My brother understood why I couldn't go to his eldest daughter's wedding as my sister in law's family are the type of people who would not understand why I am suddenly wearing women's clothing and might call for an exorcism. He knew this had nothing to do with him or his daughter but I said so clearly in advance and his response did not disappoint.
He is a very good person.
My sister in law's eldest brother is a particularly objectionable sort whose job as a teacher was threatened when his caustic online posting was discovered by his students (mirroring Jordan Peterson). I cannot tolerate him and these days my loose tongue and razor thin patience for idiots could possibly get the best of me.
I work on calming the volcano.
Interestingly the daughter of the bride is now 17 (she had the baby in high school) attended the wedding in a suit and tie and uses they/them pronouns. My sister-in-law cannot make sense of this because, despite not being a bad person, she is as thick as a post. Her gay son, who is close to my own son, remains an enigma for a limited thinker with a black and white oriented brain. For her he might still be able to find repentance one day provided he prays hard enough.
My daughter attended with Ben and had a great time but everyone on my side of the family understood why I wasn't there.
This is about respecting one's integrity and preserving peace of mind. If you cave in to people you feel bad about your lack of courage and if you come as you please your patience for intolerant idiots is tested. In other words, It’s lose-lose no matter what and others I checked with agreed.
David's wedding (for my sister's eldest) in August will be a different story.
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