Picking up the pieces

I find that the hardest thing for an older transgender person to do is to reconcile and make peace with their past. We may be perfectly happy where we are going forward but the connections we made and experiences we had do not just disappear. Some people will not understand the change we have made even if they don't fully reject us and so we must sometimes build little bridges to allow them to catch up should we desire it. My recent lunch with my sister was such an event.

The older you are when you transition, the more difficult this process may be.

Sometimes we may feel like avoiding family gatherings because they are awkward for you and for them. You have moved to a new plateau but they haven't yet caught up. Dressing up like the person they expect feels cheap and like you are denying your identity as a transgender person.

This is part of the mental cleanup I am in the middle of. I have moved on but I am still picking up trailing pieces of the puzzle and incorporating them somehow to complete a full and conciliatory image of who I am. Our lives are overwhelmingly about dealing with our own psychology.

Younger transgender folks have less lived history to consider and so are often fortunate to be able to bring others along on their journey; often before the age of 30.

It's an entirely different game today.