Voice Sample

This is what I sound like these days (albeit a bit raspy here). I want to encourage you not to give up as I am a natural baritone if I speak from the chest...

Closed

What has happened in San Francisco is maybe extreme but I think most of North American big cities are experiencing this. High cost of rent, hybrid work schedules and more online shopping is doing a number on downtowns. Malls are also on their way out...

Rocks

Those who had hoped that society was becoming increasingly enlightened overall saw their hopes dashed with Trumpism. We learned that a permanent portion of the population has the intellect of a bag of rocks and that this is unchangeable.

Progress happens when a majority of the population adjusts to a new normal. So whereas there are still idiots in 2024 who think homosexuality is catching, we know that the majority does not. The same thing will eventually happen with transgender people.

Therefore our job is to be decent role models and show people that we are as dignified and intelligent as the next person and that,  because of everything we have experienced, we have much empathy for the down trodden.

In hiding

The problem I have with hiding is that it encourages the idea that we are doing something wrong. Whatever guilt, shame and fear exist are left to fester no matter how small they may be.

Those who are happy with playful and sporadic gender variance in safe spaces might think they have little to gain by coming out but even they will feel the benefits of today's more open environment. For dysphoric people it should be a no brainer to live openly if we want to fortify both self-esteem and mental health. If it were easy to do I would done it decades ago and looking back I regret I didn't despite remembering the societal climate.

Having just passed the day of visibility I look back at the tiny steps I first took over 20 years ago which then felt so difficult but I needed to start somewhere. Each successive step I took to come out to someone lowered the fear almost exponentially.

I also feel that not coming out can discourage that our gender variance matures along with every other aspect of our lives.

Resting point

Cleanup work for an older transgender person is about reconciling past with present. Forward movement happens which runs counter to everything we were taught very early in life and with each step comes a need to close a mental gap with that instruction.

Because I have always been so obstinate my journey has been slower than many but I think more sure-footed. Each new level had to be tested thoroughly to see if it fit within the natural boundaries I was living with. The only goal was to seek stability.

Today I more than ever recommend the idea of avoiding a label and simply pressing forward by testing where we need to be. The label will come once we have come to the resting point which most benefits our psyche.

Pepper Boy

 

Do it again

 

You stop yourself short

The way to know you're over what people think and that you are approaching a balance point is that you want to slap some of them but you stop yourself short:)

Others you want to hug.

Permutations

When Jack Molay and I were speaking recently I asked him if he had ever worn female clothing and he admitted he hadn't. We are within one year of one another in age and yet something I had begun doing by age 4, he had never attempted.

I am now less surprised that he coined the term "Crossdreaming" which is about the concept of identifying with the opposite sex. Finding more affinity with Supergirl than Superman is the reason he wanted to explore what that meant and where it's root might lie. I always wanted much the same understanding..

The last short article I wrote for Crossdreamers (which Jack had recently very kindly translated into Spanish) ended with the conclusion that transgender people exist simply because it is possible that we do. The ingredients are all there and when mixed in the right proportion of childhood experience and biological predisposition, we are the net result.

How those feelings are manifested are also different which is why there are permutations for the kind of outlets and solutions we settle on.

I would be very shocked if it were otherwise.

Circumstances

People don't change only circumstances do. When we change the variables we will see predictable responses based on what drives us which is love and fear.

We are going through major turbulence at the moment and that is resulting in fear. The reactionary tone of much of the online content proves it as those most concerned that we are headed in the wrong direction ring the alarm on YouTube.

The problem is that much of the analysis is flawed and driven by panic. It's those who were most invested in how things were before that are the most frightened. These same types of people were around at the turn of the 20th century when great societal and technological advancement threatened their way of life. For example, God forbid women be allowed to vote.

It's a predictable formula which we are now witnessing first hand ourselves. What a surprise.

Bottomless barrel

There is an interesting subgroup within the gender variant community that ostensibly says "I am all man but I love to dress as a woman". They don't adopt an alternate name or make any attempts to alter their voice. They simply enjoy the expression and seem to almost derive joy from outing themselves. They might be among the last people to seek hormonal or surgical changes

This is yet another subtype which can confuse the general public and from which some transgender people seek their distance. But the reality is that the mix of expression and identity can be extremely varied which is why I stick to the broad category of gender variance as a descriptor for all its forms.

So while the other end of the gradient is mired in arguing over what constitutes womanhood, these individuals just want to be accepted on their own terms. But here we can hit on the roadblock that sex and gender have been made so sacrosanct that we are being forced to pick up all gender variance under one tent whose inhabitants are then free to argue amongst themselves and made easy pickings for gender criticals.

If more people on this planet were intelligent and secure we wouldn't have so much drama over something so benign but if I've learned anything in my life it's that human stupidity is almost a bottomless barrel.