Monday, December 16, 2024

The prime directive

For a long time my prime directive was to avoid transition. There was simply too much complexity in my life and I felt I was too old for it. There were too many risks and so I settled for dysphoria management which was somewhat effective but felt somehow dishonest. Introducing full transparency and authenticity was the last piece of the puzzle save for the people who didn't need to know my past. 

I didn't need surgeries because I had been blessed with certain genetics plus for me this was about psychology and didn't involve needing to modify my plumbing. I know for some people this is not good enough and they need to go further. Dysphoria makes different demands of people.

Once you get to a social transition formula you don't want to mess with it because it took decades to arrive at and then fine tune. There is no compromising with the perfection of what ostensibly is reflective of your identity. It is who you are even if to an outsider it feels like either too much compromise or that you have gone too far to lead a conventional life. 

Transgender people end up with awkward paths because life is difficult enough when you aren't this way. There are going to be compromises, unwelcome surprises and long talks with people who ultimately reject and don't understand you. As much as I love the open environment today even the young don't automatically have a direct and easy path despite having less roadblocks.

I was talking last might with the mother of my daughter's boyfriend who asked why I had not ventured into relationships once my last one failed and I told her that I was happy to not mess with a life formula that had taken so much effort to arrive at. At 60 and in an awkward situation at home living with her ex-husband for financial reasons, she could relate to the complexities of sharing a life with someone at this life juncture. 

You don't want things to unravel plus you know full well there are some things just not open to compromise. 

Your identity is definitely not one of them.

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Retribution

In retrospect, presidential immunity was a monumentally stupid mistake......