the wrong side of history can be a bitch sometimes. 

Just across the border from Canada (where I live), there are rural areas of blue states which voted as high as 35 or 40% for Trump. This seems incomprehensible at first until one realizes that stupid and selfish people can be found just about everywhere. 

Even sometimes within our own families