Many transgender people have trust issues and I am among them although I am recovering. We have been burned and need to find our way to a place that feels more comfortable once the mask we wore for much of our lives is fully removed.
It can feel like walking a tightrope with no net until our confidence is bolstered to a tolerable level.
This is a step-wise process which can take years and depends on your current age and how many years we have spent deep in the closet. There is no rushing it because the psychology of childhood programming cannot be undone so simply. It is like you are leaving a cult and in my case religion was added for good measure.
Will I ever fully trust people? Well no because my life experience has taught me not to. However there are those who merit it and it is they who we want in our inner circle.
Finding them and keeping them is very much worthwhile.
I really connected with this. I don’t know if I’d call mine trust issues exactly — for me, it’s more like shame.
ReplyDeleteMy wife knows about my identity, and she’s supportive in her own way… but I can tell it’s still uncomfortable for her sometimes. So even when she gives me the space and the freedom, I carry this weird weight with it. Like I’m doing something wrong, even when I know I’m not.
Maybe that is a kind of trust thing — not just with others, but with myself.
Yes often it is related to not fully trusting the self and counting on others to see us fully for who we are. Ideally this needs to be undone in order to be whole
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