Embracing calm

If you're used to action,  retirement will surprise you. The slowdown is beneficial but it can confuse you at first. Having spent years looking after deadlines and obligations you suddenly find yourself as the main focus of attention. 

Calming has been good and has smoothed the edges of my transition. There is less erratic bumping against objects which previously blocked it and clarity of mind has helped me fine tune a balance point. 

Older transgender people are often masters of denial and refusal to properly look after the self. Having made commitments to others we prioritized them while allowing dysphoria to fester in the background. We deftly put out fires which kept us busy and distracted. 

There is nothing which compares with the work on the psychology which must be remade in a way that erases all negative messaging regarding our nature with no early childhood programming more pervasive than that received by those of us born into mid twentieth century religious families. 

There can be no gambling now with going backwards because getting here took you so very long. 

And so you embrace calm.