In the open

According to palliative nurses, the biggest regret of dying patients is that they didn't live life true to themselves. Instead, they lived trying to live up to the expectations of others whether that be family or society in general. 

This resonates because we are raised to conform and comply with societal norms. 

I am sensing that the next renaissance of human existence will free most people to be the most authentic versions of themselves. We are already seeing it in society as the diversity blooms beyond boundaries most of us who are older expected. 

This is the last great step in the cultural revolution of a humanity which will never be perfect. 

We will keep making mistakes but at least people will be doing it in the open.

See me

Life used to be slower and harder but we had less anxiety and depression. People generally worked within tight-knit social structures which brought them connection and validation. 

Perhaps you worked in a factory for 30 years next to people who became comrades and confidantes. That job has been outsourced to the third world or to a machine. 

Even my own industry at the start of my career was slow by virtue of the advent of very clunky and limited computers. We had no choice but work more meticulously thanks to limitations we now realize were strangely helpful. 

People need to be needed, seen and acknowledged. When you take that away they become despondent. When you add speed and efficiency but don't improve the other facets, you are asking for burnouts which started to happen about 10 years ago with great frequency.

We've been learning the consequences the hard way.

Toujours pareil

I probably pay more attention to American politics than is good for me. My interest was already there well before Trumpism but it spiked dramatically when I was able to see first hand, from just north of the border, how people fall for crooked despots. 

I have much less doubt about how it happens now. 

The soil is always ripe when a nation is in decline. Someone comes along and feeds into the desire of people who fall for slogans and quick fixes. It works particularly well when the leader shows you people you can razor focus your anger on while you are being distracted. 

When Hitler came to power, Germany was in huge economic trouble. They had massive inflation and their currency kept devaluating. Under this pressure came someone who said he was going to make Germany great once again. Things only escalated from there to a catastrophic downfall. 

Trump isn't Hitler but what they both share is a malevolent narcissism sourced in deeply troubled childhoods. The ultimate victims of their psychopathy are the people least deserving of it which is always the way of history. Some of these people are gullible to a point that is hard for us to fathom.

We are going to finish this era in chaos and turmoil with the US having one of the biggest downfalls. It will be their chance to rebuild again as the worst intentioned members of the boomer class  which Trump belongs to, slowly expire. 

But no matter the era we live in, there are traits we cannot erase from our DNA; traits which make us predictable and prone to self-sabotage. 

Its just that during the golden periods, we manage to distract ourselves just enough to not fall prey to our worst instincts.

A wise philosopher said...

 

Turning point

Once "what will people think of me" becomes much less important than  "what do I think of myself" you have reached a critical turning point. 

You are on the right track. You've turned a page.

Going back

Going back to a place you haven't been to in a long time while sporting a very different mindset can provide us with a barometer of how far we have traveled. 

Before my son and I met up yesterday to see "The Odyssey" I got off at a REM stop perfectly located in front of a mall I hadn't been to in many years. I normally don't like malls but it was brutally hot and humid and the cool air was just what the doctor ordered. 

Beginning in my early 20's this mall had served as part of a testing ground to figure out who I was. Yes, I had first ventured out of the house in my late teens but this had been one big step up and it was here I first encountered and dealt with people who didn't know I was transgender.

Come to think of it, I didn't know either for it was the 1980's and the language we use so readily today was barely formulated and still very much in its infancy.

This place provided me with the beginnings of courage to explore further outside of a comfort zone I had no clue had so much more room for expansion. 

Walking back in there now felt like nothing special. There was no build up of nerves that have long disappeared and I simply took notes of the many changes the place had undergone. 

After 20 minutes I made my way back to the REM and one stop later was perfectly timed to see my son walking in to the theater just seconds before me. 

You don't want to go home again. You want to move forward but this last minute decision on my part gave me more insight than I had expected as a looking glass into my past.

Safe

At the level of the individual most people want a reasonably prosperous life. They want the basics plus friendship, perhaps love and a sense of meaning and purpose. 

However as we begin to zoom out we start to see the first signs of trouble. Groups are formed which begin to exclude others. There are jealousies created and prejudicial behaviour begins to be seen. 

We zoom out yet again at communities, towns, cities and countries and the same pattern is repeated but at a more complex level. We see networks form which employ both the best and the worst of human nature. 

Within this framing we can see that conservatism at its core is a fear-based mindset which at every stage of history has a type of incarnation. It fears change and wants a status-quo to remain which suits the power dynamics that were working for those people albeit perhaps imperfectly. 

However, at least it felt safe for them. 

Conservatives tend towards exclusionary behaviours because social progress almost always implies a redistribution of power. Immigrants, women, visible minorities, etc are challenging a model that existed before. 

When we introduce big shifts in the social order it brings out a radical response in the most fearful people. They form a coordinated response and suddenly a barrage of pushback at every level of society is initiated. 

It is where we are now.

Far from just an adventure

The Odyssey has a clear political message warning about isolationism as the bronze age came to a close. The themes were clearly applicable to today as it warned about the folly of war (which it doesn't romanticize) for less than honorable purposes. 

This is obviously not meant to be just a simple adventure and the deliberate casting choices were perhaps also meant to rub against the fragile sensibilities of conservatives. 

The film is brilliantly executed in many ways with scenes that are genuinely captivating and enthralling. 

Bravo Mr Nolan!

It's too bad

I have come to conclude with great certainty that the only way to have a truly healthy relationship with another person is to first love oneself and have some possession of authenticity; perhaps not perfectly but as close as possible to it. 

If this does not occur we are entering wounded and possibly ready to accept less than we deserve. We will at the same time not be able to provide the best version of ourselves to another person. 

I understand that I am presenting a high bar here but I've known too many people who hobble along and toil within co-dependency where each tends to the other's wounds. 

One such example would be the control freak paired with the disorganized perennial victim. 

It's not possible to have perfection but when we choose partners early in life we let surface chemistry and what we determine to be compatibility cover up the more nuanced and subconscious reasons lying underneath which tie us to childhood; as example the wounded daughter looking for the substitute father figure. 

It's a shame that we come to self-knowlwdge later but I suspect there is no other way.

Energy

Dr Gabor Mate talks a lot about childhood trauma and how many of our issues are sourced there. The child feels abandoned, not listened to, abused physically or verbally and so on. 

The trauma leaves symptoms in adulthood which people are unable to trace to the source of the problem. 

Compensation methods are then found in adulthood to mask the trauma such as always being agreeable, burying oneself in work and performance, substance abuse, etc. 

I think he is very much correct and our goal should be to go to the source of the trauma directly and heal the wound with our adult lens. 

Of course transgender people had a very particular kind of trauma in having to suppress identity and authenticity often for decades, but everyone likely has some childhood wounds they need to address. 

When one steps off the carousel of chaos and has time to truly reflect, we realize that much work went into pleasing others and being agreeable under a system that was not only rigged but completely flawed. 

We discover that much energy went into the wrong areas instead of repairing the errors inflicted upon us. As I've discovered it's never too late, but if only this version of myself could talk to my younger self.

Authenticity versus our training

Authenticity is problematic within the structure of a society that runs on and expects conformity. 

Most of us grew up with expectation and were praised or punished by parents who themselves experienced much the same process. It becomes legacy which is passed on to successive generations until we break the chain. 

Therefore becoming fully authentic is almost impossible since it requires ignoring so much of learned behaviour. If we start to determine the point of where the real us begins and the child who received training stops, we may be hard pressed to identify it. 

This is why it can take years or decades to fully determine identity. We then have a type of "coming out" where we say "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore: but only after we tire of doing it so long. 

Authenticity can be scary because it always risks breaking rules. It is disruptive in nature but if the alternative is to live a life full of suppression and being out of touch with the self, the answer becomes more obvious.