Your core identity

If you understand who you are at your core it should not matter what you wear. Near the end of my career when I was going to the office still presenting male (before the pandemic), I already had a deep understanding that I was a transgender person who had been that way from birth. My introspection over the years had only confirmed it.

However this knowledge often does not come easily and I have read so many comments on other blogs that show me how unique each person's perspective of themselves is. It confirms that we are as diverse and special as the stars in the heavens and why these days I am increasingly not thinking beyond a spectrum of human behavior.

Once you know who you are, it should bring you peace and confirm you have arrived at inner knowledge. However if any turmoil persists it is because we still have work to do on ourselves. Some of that work will divulge certain truths which may go against a life script we wrote (or let others write) for ourselves, which is why for many people only prolonged therapy will suffice. For some years, this blog was where I did that work on myself.

We can risk becoming obsessive with this topic until we have settled into ourselves, and so it was with me until something finally clicked. Of course my intellectual curiosity occupied much of that energy because I needed to comprehend what the drivers for a transgender identity might be. That I continue this fascination today, it is thankfully now pursued with much less emotional investment. But I am still left to clean up my indignation at the stupidity of the world and learning to let it go because I cannot fix it. To that end I need more Zen which is coming slowly with my retirement.

One thing is certain though: you can only outrun your core identity for so long before it catches up with you.

Believe me I tried.