After a while

After a while you almost forget you are dressed in traditionally female attire. After all, they are your clothes and not someone else's and it becomes part of your daily reality. By this stage you know whether this is right for you or not. Sure, your small problems are still very much there but you have at least taken care of one element which hung precariously in the balance without a proper resolution and a level of dissatisfaction I could not seem to resolve.

This turned out to be what I needed which was to live my life with my own level of normalcy instead of having it be dictated to me. Perhaps the main reason I have such aversion to the term "crossdressing" is because I cannot relate to a descriptor which tries to simplify something considerably deeper in myself and many others more vested in identity.

After we deal with the stigma, the guilt and the shame we are left with the original person with the same instincts present in that scolded 4 year old. You don't need to understand the impetus perfectly or analyze it to death as I repeatedly used to. I just need to accept and bask and stop asking questions.

Getting rid of the need to live for that next fix of euphoria has given way to a peacefulness and well-being which is so much better.