Repressed anger in older transgender people is very common and is frequently a complex mix of gender dysphoria, the stress of being a minority, grief over lost time and inadequate acceptance from friends and family.
The lack of support and resources over decades can build to a crescendo and once major life distractions are removed there is no way to avoid fully facing it.
I've had to distill my frustration very carefully over years especially as I entered retirement. It's like slowly letting air out of a tire.
You get by for years taking the euphoria where you can get it and suppressing dysphoria through immersion into everyday life.
However, one day you finally realize that there is nowhere to run or hide from it.
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