Criteria

As a transgender person here is the type of questioning I have gone through regarding extended family:

1) Do I want the best for them? Yes
2) Would we be friends if we were not related? For the most part no
3) Are we obliged by virtue of blood to develop a connection? No
4) Have they done enough to come my way in 16 years? No
5) Have I effectively communicated the struggle that transgender people go through? Yes
5) Do I miss them when I don't see them? Not really
6) Would their absence leave a gaping hole in my life? No

This type of exercise is useful because it helps develop our contingency plan when family detracts from uplifting your identity. If you feel a strong sense of obligation you ask yourself why which does not mean I wouldn't help them if they need it. 

My mother and my kids are a different story and they have come through.

There isn't malevolence involved with extended family only that being obtuse is not an admirable quality and the vapid conversations when we have been all together only reinforces a stance which was largely honed over the pandemic.