Compensation

To varying degrees, we all have life coping schemas that we develop. Some examples are martyr complex, co-dependency, people pleaser, problem solver, etc. These are methods of getting us through life and are often developed as compensation for childhood issues. For example, if we are looking for love we may develop the people pleaser profile to get the affection we didn't get during our formative years.

The problem with many of these schemas is that they mask an underlying problem which hasn't been addressed. In order to heal the psyche we need to realize that we are using compensation techniques and address the core blockage which impedes our development into optimum versions of ourselves.

I was the problem solver. Everybody else's except my own.

As transgender people (especially older ones) we likely made choices filtered through these schemas. We may even have chosen life partners that feed and sustain them and we are unwittingly helping to propagate them.