A kind of mourning

If you are a trans person who was ever non self-accepting, at some point there needs to be a kind of mourning taking place for the character you tried so hard to be. The older you are, the more invested in that person you were and the harder it will be to make that mental shift. Up to the age of 45 I was completely in denial and it's taken the next 15 years to slowly come to a place of balance in large part because by that age the demands of career and family distract us so much. Don't get me wrong in that I took the right path but it means that last bit of work had to wait until retiring and having grown children.

Some people with perhaps little to no dysphoria find some formula which works years before I did but I know I am hardly alone because I have read many narratives like my own. Many have been late transitioners.

Today I understand those people far better than I thought I ever would and why I warn those like me that, if it hasn't yet, it may hit them later with the intensity of a freight train.