Discipline

I grew up with rigid discipline and a sense of responsibility that I am now toning down because I can. It's a kind of reinvention of the self based on what my soul demands as remediation for what I was taught. It's the last remaining battle to be fought. 

I wasn't the kind of person who would ever let their guard down or give myself leniency. Instead I felt I had to perform to a standard which was in part rooted in avoiding being seen to fail in front of others. We are our own worst critics. 

I was successful but it takes a toll especially when you have a deep dark secret. 

Today I preach that everyone give themselves a break from the obligation to perform and it's when we get older that we realize much of it was absolutely for nothing. 

For we are allowed to be vulnerable.