A deeper meaning

If you think about it, life doesn't make a lot of sense. No one asks your permission but you are nevertheless thrust into a confusing world that takes much of your life to figure out. You suffer, enjoy some happiness and then time runs out except that you never know when. 

Recently I came upon some videos dealing with near death experiences which resembled each other. People are jolted into tunnels or cosmic blackness with lights in the distance. The tales all end with a newly found sense of well being and calm about knowing they will rejoin a collective consciousness that made them want to stay where they were. 

In my early thirties (right before my father fell prey to his cancer) I read a book about making sense out of suffering which was the Christian perspective of a reward as the great equalizer for lives spent here in various states of inequity. I was more conventionally devout then and yet a certain appeal remains for the idea of tying up loose ends for a life that sometimes seems devoid of order and deeper meaning.

I have left things very open while knowing we know but a tiny fraction regarding our origins or purpose and leave it at that.