For more important things

I suddenly remembered I had received a Sephora gift certificate from my daughter and decided to buy a new lipstick before grabbing my bus. 

Going into the store feels very different these days and there is no build up of nerves or the slightest hesitation before entering. 

It certainly isn't the gauntlet it would have been years ago. 

It's part of a balancing act which deals with both euphoria and dysphoria simultaneously. You aren't super stoked but then neither are you scared or hesitant. 

The energy you give off changes the way you are greeted when you enter as compared to when you had to build courage to do so. 

I prefer this state much better because the use of mental energy is very much optimized. I'm always trying to eliminate the reflex of overthinking which is my cardinal sin. 

Living a secret life also expends a great deal of energy which we want to save for far more worthy and important things.