Obstacles

I've explained before how removing all obstacles to cross gender expression especially for dysphoric people can increase their dysphoria. When you are in any way constrained you at least have guard rails providing some safety. So whereas they may be seen as impediments they can actually be helpful in providing life structure.

I have no such obstacles today which obliged me to be very introspective about what I need versus what I thought I wanted. In other words, I studied myself carefully over the years and determined what would help my dysphoria without going beyond a point I might later regret.

I am 61 and might have taken a different path if I were much younger today. I have done the cost benefit analysis and determined that social transition was best for me but you might have a different response should your guard rails be suddenly removed.

Perhaps you might even thank your lucky stars you have them.

In transit

The young blind woman makes her way almost expertly among the bustling crowd of subway commuters cane busily prodding for obstacles. Since very young I have been in sheer admiration of people like this and it reminds me that I have no problems to speak of.

My reflex is to ask if she needs assistance which clearly she does not. "Leave her be" I tell myself and move past her.

Project 2025

Project 2025 has all the earmarks of an authoritarian's wet dream. Meant in part to help Trump in a potential next term seek vengeance on his political enemies, it should shock any reasonable American who reads it to their core.

Not only does it want to destroy the non-partisan government structure that keeps the country running (the deep state for them which includes the DOJ and FBI), but it wants to come after LGBTQ people and any other perceived enemies of the fascist class. That this is an openly known and published plan shows how bad things have gotten in a country whose democratic principles now hang by a mere thread.

By now most thinking Americans know that they were never immune to the fascist ideas which took hold in Western Europe in the early 20th century and, should the odious and imbecilic Trump and his twisted minions gain access to the White House again, they must know it's game over for the great "American Experiment".

One of the reasons

One of the reasons I feel we are living in more confusing times regarding gender expression and identity has to do with the traditionally puritanical views of the West. So while for the longest time some people would have wanted to have much more freedom on the expression side, society frowned so dramatically that it forced shame and guilt on them. Ray the detransitioner, as young as he is, felt social stigma and preferred to identify as "trans" to the point of transitioning rather than be happy being seen as a gender non-conforming male. It took him 8 years of HRT and full time living to come to that realization.

Ray is not alone and I have now seen quite a number of related narratives from detransitioners.

What we used to call transsexualism occurs in smaller proportions compared to the overall gender variant population and it is a subset of people whose dysphoria is so virulent and persistent that it must be treated with medical transition. I can acknowledge this without being a strict transmedicalist.

So in essence we are now living with the result of not loosening the reins on gender expression (especially for natal males) where people feel more inclined to be safe identifying as "trans" than simply admitting that cross gender expression forms part of their personality and desires; something which gender dysphoria need not be a prerequisite for.

My point is that we call ourselves whatever we like but, in the end and much more importantly, do what works for us without fear of reprisal.

Ashes

Republicans aren't losing because there is something wrong with the structure of their party or their ability to sell their message. They are losing because the country disagrees with their extremist views which is only going to get worse as the demographic who votes Democratic only increases.

On the major issues of abortion and gun control the GOP position goes against national polling but since their party is a conglomeration of extremist groups there is nothing they can do except try to discourage minorities and young people from voting through gerrymandering.

Yes, authoritarianism appeals to Bible thumping Evangelicals and other extremists within their base, but you can't help but wonder how they didn't see that hard line views don't win elections and that they should soften their stance to keep moderates and independents. But that ship has sailed now and it's a matter of time before the current version of the party becomes irrelevant.

Who knows, maybe out of the ashes some moderates and independents can form a saner version of a conservative party without the election-denying batshit crazy conspiracy theorists they have been banking on for a while now.

"Trans"

The term "trans" has become both a little tiresome and also laden with every possible incarnation of gender variance. So much so, that there is infighting among gender variant people themselves in online debates I have seen. This is why in my writing I am simplifying things and sticking to dysphoric and non-dysphoric gender variance as baseline terminology.

It's gotten so comical that the behaviour of some people is termed by others to be "trans" when they themselves do not term it thusly.

In the end terminology is only useful if it carries meaning towards an outcome. But if anything all we are seeing are highly customized lifestyles and choices made as unique as the individuals themselves which is fine. Don't get me wrong in that I am in full agreement with leaving people alone, I just think we need to be more specific so we can help gender dysphoric youth to find their way forward and get the assistance they need all the while not treading on the rights of anyone to lead the lifestyle they want or need.

Of course this environment is perfect for gender criticals who grab hold of a bearded non-binary person in a dress and scream sheer lunacy. The general public who is generally obtuse about basic terminology never mind the science (as are many gender variant people themselves) can be led by the nose by these criticals who want nothing better than to quash all of it and gleefully go back to 1850.

So while I have absolutely no qualms with someone who calls themselves a "sissy" and regresses back to childhood being left to live their best life, we need to be just a little more careful with blanket definitions if we are to get to the root of an issue.

I always bring things down to the goal: that we make the gender variant person lead as happy and fruitful a life as possible; one which is as free of prejudice as we can make it. However that being said, I am just not sure this current confusing environment is particularly conducive towards that goal. Maybe in the near future we will be.

As priority, let's focus on no more suicides and reducing the amount of people who feel they have erred post-transition.

Kayne

 

Irreparable

That we are headed for a massive societal reset is beyond questions as all the signs are there. Desperation and poverty on massive scales and the top 1% controlling an obscenely disproportionate share of the wealth. It's a ticking time bomb.

If we repeat errors over the millennia it is because we are hopelessly irreparable and doomed to never learn from history.

Community

In the not too distant past, people who medically transitioned wanted to disappear into the general community while those who did not sometimes congregated into support groups. For example, Casa Susanna was one such place where married heterosexual men of the 1950's could practice their need for cross gender expression.

The point is that we all need moral support and to find commonality with others. Without the embracing by those I have come out to over the years plus of course my children, I would not be as comfortable as I am today.

Towards that end, I think that all gender variant people would benefit from finding acceptance within the greater community rather than solely immersing themselves within the gender variant one. In other words, while having like minded souls as friends is wonderful, I have found it much more rewarding to over the years meld into the world as myself. When I was hiding who I was, it didn't feel as good and made me more apt to question my identity.

Not only does using this approach keep you more immune to groupthink (we are not clones of each other), but it opens up a much larger window to the world by doing outreach through the mere fact of existing.

To be othered

The case of Bubba Copeland and Ray the detransitioner (both recent post topics) speak to me about the shame some people have regarding their particular shade of gender variance. One transitioned because he did not want the world to see him as, in his words, "just a crossdresser" while the other was deadly afraid of its judgement in being outed as one to the point of suicide.

The world is full of toxic people and hypocrisy to spare, but to act in ways which impact our sense of self worth is what joins these two stories together for me. No one wants to be "othered" and fearing the repercussions of that we proceed in ways which are against our self interest.

What we see on the surface of people's lives are only the tip of an iceberg and those quickest to judge others are often those most perturbed with their own personal situations. It's just basic psychology.

The best defense is thus to send them packing and live honestly and proudly in the open and do what is best for us.

It's 2023 for Pete's sake.

Bravo!!

Bravo to this editorial published in the Alabama Political Reporter admonishing the types of disgusting people who pile on those like Bubba Copeland for being different.....

"Bubba Copeland should be alive today.

That he’s not, should be a sign to everyone, and especially to Alabama lawmakers and leaders, of just how fragile life can be. It should be the clearest example yet of just how vulnerable some people who live among us truly are.

It should cause all of us to pause, to bite back the crude comments, to think twice about the public condemnations, to find kinder, better ways to treat each other – even those whose behavior we find “strange” or “weird.”

You’re probably aware by now of Copeland and his tragic end. He was the mayor of Smiths Station – a tiny town near Auburn – who was outted as a crossdresser last week by the conservative website 1819 News.

But saying 1819 “outted” him doesn’t really do justice to what happened to Copeland. Because in addition to the story about his Reddit posts, in which he took on a female persona, there were bunches of other stories, including stories of condemnation. There was one featuring radio talkshow personalities Rick and Bubba explaining why Copeland should feel shame. Other conservative commentators piled on as well, defending 1819 for doxing Copeland and exposing his online life.

All of that is in addition to the regular folks around Smiths Station, and in the Copeland family’s circle, who offered their thoughts and criticisms.

Under the weight of it, Copeland took a gun and ended his life.

He was 49. He had a wife who was apparently aware of, and participated with, his online crossdressing. He leaves behind three kids, and judging by social media posts, they loved their father deeply.

There seems to be some confusion over the tragic, horrific last few days of Copeland’s life.

It’s possible that some people are being purposefully obtuse to avoid admitting the obvious, but there is an argument floating around out there that Copeland had no right to keep his secret, online crossdressing life a private matter between him and his wife. That because Copeland was an elected official, exposing his lifestyle, as 1819 did, was proper journalism. That his congregation had a right to know.

There is a word for this: Bullsh*t.

That reasoning only makes sense if you inject your personal religious beliefs. Without them – without the self-righteousness to determine what is or isn’t sinful – what are you actually left with in this ordeal?

It’s this: Bubba Copeland liked to dress up like a woman and write weird fiction.

Who are you to judge him for that? I mean, if the man was spending city tax dollars on new outfits or using city resources to facilitate his private life, OK. That’s a real problem. That’s a problem that should be exposed.

But we don’t know of any such problems. And the rumors that keep popping up of “other stuff” that’s about to come out … well, you should have led with that if it’s out there, instead of heaping buckets of condemnation on a man for a victimless alternate lifestyle that you happen to find icky.

But, boy, we’re good at that around here, aren’t we?

From trying to remove LGBTQ+ books from libraries to essentially banning transgender kids from existence to forcing children to have children, the state of Alabama, under conservative rule, has cornered the market on religious governance.

Just as the Founders absolutely did not intend.

I hate to break this to you, but in this country where religious freedom has kept us from constant civil war, the fact that your Christian beliefs find crossdressing abhorrent or a book about gay teens unacceptable is utterly irrelevant. Or, at least, it should be.

Yet, we continue to push these distorted Christian beliefs as actual policy and law. And in the process, we have fostered an environment in which a man who has apparently committed no crimes or harmed anyone is shamed into ending his own life.

It’s the same end we’re bringing to transgender teens and other at-risk kids who we’ve ostracized and marginalized, who we’ve removed from sports teams and banned from receiving approved medical care and who we’ve told that books that simply portray their lives accurately are too perverted for libraries. 

There is no telling how many Bubba Copelands there are out there – kids and adults who have been crushed by the hateful, ill-informed, religious-based environment fostered by this sort of ignorance and intolerance. People who have been used as pawns by politicians to spread ignorance and fear.

Until now, it was easy to separate the policies and actions from the environment they created, from the intolerance and hate they generated throughout communities around this state.

Maybe Bubba Copeland’s death will change that"