There is nothing more tenacious for older transgender people than impostor syndrome which keeps telling you that you are a fraud, you will be found out eventually and rejected.
Others don't see it because they accept us at face value and believe who we tell them we are. Therefore we are the problem and not them.
The origin of this syndrome is the hard coding of original programming received virtually since birth. It is so deeply pervasive that I don't think this syndrome is entirely curable. If you live full time it can even worsen for a time until you find a way to wrestle it down to a manageable level. The longer you lived in denial the more difficult it will be to view ourselves outside of this lens.
Transgender youth grew up in a world that was far more malleable and are much less prone to fall prey to feeling like impostors.
The best way out of it is to rethink the binary in your mind and abandon the coordinate system you accepted as being correct. We fashion a new one which includes other diverse people who make up the human mosaic. This is of course easier said than done.
In spite of all the progress I have made over my life, the wedding and retirement party I attended were both subject beforehand to a voice inside the head warning of things that never transpired.
Wasted energy all for naught.
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