Muscle memory

If you are transitioning later in life you will at times find the process quite rocky. You may have been hiding for years and suddenly you are left exposed to the opinions of others plus your original instincts as a child have been quashed by decades of persistent indoctrination. 

In a sense you are dropping a mask and adopting what feels like a new identity which really isn't. It is instead the permission slip to be authentic in a way you were never allowed to be. 

This process can be arduous but ultimately prove rewarding provided we don't give up. The focus should be exclusively on our psychology instead of the more mundane aspects of presentation which are, by comparison, almost meaningless. What you wear or don't won't help you here.

In other words, what we think of ourselves should take priority over what others do which requires elevating self esteem particularly if you vigorously suppressed and fought your dysphoria.

You are in a kind of battle with the person you very earnestly tried to be which isn't easy. The muscle memory wants to take you back but you resist because are tired of playing that game.

Little by little and one day at a time, you win more battles until you ultimately begin to win the war.