Quiet quitting

Quiet quitting MAGA will be exceedingly difficult for many Americans because people have long memories. There will be many Trumpers who will change the subject when politics come up. When on first dates or dinner parties they will use whatever distraction necessary to bury their atrocious judgement. 

Back when Hitler was taking over Germany with the Third Reich, things would have gone considerably worse for him had not so many people seen their spines suddenly disappear. It's true that the SS knocked on doors asking for neighbours be turned over so they could be arrested, spreading fear among the population but then many people gladly welcomed the cruelty. 

The same instincts that encourage fear and disdain of the "other" is a non-erasable part of a portion of humanity. 

Thus ICE doing their public harassment and abuse of the innocent is adamantly defended on social media by people who will later conveniently swallow their tongues when it's no longer as much in vogue to be a detestable asshole.

Canadians have long memories too except that, thankfully, we can usually tell who's who.

Comes with the territory

Once or twice I've had people who have known me a long time be mildly and pleasantly surprised when I tell them that new friends I have made over recent years don't know I am transgender; something which originally baffled me as well until I just became myself.

The explanation for this occurence is simple.

Those older friends met you in a different guise and that association isn't readily undone in the psyche. They understand full well that you aren't wearing a costume but their baseline reference point is a different one than people who don't know. 

The challenge, particularly for older transitioners, is to balance those different worlds and potentially have a perennial series of coming out events. It is then left up to us to handle this with deftness and the understanding that not everyone needs to know or is owed every bit of information about us. 

Sometimes it can feel like a minefield and, as example, yesterday Monika asked me via text if I had transitioned medically. She and I worked together starting about 25 years ago and happens to live in my neighbourhood. 

We hadn't seen each other for years and met again several years ago in a local café after I was well into my snail's pace social transition and I had to introduce myself otherwise she wouldn't have recognized me. 

So in essence we can end up with many loose ends and potentially awkward situations which, unfortunately or otherwise, come with the territory.

Ice in the veins

Dr Helem Webberley's bedside manner is both friendly and unassuming. She has been working with transgender people for over a decade now and views gender diversity as forming a normal part of the mosaic of society. 

She isn't easily rattled or flummoxed and has appeared on confrontational podcasts like Triggernometry and others which view her work as an affront to a desired social order. You need to have nerves of steel to not be derailed when facing a hostile host or guest with an opposing viewpoint. 

Her aim is to help people achieve authenticity in whatever manner suits them and demystifies medical and social transitions with a calm demeanor which only helps her cause. 

She doesn't need hyperbole when medical science is on her side. 

I myself recently got into an exchange with a person who took exception to my comment regarding a Ray Blanchard podcast appearance. It began politely enough but eventually devolved into personal attack when they had no responses to what I was saying. 

It was how I confirmed that I had won the argument. 

When facts are on our side there isn't a need to get excited or angry. We simply state our arguments with icy veins and let them come back to us with something that holds water or perhaps doesn't so much.

The in-between space

I recently saw YouTube content regarding the "in-between space" representing the nebulous area between gender expression and identity. 

In other words, it is the space between "this what I do" versus "this is who I am". 

That middle zone can be quite confusing for many (it was at one time to me) because the extreme ends of the gender variance spectrum are more firmly entrenched. One says I dress up once in a while and the other says that I have taken the means to establish my public identity. 

These are not the same thing even if one individual can grow in small steps beginning from a state which was largely and primarily about expression. 

For many people in this middle zone neither state can feel right. One can seem more tawdry, secretive and shameful while the other seems to oblige that they make a wholesale change of public identity they may not be prepared to undertake. 

This is where labels become once again tiresome and limiting because they force we choose a designation and a clan so we feel welcome somewhere. 

One of the reasons I chose an arms length approach to this subject for a long time is that I wanted to understand it much better and thus went about doing so. But even after establishing I was gender dysphoric I still didn't believe in cookie cutter recipes. 

I just needed a personal path which spoke to authenticity, wellness and balance. 

One of the problem with humans is that we want answers which involve clear designations after which we have gained the necessary approval from the right authority or group. We want transparent solutions in areas where none exist and this is certainly one of them. 

Whether a person has dysphoria or not, there isn't going to be one answer for everyone. However, whatever path we choose should involve an amelioration in our quality of life. 

Otherwise, why change anything at all?

We take note

When we are retired there is more time to take note of the slow degradation of society around us. We move about more freely with less personal concerns but take in those of others struggling to keep their boats afloat. 

One day I see a Lamborghini cruise down St Catherine Street at the same time as two young policewomen restrain a homeless man. The contrast is startling when I reflect on my youth and shows what wealth disparity has done to us. 

Many people I know are impacted by the current geopolitical chaos as the price of everything increases. The speed at which we live only exacerbates the situation as people continue to be commodities to corporations seeking to maximize both productivity and profit. 

It's been a tried and true formula for millenia only that it changes guise. Feudalism gave way to an industrial age which capitalized on the worker until they sought the means to unionize and fight for a living wage. 

Then, all is undone and we begin anew. 

The current global climate isn't sustainable as the chaos in France shows us. This will spread elsewhere as people become desperate when they can no longer keep up in acquiring the basic necessities of life.

Lying to ourselves

I was conversing with Jack Molay yesterday about personal schemas. Over the course of our lives we build a framework regarding who we are and our place within the world. It is based on gathered information except that the model can and will contain flaws. 

The inputs come from our parents, early childhood and adolescent socialization, social myths (ie. misinformation) plus our formal education which are then passed through the sieve of our personality type. Once the basic foundation is built it can be very difficult to put into question when the model begins to work even if imperfectly. 

We have a storyline which includes personal truths irrespective of their veracity and are sticking to it particularly if we have received a sufficient level of acceptance through its adoption. 

However this schema can also be a trap which contains self limiting components. We have sold ourselves a narrative about ourselves and others which hasn't been sufficiently tested and is only added to over the years and left largely unexamined. 

We can't blame most people for doing this because schemas can become comfortable despite their flaws. For example we don't know we are autistic but instead tell ourselves we are socially awkward and beyond hope until we are diagnosed as neuro divergent and suddenly potentially reverse our fortunes.

Our challenge is to examine everything we have been taught and dismantle the schema we have constructed with the intent to rebuild it and then reap the benefits. We refashion the psychology slowly but surely with the intent to bolster mental wellness, confidence, maturity and self respect.

It's not about lying to yourself but instead about finding a more honest and beneficial personal truth.

Trial and error

Everyone carries around some pain and disappointment but I think the challenge is not to allow that to make us bitter. 

Challenges were faced except not all turned out as we thought so we reconcile with reality. We move forward with openness while taking responsibility for own contribution to the failure and try to improve ourselves in the process. 

Learning to live life is an iterative process where hopefully things come more into focus with age and experience. This often implies a trial and error method which can be tempered with and anchored in good intention. 

Doing any better than that is asking for a perfection which doesn't exist.

Cliffhanger

Yesterday, the people of the province of Alberta rejected the referendum question posed to them regarding separating from Canada and opted instead for a united nation. This despite efforts by the Trump regime to sow division within my country by offering incentives to premier Danielle Smith's UCP party. 

A divided Canada would, after all, be easier to conquer economically. 

US ambassador Pete Hoekstra is as popular in my country as a case of hemorrhoids as he parrots the talking points of his handlers back in Washington. 

Meanwhile on November 3rd Americans will get their chance to save what is left of their democracy by turning congress and possibly the senate blue. Trump is ostensibly on the ballot as his criminality, stupidity and incompetence continue to pile up. Still, that 30% approval is immovable and represents the unreachable faction of the population which is beyond reason. 

This number is likely universal irrespective of the country we are dealing with. 

Plenty of damage left to be done by Trump of course regardless of the midterm outcome, but at least there will be more brakes placed on a train seemingly hell bent on heading off a cliff.

No matter what happens however, it will take decades to repair the damage already done.

I still marvel

Montreal is a huge city but it is still rare that I run into two transgender women within 10 minutes of each other. I was walking with a friend and I discreetly pointed the first one out to him. She was crossing the street and we were sufficiently behind her to not have me be indiscreet. 

Most people wouldn't have noticed but I did. She fell very well under the radar and was at most maybe 30 years old. 

The second one walked past us and I heard her speak on the phone with her distinctly male vocal register. She was even younger and her long hair flowed behind as she sped towards her destination. 

Both were well into transition and my 65 year old friend had no idea. 

As for me and at my age, I still marvel at this with a broad smile on my face when I remember what the world would have been like for them when I was their age.

Planning

I recently found out that an ex-colleague died in a scuba diving accident. He was exactly my age and we would sometimes joke about retirement as it approached. As it turns out, his didn't last very long. 

He was a decent and respectful fellow and I loved working with him when he came to ask if I were available to assist on one of his projects. 

Every day I get up and appreciate my health and often think of the people I knew who have passed away. Many left a significant impact on my life and taught me how the different perspectives and approaches of others can help us grow as individuals. 

As we move on in life we increasingly appreciate that each day is precious. We begin to think that we should live in the moment with the least amount of expectation and planning as possible because nothing is guaranteed. 

Things are increasingly put into perspective so as not to waste energy on the trivial which getting off the hamster wheel helped to cement in my mind. 

Expectation is lowered which in turn decreases disappointment, and surprise is more welcomed as being part of the plan.

How to combat stupidity

 Use their own logic on them...