An injection of perspective

I am at the hospital with my mother and sister and I happen to notice the transgender woman close to us checking in. 

She says her name is Miranda and she sports a Latina accent which perfectly matches the name. A pink purse nestles next to her on the counter coordinating with the track pants and white sneakers.

By my estimation she is under 40 and makes no attempt at voice correction. It's not an issue for her or perhaps she tried and failed. 

It doesn't matter anyway because no one cares; not the admitting clerk or those around who may have noticed that she was transgender. 

It's just a normal part of life plus at the hospital emergency, people have bigger concerns like the young woman not far from us crying in pain. 

It is a massive dose of perspective. 

As my mother pushes 91, we all agree it's time for a small apartment and this latest fall of hers confirms it for all of us.

Yet even more perspective.

A universal theme

I've had to do more work on myself over the past 4 years than in the previous 10. This is because the life schema I had built wasn't working properly except that career and other concerns were blocking the repair process. 

Thus, since retiring, it's turned out to be much more than just a cleanup phase. 

You may find you need to do the same as kicking the can down the road simply delays the inevitable. 

At each stage of life we do the best we can with the information at hand so there is little point in indulging in "could'ves" and "should'ves" later on. 

We take in the new information we've gathered about ourselves and progress into new territory. 

It's a universal theme, applicable in varying degrees, to everybody on this planet.

Unsafe

 

Mask off

Over the last few decades, we have completely lost the shame of saying things that are ignorant. It happened a little at a time because I remember the advent of the internet in the early 90's being far more genteel in its style and reserve. 

The brashness of stupid people took a while to climb to the current level helped along by the formation of like-minded packs. 

We went from the internet being a resource to primarily a spreader of propaganda. Unfounded opinion is now the core purpose along with glorifying drivel and sowing division. 

If you held a positive view of society, the last few decades would have certainly eroded it. The people and their opinions were always there, it's just that they were less prone to embarass themselves through overzealous sharing.

There isn't a cure for this other than to fix the ills that keep people unsettled and insecure about their prosperity. Repair their economic woes and the conspiracy movements will tend to become less popular. 

The problem for some of us is that we can't unsee or forget what we already have, so we work on finding the nuggets of goodness where we can. They are everywhere to be found.

I tell my son that in a way it's almost advantageous for him to see the world so mask off relatively early in his life. He can then adapt and work around it as we build towards a new era.

Ye of little faith

I was watching Matt Dillahunty debate Jordan Peterson on religion and it really was no contest. 

The problem for Peterson is that he isn't a believer but uses the mythology around it as panacea for what ails humanity. He clings to Cain and Abel, for example, as a universal morality allegory.

This may not be untrue but Peterson became famous and then picked up a largely conservative following which hung on his every word. He was their sage and intelligentsia for a right wing which was sorely missing it. 

He now cannot disown them so he rides the fence.

Peterson corners himself constantly because his style over substance methods don't work well with careful critical thinkers like Dillahunty. The captive audience for this debate was a little smarter than average and his dodge and weave didn't land so well. 

I don't agree with everything Dillahunty says but his rational approach doesn't allow for an easy escape. The subject matter is nebulous enough because of its lack of conclusive proof either way. 

You are left with faith as primary crutch and the reality of a vast universe around you to explain without all the proper tools at your disposal.

A fresh start

Most Democrats want a fresh start and will hope that Schumer and Jeffries are not kept as majority leaders in the senate and house. Both represent the old moderate centrist and corporate wing of the party which many Americans viscerally reject. 

The midterm blue wave was about renewal and rejecting Trump. It is about going back to roots which advanced helping the struggling working class; in a sense it's about the spirit of New Deal FDR type initiatives which Mamdani has been pushing in NYC. 

Schumer and Jeffries both clash with this vision which much of the country has been brainwashed into calling communism or socialism without a hint of understanding of what that is. 

If you want to send a signal to the public who voted for you, the best way would be vote in leaders who are pushing for the most change instead of keeping the same old tired formula.

Optics matter.

Plague

People who aren't transgender don't think about their gender much. It simply is. 

They may regale in certain aspects but also sometimes curse its limitations. For example, a woman misses a promotion which is given to a less capable male colleague instead. 

For transgender people the goal should be to think about gender less not more. Yes, there is a long period of doubt which could last years or even decades where we are racked with confusion about what to do. What we want is a resolution to stop the brain from constantly thinking about it. 

Thinking too much about gender can be a plague. 

I think the first step lies in being less self-concious and remove the dread of daily public scrutiny. All people have insecurities but for transgender people it is exponentially higher and not without good reason. 

The rest of the battle is about quieting dysphoria through whatever treatment method is right for us. The aim should be to go about our day thinking less and less about the trappings of gender. 

Even people who blend perfectly into society (and may even have transitioned) can be plagued with impostor syndrome and spend their time second guessing what the person in front of them is thinking. 

All of this wears heavily on the psyche and our aim is to lighten that load. 

Youth has the advantage of having been born into a more tolerant and diverse world and thus less childhood trauma to deal with, but then they also face scrutiny through the increased public awareness of the topic. Transphobes are actively sharpening their knives whereas in the past it all lay much more underground. 

All this summarizes down to our psychology of course which isn't always easy. However without that internal work, no amount of physical changes will remedy the core challenge we face in strengthening courage, resolve and self-esteem.

Disarmed

Having older children helps to ground us. They don't take every pronouncement as gospel and argue back when they think we are misguided on an issue. 

I welcome this greatly. 

My son in particular doesn't let me get away with things and almost every night we cover his psychology plus general topics. 

He analyzes his autism the way I did my dysphoria which is both good and bad because plunging into details can lead to analysis paralysis. 

Having someone tell me they disagree is welcome because it forces we examine our blind spots. My cynicism is dismantled through the fresh perspective of a bright and inquisitive 26 year old still looking to understand his place in the world. 

He disarms me in a good way.

An Ordinary Life

There's nothing wrong with an ordinary life. In fact it could be argued that anchoring ourselves in the predictable and comfortable is what allows us to then welcome the inevitable surprises life has in store. 

I don't miss work or the people I frequented over all those years. They formed part of an experience I went through but then I moved on. 

Our malleability is an asset and we can adapt much better than we give ourselves credit for. We look back and we remember not being able to imagine how things would change quite so much. 

In that sense ordinary lives can be majestic in how they flow from stage to stage and settle into a new ordinary which in of itself is extraordinary.

Worst case scenarios

Fear of unknown things isn't rational because we are emotional beings above all else. Thus we will develop a fear of flying or visiting the dentist based on preconceived ideas about how things will turn out and not on reality based thinking. 

It doesn't matter how statistically safe flying is; we will instead drive even if the chance of dying in a car crash is higher. 

Most of us live our lives imagining worse case scenarios that don't happen and would benefit from being braver. At the end of their lifespan most of us regret what we didn't do instead of what we did. 

This is true for the overwhelming majority of us. 

No, don't jump out of an airplane without a parachute but from where I sit now, i can tell you that the vast majority of my worst case scenarios have been completely dispelled.

Choice

Since the dawn of civilization, in every era and society, there have always been people who dance to the beat of their own drum. 

Through a combination of predisposition and ability to parse influences around them, they found a way to escape convention and embrace an authenticity that risked them being ostracized by others. 

We are now at a junction of human history where it has never been as possible to reject conventional wisdom and escape its claws. Interestingly this has led many people into more questioning than answers. 

When we provide more choice we add an element of uncertainty. It is like going from 4 channels on an old TV in the 70's to surfing incessantly on Netflix and finally giving up in exasperation after landing on nothing. 

Gender variant people, whether dysphoric or not, have also never had more choice but the increasing questioning regarding the myriad of options, has filled the comment sections of videos dealing with the subject. 

Of course no one can tell us what to do but the human animal seeks both certainty and communion with others. Thus people who are less inclined to be mavericks, will be looking for clear guidance in an area that sorely lacks it. 

In other words people want a definition (like you're officially trans) which then gives them a path forward and a community that accepts them. 

Not long after that, within those groupings, will follow the invariable policing and comparisons. 

Why? Because we are human and, for that, there definitely is no cure.