Comes with the territory

Once or twice I've had people who have known me a long time be mildly and pleasantly surprised when I tell them that new friends I have made over recent years don't know I am transgender; something which originally baffled me as well.

The explanation for this is simple.

Those older friends met you in a different guise and that association isn't readily undone in the psyche. They understand full well that you aren't wearing a costume but their baseline reference point is a different one than people who don't know. 

The challenge, particularly for older transitioners, is to balance those different worlds and potentially have a perennial series of coming out events. It is then left up to us to handle this with deftness and the understanding that not everyone needs to know or is owed every bit of information about us. 

Sometimes it can feel like a minefield and, as example, yesterday Monika asked me via text if I had transitioned medically. She and I worked together starting about 25 years ago and happens to live in my neighbourhood. 

We hadn't seen each other for years and met again several years ago in a local café after I was well into my snail's pace social transition and I had to introduce myself otherwise she wouldn't have recognized me. 

So in essence we can end up with many loose ends and potentially awkward situations which, unfortunately or otherwise, come with the territory.