No one cares

Sometimes I am fortunate enough to be walking at some distance behind another transgender person and take special note not of them but of the surrounding people's reactions. This during peak lunchtime traffic downtown.

Guess what. No one gives a rat's ass.

High and dry

Loneliness has today taken on epidemic proportions. Before we at least had set rules we could count on and even the most awkward of citizenry could be aided by a network which included church, extended family and friends. The landscape now laid bare of guidelines, we have little to cling to. Not to mention that hypergamy has left the cupboard bare for those who don't measure up to the standard of the most genetically gifted.

It becomes all the more paramount then to rely on the self but then there are also many worthy couples out there who aren't meeting thanks to a dearth of healthy options. The online and social media fiasco has left a trail of failure that tempts less and less to even bother. People now seem to want cafeteria style try out menus that they can readily escape from instead of real commitment.

With age we gain wisdom and the ability to detect what is right for us plus past wounds also warn us about falling back into traps where we will be cut yet again. So I cannot think of an obvious solution for this epidemic only that I do see young GenZ men as being the most likely to be left high and dry; a demographic which is also the perfect target for alt-right aspirations. 

Violins

We give ourselves our own value. This means that anything outside of our own space which demeans us is worthless information. Transgender people have a long and troublesome history of being "othered" and becoming supplicant to the whims of a society that is far more screwed up than they are.

I am highly educated, have an above average IQ and am a kind and decent person (unless, God help you, you step on my toes). That is more than good enough because we are all more than good enough.

It is why apologetic narratives by transgender people make me weary and the "mea culpa" tune after a while becomes a droning of tiresome violins. We straighten our spine, we don't whine and we understand who we are and if someone doesn't like it we dust off our feet and move on.

We can start by putting down that violin.

Consistency

I used to be certain that indulging cross gender expression would worsen my gender dysphoria which is why I would refrain for long periods at a time until the pressure built. That this is not healthy became obvious over time and I learned that it was making me more stable if I came to terms and that I was feeding into a necessary part of my essence and identity.

Knowing what I know now, those who cannot or will not transition and are dysphoric are best served by finding ways to reduce anxiety and depression by celebrating this part of themselves as much as they are able within the context of their lived experience. We know from Harry Benjamin's work that dysphoria is graded and many of us also know that it can go through cycles of dormancy and then sudden explosion.

By flattening out those peaks and valleys we find a balance point and establish a consistent and reliable pattern. If transition is not possible or even desired then at least we have established predictable harmony which both the mind and the body tend to crave.

Echoes

I saw the man reading the "12 Rules For Life" book by Jordan Peterson and couldn't help but interject. My lack of filter at 60 may be there but it is also coupled with a deft sense of decorum that allows me to skate past appearing abrasively intrusive.

I am no fan of Peterson and explained why but he was more focused on his advice as clinical psychologist to lost young men which I couldn't argue with. Invariably I ended up going down the rabbit hole of Peterson's penchant to weigh in on every topic as if he were expert and to constantly attack social progress. Peterson also thinks all social ills are repaired through personal responsibility which cannot be true if we have any kind of social conscience.

I don't mind it when people don't agree with me and at 37 this young man was well read and told me where we diverged which was great because it opened up an avenue for reflection for me. I can be stubborn and seeing his avenue was interesting even if he didn't change my mind. Besides I talk about echo chambers a lot and don't want to inhabit one of my own.

He was a lovely person to boot.

By age 7

The following is an excerpt from Cedars-Sinai of June 2020 which explains that, on average, gender dysphoria tends to manifest by age 7 which was certainly the case for me. Diagnosed only at 45:

"Gender dysphoria manifests early in childhood and can persist for years before patients undergo counseling and treatment, a Cedars-Sinai study has found. The findings also reveal that untreated gender dysphoria can result in poor quality of life for transgender people, beginning in childhood and lasting throughout adolescence and adulthood.

Gender dysphoria refers to the strong discomfort or distress often caused by a discrepancy between a person's gender identity and their biological sex assigned at birth, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition. Gender dysphoria worsens as those experiencing it grapple with expected social gender roles and sex characteristics that do not align with, or reflect, their internal sense of gender identity.

Federal and state population studies from 2016 estimate that 1.4 million to 1.65 million U.S. adults – or 0.6%-0.7% of the U.S. population – identify as transgender, according to the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law.

The Cedars-Sinai study, published recently in JAMA Network Open, a journal of the American Medical Association, was led by urologist Maurice Garcia, MD, director of the Cedars-Sinai Transgender Surgery and Health Program. The study included 155 transgender women – those who identify as women but whose sex assigned at birth was male – and 55 transgender men – those who identify as men but whose sex assigned at birth was female. All of the participants were adult patients seeking gender-affirming surgery.

The study findings revealed that 73% of the transgender women and 78% of the transgender men first experienced gender dysphoria by age 7"

Deserved

My system normally operates at very high intensity and I am presently working on slowing it down. For over 33 years I worked in a challenging profession full of deadlines and we had to be fast on our feet. That adrenaline is no longer required but old habits die hard. Plus I had to train myself to tolerate bouts of gender dysphoria which felt at times crippling.

Sometimes I marvel at how we humans can multitask and even delude ourselves so we can continue to function. At a certain point, however, the slowdown becomes not only beneficial to us but mandatory. Suddenly the perspective which comes with lived experience demands that we tend to ourselves properly because we deserve it.

Boundary

After a while we get very comfortable. People greet and approach us on the street with our desired pronouns, we stop feeling self aware and we settle into ourselves. If this way of living isn't for you, this is the point when you will know it because truly there is no more novelty to be had.

I don't easily recommend that people push their limits a bit because that can often lead to discord in their personal lives, but in truth this is the only way to know. A slow and gradual push into new territory will provide us with the answer as to where that boundary line resides in managing our dysphoria which least perturbs our lives but also does the job. This in my view is better than a sudden jolt into unknown waters particularly for older transgender people who have far more accumulated baggage to deal with.

Another clarification

I know I've explained this before but here it is again. The reason that Ray Blanchard wanted to downplay early childhood narratives of longing to be the other sex by his patients, is that they didn't work well if he was to prove that sexual dysfunction was the cause of their dysphoria.

However, if we place dysphoria as the source of the arousal, then things start to make sense. The child experiences frustration around the reality of their situation and upon entering puberty their longing takes on sexual overtones which Julia Serano simply calls "female embodiment fantasies".

This is usually calmed and/or resolved upon entering an HRT regimen.

Again, there are people who enjoy cross gender expression specifically for the payoff of arousal and I am not refering to them (some even gladly identify as AGP although I am hard pressed to comprehend why when we can simply use the term fetish). I am only speaking here on how early childhood gender dysphoria can be tinged with and overlap with the formation of sexuality starting at puberty.

By the way, the reason I am talking about Blanchard again recently is that he has been making appearances on some rather unsavory channels with (you guessed it) obvious agendas.

Will wonders never cease (insert eye roll).

The Place Beyond the Pines

"The Place Beyond the Pines" is split into two halves. Ryan Gosling who plays Luke is the protagonist first followed by Bradley Cooper who plays Avery in the second act.

Luke is a troubled man who wants to support a son he didn't know he had by robbing banks and he is eventually caught by police officer Avery who ends up killing him. The approach of the film is highly original and inventive.

There are the usual themes here regarding fatherhood, manhood, justice, guilt and honesty and how life presents us with challenges which haunt us later depending on how we deal with them.

There are no clear heroes here but more people who are doing the best they can under difficult circumstances. In life, who we think we can trust isn't always obvious and sometimes doing the right thing doesn't bring the reward we expect.

Recommended.

Heathaze