The choice of authenticity versus family is the toughest challenge a transgender person can face and should it ever come down to ultimatums everyone loses. The transgender person suffers repression and cannot be their best self for someone who does not really accept them as they truly are. The partner gets someone who isn't fully whole.
Today I know this in my bones so well except that for years I tried to play the compromise game only to have less than successful relationships. You cannot be happy not being yourself and sharing a life with someone who does not appreciate you fully.
Lessons are like that in life sometimes where we must get burned to get the message but fortunately with the current climate of openness means that situations like mine will become much more a thing of the past.
As far as extended family goes they have never been less important to me since they do not form part of my circle of connections which feed my authenticity. With them it is about keeping an arms length and doing your best to keep the ties you value without feeling obligated or losing who you are.
It must be said that some people can navigate these waters with less incident but I don't know of many stories that don't involve deep compromises.
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