In retrospect that retirement party feels almost surreal. Even five years ago I wouldn't have dared to come out in front of so many who knew me years ago. In front of strangers would have been completely different and I have plenty of those experiences behind me.
People of my generation had to develop many dysphoria coping mechanisms and for me outings needed to suffice because there were no other options. So I settled for increasing the bravery and the frequency particularly once my marriage was over.
It's like the training wheels come off and you test what being yourself really means which wasn't obvious before. Was the person I had been brought up to be the real me and Joanna the mask or vice versa?
That can take a very long time to answer and it's almost a saving grace to have obstacles slowing you down.
In the end for me authenticity meant transparency which was the biggest hurdle to overcome. Living any kind of secret life was doing a disservice to my psyche and my many coming out discussions only bolstered the idea that I was absolutely right to trust.
For I am one person and not two.
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