How we convey identity

Gender used to have a stronger association with role than it does today. In other words, men and women had more restrictive roles within society which fed into the notion of identity. So presentation signaled identity but your role was also a major factor placing you within a societal category.

Today roles have been very much blurred which means we are left with expression and self-identification as the main pillars. For example, a very male presenting lesbian could be read as a transgender man, as a non-binary person but she might simply identify herself as a masculine woman. The public cannot readily tell unless she states it openly.

There have been more extreme examples where someone who confuses the public with their presentation expects that they will be recognized for who they feel they are but perhaps fails. What then is the onus on society to do a mea culpa for not being more sensitive and acknowledging identity.

Of course now we enter the slippery slope of what we used to call "passing". Here there are two schools of thought where one says I don't need to blend in but simply be accepted while the other wants to blend in and be left alone. There is no denying that one important aspect of gender is performance which people tend to expect.

I think what it boils down to is your internal sense of identity being balanced against your presentation to the world. The messaging you want to convey will be read differently by people depending on their cultural ideas and biases they have ingested.

The ideal world is one where no one hides or feels the need to fit in because they have developed a strong sense of self. However the reality is that no one is so secure that they are completely immune to being singled out and mocked.