It took me a long time to feel fully comfortable with having other women identify me as one of them. At first I felt almost guilty not telling them but at the same time I was afraid to go back and potentially derail a friendship with older women who I would have to go into great detail about what transgender means when it had no bearing on our connection.
Friends who had transitioned young told me I had no such obligation and they helped me to realize that it wasn't owed. I was always being myself and truthful about every aspect other than my birth sex which these women simply assumed.Today I have a healthy circle of women friends who help fill my need for human contact. The women (and men) from work who knew me before have accepted me with open arms without hesitation and I am always Joanna to them.
If I have learned anything is that people appreciate the core and not the skin we come in which I wish I had learned far earlier in life. They care about who we are and not the external packaging.
Hey Joanna, I just came across your blog and look forward to catching up.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote: "It took me a long time to feel fully comfortable with having other women identify me as one of them. At first I felt almost guilty not telling them..."
I feel blessed that everywhere I go and as far as I can tell everyone I interact with genders me as female. But I recently had a situation that I'm still struggling with.
Every two weeks I meet up with several Japanese women for Japanese conversation practice and a small amount of coaching. I've been studying the language for several years and love it. The last time a new middle-aged woman was there and it came up that I was an electrical engineer. She commented that back when I was at university it must have been incredibly rare for women to be in the classes. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to give her the straight scoop and although I wasn't really worried about how any of them would react I also didn't want to distract all of them to focus on me. So, I nodded, and the conversation moved on. I resolved to take her aside when we finished to inform her.
Ah, but plans have a tendency to fall apart. She left us about five minutes early. This Saturday we have another coffee set up and I hope to see her and have a chance to be open with her.
And, I may open up to all of them. After all, I hope that as a result they'll be able to tell their friends and family that hey, I met one, and she's pretty cool!
Hi Emma I suggest that you do what is best for you especially if them knowing or not changes nothing. You are still the same person inside and if someone were to ask me I would admit to being transgender but it just doesn't. If keeping the information from them makes you feel uncomfortable then go ahead as all good people are perfectly cool with us and you get to be an advocate!;))
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