How to know it's not a fetish has a short answer which is that something always remains unresolved. Someone who enjoys dressing for sexual pleasure has no riddle to solve and post-orgasm they simply go back to their life until the next time.
A person with dysphoria has their sexuality impacted because any disconnect between birth sex and core identity will necessarily impact all aspects of their personhood. However if you don't suffer from any identity incongruence you can enjoy expression without the nagging unresolved part about what to do. That's how you know there may not be more for you to do other than accept yourself.Resolving need not mean a complete transition but it might. Everyone has their own path.
While in college, (1971) and a few years into a 17 year suppression of my gender variance, I took an upper-level course in Abnormal Psychology. The textbook for the class had a short, one paragraph definition of "Transvestitism." I don't remember if it actually included the word, fetish, but it did include sexual arousal, followed by masturbation to the point of ejaculation - and then it's over until the next time. That was news to me, as I had never even considered doing such a thing when cross dressed in the past. In fact, I had always been averse to the occasional erections I had when cross dressed (as if the onset of male puberty isn't confusing enough, in itself). When I started cross dressing, I was too young to have been concerned with this phenomenon at all. Had I known the art of tucking, and the need for it, the arousal would have been painful physically, as well.
ReplyDeleteThe textbook definition didn't fit me, which just added to my resolve to suppress. I married, had two daughters, and thought I'd overcome my youthful diversions forever. The suppression was the diversion, though, and it took many years of analyzing what I was not to find who I am now.
I had also been very averse to anything sexual and my gender variance began well before puberty as well. The appearance of erections by puberty is what helped to keep all this underground as much as possible and myself in denial for years later. Today there are no erections of course but many younger transgender people can mistake that having fantasies about being female and any subsequent orgasm as nullifying their identity which it does not. Julia Serano calls these female embodiment fantasies which can be viewed as outlets for managing dysphoria
DeleteA cis woman can feel sexy and be aroused by herself, too. I see myself to be more aligned with that than my male-self being aroused by a fantasy. Actually, my male body's response is cause for more dysphoria, as I don't like being aware of my own male genitalia - or anyone's, for that matter.
ReplyDeleteYes agreed. It's like your mind is female but your anatomy is male and that disconnect helps feed the dysphoria. By fantasy I mean the dreaming of the closing of that gap between those two realities which Jack Molay coined as crossdreaming.
DeleteI dare say that I wish I had a gap I could close (so to speak). As I reject the notion of Autogynephilia, though, I think I would rather have nothing at all than what I have.
DeleteAGP has already been debunked and yes I understand about closing that gap which I have tried to do all my life :)
DeleteThis is always a big topic. An important one. I see it a lot.
ReplyDeleteI feel sometimes it is hard to know (early on) if what one is feeling is "gender euphoria" or "arousal." Like they both release the same brain chemicals. And it can get confusing. It certainly did for me. Especially when you are just a kid and ignorant to many things.
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DeleteJust remember that the presence of arousal need not be an issue as long as the person is happy with the euphoria of expression. The problem can happen when we disregard an issue of dysphoria merely because of it's occasional presence. Some people are fine dressing up and experiencing euphoria without ever questioning core identity. Where your own situation lies is something only you can answer with the prime objective being a harmonious and peaceful existence.
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