The compartmentalized life

One of the clues we might be transgender is that over time we increasingly have trouble with compartmentalizing our cross gender expression. It's no longer working and the dysphoric feelings persist or increase. 

In the past you have been busy enough to ignore things but now realize there is more than meets the eye and expressing yourself once every few weeks or months is not helping at all. 

The possibility that the feelings are much deeper is put on the table and they are examined. You realize that splitting yourself into two characters is becoming more cumbersome to the psyche and produces distress rather than encouraging a peaceful harmony of male and female energy. 

This is how I began to realize that I was gender dysphoric and not just a male enjoying sporadic expression. The signs that were there since very young were being ignored because downplaying them felt more convenient and less frightening than face the likelihood that there was much more.

The more I reflected, the more I realized that compartmentalization was a convenient dodge rather than a desired outcome because it meant I could stop at a point that didn't perturb my effort to lead the life I was then living. 

When compartmentalized behavior is used more as a coping mechanism or pressure relief valve than as an end goal, there is likely more happening than we are admitting; something which older transgender people were much more likely to fall prey to.