Imposter

All trans people suffer bouts of imposter syndrome at any given time in their lives. I now know more people than ever who are not aware of my history and sometimes I will still doubt myself about whether I should say something. It's almost like an urge that dissipates just as quickly as it comes.

I say to myself all the time that my gender presentation changes nothing and still, that little trepidation can happen on occasion. I have read that I am far from being the only one. We will doubt our voice, our mannerisms or the width of our shoulders and wonder if we have been discovered. Even if I have stopped worrying about those aspects, it seems to be an unavoidable part of being trans.

I don't think that will ever entirely go away but may perhaps dwindle down to such a frequency that it becomes just another tiny irritant of life.

Yesterday I came upon a video on FFS by happenstance and all the testimonials had been about how the procedure had made such a drastic improvement in the lives of the patients. These transwomen could now live with much less trepidation and fear. The scrutiny and the stares had been reduced in some cases to zero.

They finally blended.