Stubborn

I was speaking with Deanna yesterday who ended up at the CAMH (yes Blanchard's home turf) around the same time that I was at the Montréal General Hospital Gender Identity clinic in my mid 40's. We both asked them for the same thing which they could not ultimately provide: 

"Please, can you help to make these feelings go away?" 

We wanted to be who we were raised to be rather than who we were. Such is the power of programming from birth but instead, these gender clinics helped us to begin to accept. 

It then took me more years of chipping away with hesitating energy and brakes always at the ready to be certain that I was on the right track. 

Older transgender people were hard to crack while getting little to no support from those closest to us who couldn't possibly understand. 

The path of most resistance turned out to be the only way for me since I needed proof and comprehension of what I was facing. Ultimately no one else could convince me until I had done my own careful homework because I was too stubborn to succumb to what could have been self delusion.

I no longer need any proof, just some fine tuning.