The last bit of cleanup for older transgender people often involves those who knew us before and have certain expectations. They thought they knew the real you and they did, but only in part.
The other day I watched a video of a young man discussing why he didn't like to go home for Christmas. He wasn't transgender but the analogy felt the same in that he noticed people were expecting him to be his old self except that he had changed. He had grown as a person considerably since leaving home and returning made him feel uncomfortable especially when comments were made which reinforced the realization that people were not recognizing that change.
People can't help it and their obtuseness can come from focusing on their own lives which is why we need to live ours. We can draw a line in the sand and decide we are going to live our authenticity and not be impacted by those who feel uncomfortable with it. They don't live inside our skin and cannot understand why we have changed.
Transgender people can have a habit of being apologetic and bend the knee to find acceptance from others. But we need to be careful not to lose sight of who we are in the process just to make others comfortable.
Over a number of years I have increasingly made friends with people who don't know my gender history which has been great for my self esteem and identity reinforcement. But tying up loose ends with our history can feel like a chore especially if the bond with those people is not overly strong. However it doesn't have to be harder than it needs to be if people are willing to come and meet us where we live because they want to know the real us.
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