Did you sleep last night????

Many years ago I suffered from severe insomnia which I made worse by obsessing over sleeping. The more I worried that I wouldn't sleep well that night the less I would and so it became a vicious cycle. 

It wasn't until I came upon an internet thread for insomniacs that I realized where the core of the solution lay. The posters were also obsessing and asking each other what magic pill or formula was working for some lucky person who had solved the riddle. 

I proceeded to let go of the pressure to sleep and told myself that eventually the body would take care of itself if I allowed it to and worked on relaxing the psychology. 

After many years of internet exploration and research into gender variance I eventually concluded much the same thing in that there was often a degree of obsession that wasn't always healthy. Some of it was justified due to a person being locked out of a solution that lay just beyond their fingertips but much of it was also due to self-inflicted paralysis. 

Fear of even stepping outside took on mythic proportions and thoughts about what a next outing might look like was over analyzed. Even some transsexuals planning their medical transitions turned their angst into all-consuming urgency that might have benefitted from a more steady calm. 

The approach with my dysphoria finally took a more organic and patient approach which involved letting go of much fear which then greatly reduced obsession. I came out to increasingly more people and realized that I had done myself damage for years by over thinking what didn't deserve so much drama. I arrived at the conclusion that suppression was as bad as a bulldozer approach that trampled over an already built life. Of course every person has a different life situation and varying level (or wholesale absence) of dysphoria as well as motivations. 

Today I am very much for early transitions (in the 20's if possible) or at least living authentically when one is sure because it avoids falling into many traps down the road. We have a much cleaner slate to begin with as well as the benefit of full transparency. 

I certainly couldn't have done that in the 1980's when I was in complete denial and the climate would have been corrosive, but certainly today the way is much more open and clear for people of any age to move forward with patience, maturity, self-respect and a little bravery all of which will be eventually rewarded.