Compromise

Over the years I have written extensively on the topic of compromise for gender variant people: an issue which applies much more to older gynephilics than any other demographic.

I keep refining my thinking on this as my own life situation has progressed which saw two major relationships fail. My being transgender wasn't the main breakup cause and yet, in both cases, it was certainly an inconvenient truth. 

Since gender variance runs a wide gamut between freely chosen expression and issues of core identity, it is very difficult to advise what one should do. The only thing I know for certain is that identity is not a commodity readily negotiated away and if you fit more the description of hobbyist (not my description but one I see often used) then you will have less trouble finding compromise. 

The presence of gender dysphoria will be where the rubber hits the road here and the more virulent the strain, the more difficult things will be. Still, I was able to find a compromise solution for myself which included navigating raising two children who, now in their twenties, are among my big supporters. 

Today, compromise is no longer necessary but I did more than my fair share and then some.

What is certain is that too much negotiating away core identity does not yield to a good result in that neither partner will be happy. A relationship is only as healthy as the person who is the least happy and faking your way through life isn't a recipe I would recommend from where I currently sit today. 

Looking back I know I did the best I could for someone born in 1962. With almost no resources to speak of (other than my ravenous appetite to research the topic), episodes of dysphoria management got me through but over the years I ultimately learned that it was no way to live. 

I stay away from labels these days because I see they mean different things to different people. Suffice it to say that if something feels off in the way you are living it will bubble to the surface with increasing frequency as you age particularly if gender dysphoria is involved. 

Young people today come out much younger and don't need to enter relationships in denial which is already a massive advantage over what we had.

Compromise as you deem fit.