To an 11

Being transgender involves a life full of second guessing yourself. There is almost no way around it. 

Was I read? Do I "pass"? (a term I hate) Is my voice ok? Should I medically transition? What will my family and friends think? 

The list goes on and on. 

It is the usual human existential angst ramped up to an 11 and no matter your age or life situation there will be plenty of obstacles in the way. 

I wish I could say there was a shortcut but there isn't. The only way is to slowly build a resolve made of steel that has you move forward because stagnating is the scarier of the two options. 

I struggled like everyone else existing within this tiny fraction of humanity but I wouldn't trade climbing uphill for anything. It made me stronger, more resilient and less easily derailed by people whose opinions don't matter. Sometimes that ends up including family and people you thought were your true friends. 

In the end no one can take care of you like yourself. You can hope to get assistance but you cannot count on it as a guarantee. 

I've learned a lot about humanity in my life; enough to know that the general public is far more short-sighted and far less intelligent than I thought. It's helped me to let many of them go and to choose more wisely. 

It's also taught me to be kinder to myself.