It's too bad

I have come to conclude with great certainty that the only way to have a truly healthy relationship with another person is to first love oneself and have some possession of authenticity; perhaps not perfectly but as close as possible to it. 

If this does not occur we are entering wounded and possibly ready to accept less than we deserve. We will at the same time not be able to provide the best version of ourselves to another person. 

I understand that I am presenting a high bar here but I've known too many people who hobble along and toil within co-dependency where each tends to the other's wounds. 

One such example would be the control freak paired with the disorganized perennial victim. 

It's not possible to have perfection but when we choose partners early in life we let surface chemistry and what we determine to be compatibility cover up the more nuanced and subconscious reasons lying underneath which tie us to childhood; as example the wounded daughter looking for the substitute father figure. 

It's a shame that we come to self-knowlwdge later but I suspect there is no other way.