Agency

The nature versus nurture debate has been going on forever. The inputs that go into creating a human being are understood to be sourced in both genetic predisposition as well as in social influences. 

We just don't know the exact proportions of each. 

However, being the product of both doesn't mean we don't have some agency over the process because we do. We can work on ourselves and allow the brain's neuroplasticity to create a modified version of the self. 

New neural pathways are created which negate the idea that we can't change when we indeed can. 

At the same time we should acknowledge that no one is going to come to our rescue. No specialist is going to rid us completely of childhood trauma or some other issue we need to repair. Here we are going to have to be our own best resource which we always are. 

Therefore the inputs go in (including all the messy little errors of our parents) and we then take the reins for the rest of the way.

Plenty of people use distractions such as over consumption to skip this part which is a shame because a lived life is one worthy of examination.

A little chaos is a good thing

The bus was full of camp kids going to the pool and Patricia my neighbor wasn't happy about it. It was hot and she was tired from having run morning errands. 

The kids were making noise and they were a little too rowdy for her liking as she tried to show me pictures on her phone. 

Patricia and I had happened to run into each other and both thought that the 11:30 bus was going to leave on time. However, suddenly the driver turns towards the passengers and tells us there is a mechanical problem and he cannot start the vehicle. 

Everyone gets off. 

After a short reflection, Patricia and I make our way towards a stop where another bus will get us close enough to be able to walk the rest of the way home. She has to make little rest stops along the way due to her lung capacity issue. Her health problems have been frequent of late. 

We wait and talk and after a while we see the entire camp crew coming towards our stop obliging Patricia to blurt out a disappointed "oh no" 

This was all a good thing for a recovering control freak like me.Things are not going my way and yet I'm fine which signaled I have improved dramatically. 

Finally the other bus arrives and Patricia and I board, making sure she has a seat. 

I end up smiling and talking to the young chaperones who have more youthful patience than I do. One of the young camp attendees is clearly disabled and Patricia makes eye contact and smiles at her. 

When our stop comes up we weave through the crowd and one of the young counselors and I exchange smiles and she wishes me a good day. 

For me it's mission accomplished and I tell Patricia that as we make our way slowly up the street towards her house. I had enjoyed both our overlap and the one with the counselors on the bus. 

I hadn't anticipated any of this but just went with the flow and made the best of it. It ended up being more interesting than a routine ride home.

Perhaps there's hope for me yet.