Sometimes your friends have a way of being succinct and encapsulate things better than you can. They can cut through the subtleties of the subject matter because they aren't as well versed in it.
So when I asked Beatrice, who has known me for about 15 years, what she thought about my change she texted:
"You are now just unapologetically YOU!"
It was perfect.
I've received the same sort of comment a number of times. Because I consider it to be a compliment, I have never pushed it any further by asking what they might have thought of me before. Was I apologetic and fake? Well, I think I was those things often, if not all of the time - depending on the person and our relationship. I also became quite adept at hiding not only my authentic self, but the dysphoria-fueled depression, as well. Being a perfectionist by nature, I eventually learned that I could be a perfect idiot with all the grand illusions and lengths I would go through to seem normal on the outside, because back then it was much more important to me that people found me to be acceptable than it was for me to accept myself. It's a bit of a shame, though, that by the time I became comfortable in my own skin, my skin was beginning to wrinkle. Not that I'd apologize for that, because I've earned every one of my wrinkles! :)
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate with all you say. We spend much of our life fitting in and pleasing and don't consider authenticity to be as important. I didn't even accept my authentic self at all and so to get here feels quite miraculous. I think people see me happier because of it and it is that they are reacting to ;)
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