Friday, April 28, 2023

The next chapter

Even if we wouldn't ever go back, being retired isn't immediately obvious. You have been working for over 3 decades in a challenging career and suddenly you plunge into the void. You also have grown children with their own busy lives and suddenly it's just you staring into the mirror.

As a trans person I distracted myself for years through work, parenting and social activities which allowed me to focus attention away from my dysphoria. Now I have the time to explore whatever aspects remain and not previously adequately dealt with. Those distractions are gone and the little odds and ends which inhabit your skeleton closet are suddenly demanding examination as you ponder the past and how you got to this junction.

I am full of hope and positive energy and yet I can see how some people get depressed when entering this new and last chapter of life. There is plenty of opportunity to relive key moments of it and what you might have done differently.

Life is only lived forward with no assurances that each move of the chess piece will render an expected outcome. We are creatures more of reflexive instinct than calculated tactic because at our core we are more motivated by our emotional needs than the rational.

Patience with the self is what is required here. That and the gathered wisdom of knowing that certain distractions we used to employ in our youth did not lead to where we had expected or ultimately desired.

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