Options

I suspect that trans people living hundreds of years ago coped with the knowledge that nothing could be done about their feelings. By virtue of this understanding, it was perhaps helpful in managing their dysphoria in that they needed to come to a point of resignation because there were no options.

Today things are different and knowing there are many options can add pressure to our decision process especially as we watch others have successful transitions. I know my own thinking process was affected by this and I weighed all factors with my usual surgical precision. I thought about my immediate family, health, social acceptance issues all in conjunction with the strength of my dysphoria.

So in essence, today's environment can add a level of stress to our thinking process that a trans person existing without gender affirming care options would have not had. It can make our reflection process all the more grueling.

Some historical figures lived as the opposite sex (Chevalier D'Eon, Billy Tipton, etc) but I suspect this was a small minority and most trans people would just deal with their dysphoria through life obligations and distractions (which I did for many years). However, as those distractions fall away it can get tougher to cope.

We are all different with differing levels of dysphoria which is why we cannot compare ourselves to others. I think the best approach is to take the smallest steps possible in a direction that brings us increasing authenticity while still respecting the ecosystem we have built around us we still want to maintain. This is why it can take so long to come to an equilibrium and even then conditions around us can change over time. Sometimes they improve our chances for a more congruent life as a trans person and sometimes not.

Patrotism

 

Focused

My traffic is way down compared to my old blog and yet I am infinitely happier with this version. I am more lucid than I have ever been in my life and more content regarding my gender issues while understanding to my core that no life is perfect. When you come to a point of resolution you necessarily become calmer and more focused.

I have abandoned all orthodoxy which does not make sense to me and examine things with more clarity. When there are no more sacred cows you probe everything through a clearer lens because you are less emotionally compromised. Here age and experience have helped me because I have shed all unnecessary pretense and obligation from my life. I can be bluntly honest because I have earned the right to be however never at the expense of someone's feelings. I have also successfully blended into society as myself which has no price.

At 60 my fear is gone (no I am not taking up skydiving) which is saying a lot for that shy little kid who once hid behind their parents' legs.

If I may presume, the best piece of advice I would give to any trans person still working on themselves is to own who you are. No apologies. Don't pretend that you are confident but be confident to your core. I don't care how well you blend or you don't. The hardest work I had to do on myself was all mental and once complete my reflexes kicked in and did the rest because there was nothing to learn. I just needed to allow myself to do what came naturally.

It's all about the space between your ears.

Experiment

If you remember the case of David Reimer you will note how it taught us about how a gender identity cannot be imposed. John Money insisted to his parents that the botched circumcision need not be a problem and they could simply raise him as a girl which they did.

Brenda (as he was known then) turned out to be a tomboy who refused to wear dresses and wanted to rough house with the boys. When he was told the truth, he began to live as a male and eventually married a woman only to ultimately commit suicide in his thirties.

So if this case shows us that at least part of gender is rooted in biology, it lends credence to the argument that it can be altered simply because all biological processes produce anomalies. What we currently term gender dysphoria is likely the product of biology possibly combined with sociological aspects thrown in for good measure. All this counteracting the argument by transphobes that transgender people are created via social contagion rather than through root causes (here I am purposefully leaving out elective gender variance which of course exists).

John Money's tragic experiment proved something but unfortunately it was at the cost of a precious life.

Mystery

If you've ever read an advice column or watched therapy YouTube channels, you realize just how much help we humans need. We are tortured by our childhoods, befuddled by our spouses, frustrated with our children. The list is endless and it can be almost therapeutic to see that we aren't alone. We are naturally made for drama.

There is something innate in human nature which attracts existential angst. The common denominator of all beings is that they want to be loved and understood and desire to return the favor. Everything else stems from that and many of our situations filter down to that fundamental yearning.

As I was listening to one woman explain the communication problems with her husband, I thought about what happens under the surface of every life and how the face we present to the world carries behind it some degree of mystery simply because it must.

Par for the course

Six crossdressing men in an apartment in Boston are arrested. The place is full of sex toys and children locked up in a room and a right wing YouTube channel calls the whole affair a "transgender kidnapping".

Good grief some people are just malevolent morons.

Yes I know, still working on letting it go. Give me time.

Pure idiocy

Only in America can you refuse to bake a cake or design a website for a gay couple based on religious principles but then not be permitted to turn the tables and refuse service based on your disagreement with a religion.

Hence, if I am a baker and don't agree with evangelical views (which I do not), the Supreme Court would disagree with my refusal to serve them and rule for the plaintiff. The hypocrisy-free position would be that no service is refused to anyone on the basis of beliefs or lifestyle and as a service provider your job would be to shut up and bake the cake.

This is startling here because in a country with a supposed separation of church and state, the answer should be clear. You are not allowed to be discrimated against but also cannot discriminate. But common sense is apparently too much to ask for from this ideological bunch.

This is just pure idiocy.

Groups

I have never liked to paint myself as part of any group. I am myself and the best way to speak to my own actions and views is to remain a little distant and have just the right amount of healthy skepticism for any of them. Human beings are so varied and their behavior so unique that I don't want others to speak for me. This is the way I have always been and part of the reason why I just want to talk about humans as a whole rather than about specific communities.

I have applied this kind of scrutiny towards any group my entire life (including the Catholic church) because within each of them there is always something you disagree with. I maintain my autonomy and my ability to discern remains more objective.

We think and speak for ourselves while upholding the rights and dignity of others.

Love song to a vampire

 

New tactic

I'm trying a new mental tactic which I very much like namely that I assume everyone knows I'm trans including the friends who currently don't. What this does is take any worry of discovery off my mind and should the question ever land on my plate, I am prepared for it.

People who continue to say things that confirm they don't know is fine, but the point is that I no longer care which is extremely cathartic.

Rollback

The US Supreme Court has once again confirmed that it is a rogue and ideological institution. This week's rulings on affirmative action, student debt relief and LGBTQ rights only confirming that persistent efforts by right wing ideologues over decades are now paying off. Not content with ruling on contested cases, it is now trying to set policy with hypothetical situations being ruled on before they even happen.

It's no secret that the desire to roll back rights to the early 20th century status (if not the late 19th) will only further empower the oligarchy which already runs the country. Whatever meager rights had been won over the last 100 years by the underclass are now increasingly in jeopardy.

But here's the thing: history has a precedent that when the ruling class passes a limit which the population cannot abide, there is blowback in the form of protest, revolution and grass roots mobilization to force change.

It will hurt for a while but this attempt by Evangelicals and billionaires at creating a type of authoritarian theocracy will ultimately fail and in spectacular fashion.