The entire portrait

One of the hardest things to do in this life is to become a unique entity. Thus to detach ourselves from outside opinion and expectation and develop authenticity can be very difficult. 

On our journey to become authentic beings I point to several key aspects we should work on: 

- Self-respect 

- Transparency

- disregard for destructive opinion 

As I was working out how to grapple with my situation over the years, I realized that hiding was antithetical to both self-respect and transparency which only made me feel trapped. Once you begin to realize who you are, steps need to be taken to uphold that self otherwise you risk seeing yourself as flawed. 

I preferred to work outside of the LGBTQ bubble not only to ensure objectivity but also because I didn't agree with many of the viewpoints expressed within that community. We are first and foremost unique individuals with differing stories and perspectives.

It can be a little nerve wracking to work out your own thinking but it had to be done so that the narrative of my life could make sense. My experience had to be put into context and rationalized by finding out how much of what we absorb during our formative years has veracity. 

The cleanup phase I am finishing now is precisely about tying up any loose ends vis a vis my reading and reflecting over the years plus the final bits of reconciling my lived experience with the present. It's putting together any still missing pieces of the puzzle and integrate them into a more cohesive and solid psychological perspective of what it means to be transgender.

Up to now my life has been an iteration process in dealing with not aligning with my early formation. Finding authenticity meant incorporating all aspects of myself into the broader portrait of who I am which goes well beyond gender.

If you think you are dealing with an issue of identity, this exercise becomes pretty much mandatory particularly if you are older and came at acceptance through resistance.