Young people's future

 

Giving people a chance

Over time I stopped being an elitist. When you are hard on yourself you are hard on others which is realized once you drop the weight you are carrying. Human defense mechanisms are easier for me to spot now except that acknowledging your own can be extremely difficult when you are sporting blinders.

My father was a highly educated and exacting intellectual and my mother the product of critical parents and that combination seemed to feed into helping me hide my core identity. If I wasn't allowed to be who I was then I could at least criticize the flaws of the "great unwashed".

This turned out to be a mistake and I now remain loyal to my principles while giving people a chance to show me who they really are beyond the mask they wear for the world. If there is genuine goodness there it will eventually make itself known in a myriad of ways.

We give people a chance but as a prerequisite we first do the same for ourselves.

No reason to stop

Even if my original mission for starting to write is over, I am not inclined to stop. I may slow down or take a break but this current blog will not disappear. The human condition is simply too interesting.

When you've lived a while things coalesce in your mind and the puzzle pieces seem to fit at least within the boundaries of what makes us so volatile and maddeningly predictable. Once you have largely dealt with your own demons a kind of objectivity sets in which helps you understand things better.

What remains during this early retirement cleanup isn't much more than tweaking the psyche to an even more comfortable setting. As much as I was sure that five years ago that I had arrived at a baseline, I realize in retrospect that there was still more work to do. 

For humans, it seems there always is.

Confidence loss

We've all been hit with a sudden loss of confidence in public. It's like a slap in the face and the cheeks become flushed. Suddenly we think everyone reads us.

I used to have these all the time and I am still not entirety immune and will momentarily succumb to them. There are days when all of a sudden a glance from someone is perceived as the jig being up and our confidence deflates like a flat tire.

There is no perfect recovery except that I shake off those little episodes by remembering where I am, how far my journey has come and that I know exactly who I am. Plenty of people lose confidence daily who aren't in any way gender variant. You can see their expressions in the street and on public transit giving away that something is weighing on them. 

We've all been there.

That we are fragile creatures is a given and we are constantly building up self esteem when it threatens to crumble.

Extremely thick skin is an asset.

Set point

It was 9 Celsius this morning and I saw that some parkas are still out. Personal set points are so varied that you will also see people in T shirts on the very same mornings. I tend to side more with the latter as I suffer heat much more readily than cold.

Older people seem the most prone to overdress on spring mornings but as it climbs towards 15C you are then stuck with a winter jacket to trudge around in. I left the house in a jean skirt, my jacket is a cardigan and on my feet dependable walking flats. I won't feel too uncomfortable later when the temperature increases. For me the winter jacket and the gloves won't be seen again until next winter.

Thus Canadians have become a less hardy bunch over the years which immigration from tropical countries has affected. People who have not grown up experiencing -20C are unlikely to feel cozy in only a sweater even above zero. They are the ones still wearing the tuques and the gloves on a spring morning.

When I was in Iceland some years back the locals were out in short sleeves and shorts much sooner than we would be under the same conditions. They don't get the hot summers and are spared the very cold winters. They seize the day when they can.

Where's the fire

The most important gift we can give ourselves is peace of mind which then encourages us to relax. I'm still learning how because after decades of running your body and mind still race except now there is no reason for it.

After a year and a half I am improving but am not yet where I would like to be. It's like the mind looks for the next deadline, the next challenge whether one misses it or not. Your are like the soldier still braced for battle who needs to put the weapons down but is too accustomed to have them at the ready.

It's not about filling one's time with other things but instead about not being braced for the 5 alarm fire that never comes.

Lapses

Anyone can have a YouTube channel from which they spew their own brand of misinformation provided what they sell hits a bullseye with a receptive audience. With the dearth of critical thinking out there its not that hard and I have tried to stay away from content that makes my head want to explode from the sheer stupidity. 

The lapses of logic and consistency are not a problem for them provided the poison goes down well with their viewers which number in over a million subscribers.

One recent example included blaming college campus demonstrations on Biden but in reverse. They failed to note that the students were protesting the administration's support for the Israeli government which these boneheads also supported. Somehow that was converted into Biden supporting Hamas which suddenly made my head spin.

These right wing channels aren't meant for the deeply intelligent but more for those wanting to have their bias confirmed. Therefore lapses in logic need not be too bothersome.

Nature and nurture

I am always fascinated by the nurture versus nature components inherent in the concept of gender. Messaging received in childhood can have a significant impact on behaviour and certainly on presentation which is most of the time enforced quite early. Before the child has a chance to experiment with their leanings they are told what toys to play with, how to sit, how to dress, etc.

I am certain that there is a biological component to gender which David Reimer helped us to understand. John Money's idea that gender could be enforced via child rearing went down spectacularly in flames and culminated in Reimer's suicide in his thirties. So much for that concept.

So if we establish that gender identity contains both learned and innate components, what is interesting is to what degree each person buys into a narrative scripted for them. Many transgender people who are older were not given the choice and spent decades in an internal battle between our indoctrination and instinct. Today's openness has avoided that trans kids suffer in silence for as long as we did but it has also brought with it confusion among people for whom gender variance is less matter of necessity than experimentation.

This is where the question gets murky and untangling primordial essence from experimental curiosity has yielded confusion for some. Here the wish-washy term "trans" does not help those trying to figure out a life formula but then those with gender dysphoria tend to know it because it's grip is ultimately inescapable and begs to not be ignored. If you've never struggled with what to do it could be because you might not be gender dysphoric and never were.

The combination of nature and nurture in each of us is so unique that it can be very challenging to craft a life plan and seeking inspiration from someone else can prove ultimately futile and even detrimental to our own life.

The English Game

"The English Game" is a very good series. The late 19th century game of football was a gentleman's sport which did not allow players to be paid. The working class could not imagine winning the FA cup but they loved the game and dreamed of one day fielding a team that could.

If you liked Downton Abbey this one is also written by Julian Fellowes and at just six episodes it's not a lengthy series. It is well acted and we care about the characters as they struggle to make lives for themselves during a difficult era where wages were meager and sport distracted, motivated and united the people.

On Netflix.

Free Spirit

Caro had her fingernails painted this morning which she almost never does. She had attended a funeral the previous Saturday and had used press on nails only to cut them short to be able to work her job at the Atwater market.

"It's fun being a girl isn't it?" I tell her pointing to the tasteful colour she has applied to them and she gleefully agrees while adding a Cheshire cat smile.

We have developed a good rapport after seeing each other twice a week over several years. In her mid forties, possesses a cacophonous laugh which at first exposure shocks but one quickly gets used to. It comes from a genuine spirit which hints of emotional intelligence, sensitivity but also strength which one needs if your heart is carried on the sleeve.

We share little life catch up moments when she has time to come to my table. It's become a type of sisterhood I had not expected to find and hadn't thought to look for. It sprouted organically from my attraction to people who are almost frighteningly genuine.

As someone who lived under a mask for so long these connections have helped me come out from under my protective cover even more to solidify and anchor my own authenticity. She tells me she appreciates my wisdom and I admit to her my admiration for a spirit with such kindness and jubilant looseness.

It's the perfect exchange.

Life?