Our goals

I very much like to read the comment section of gender therapist videos to understand where people are coming from. What becomes immediately obvious is that there is a lot of angst based on some metric or target people are basing themselves on. 

The most common question is "how do I know I am trans?" (as if it were some magic pill and only something you can answer) but there are many other variants. The focus comes off being yourself to some standard they are trying to meet. 

The problem with this psychology is that one is never satisfied and there will always be some flaw to be addressed. If you are always shooting for womanhood for example you fall more short of it than when you don't which sounds counterintuitive. The reason? You risk becoming obsessive and paranoid and don't relax into the self which then colors everything about you.

Men and women come in all shapes and sizes and once we drop ideas of "passing" (as someone else I gather?) we know we are on the right track. Instead we focus primarily on being genuine and authentic which increases our internal harmony and sense of calm.

Once I stopped shooting for "passing" (because I was scared) I succeeded more than I ever imagined because my only goal then became authenticity.

It turned out to be the primary thing that other people look for in us.

Lesson learned; the hard way.