You better you bet

 

Another error

Another error transphobes make is to ascribe choice to transgender people who more than happily would have chosen not to be born that way. After all, why suffer when you don't need to? 

The problem is that the world of gender variance includes choice and no-choice which today are blurred. 

I can speak for myself in saying that I wouldn't have minded being spared the suffering while knowing that without it I wouldn't be nearly as strong mentally.

Pared down

What brings us satisfaction as we age becomes pared down. At least I know this happened to me. We've done many things by now and some have lost their luster. It's one of the reasons traveling appeals to me less than when I was younger. I am in no rush to do it unless the timing is right. 

We don't become boring but instead more acutely aware of what brings us value. To borrow an analogy, we don't chase empty calories but instead desire sustenance which nourishes us. 

We may even have already chased the wrong goals and came to dead ends.

In a sense my life is stripped down to essentials where you take care of the self more than I ever dared to before. 

I have more time than ever to paint the toenails and more.

More than a feeling

Arthur Brooks says happiness is not a feeling and he is right. It is instead the creation of conditions that promote health, peace and stability. The feelings go up and down but the harmony is there surrounding us because of those conditions. 

The longest study on happiness ever conducted found that health and human connections were the only things that contributed to happiness. The income, once beyond the basic necessities plus a little extra for leisure, had no significant impact towards increasing it. 

We all live inside our heads and because of it are our own worst enemies but eventually with life experience we learn what is truly important and what should be jettisoned as flotsam. We also hopefully learn to think for ourselves. 

As I have aged my perspective has improved and am aware of when my occasional negative moods are derailing me. Those aren't a measure of unhappiness but a reflection of the ease by which our own psyches are prone to hitting little speed bumps.

There is probably no more dangerous affliction in humanity than being self aware. It can be beneficial but at the same time invariably make us suffer its darker side.

Moral panic

Transphobes are stuck on the "usurping womanhood" argument because it is by far their best line of attack. By using the scare tactic of usurping and replacing biological females they more firmly emphasize their moral panic and sell it to the public. 

The problem for them is that the majority of transgender people are well versed in biology and all the argumentation around it. They don't for a moment argue against it much to the chagrin of criticals.

If transphobes drop the usurping argument they are left with simply allowing transgender people to exist in peace which is a non-starter. Therefore, they can't ditch the line of attack of replacement theory sparked by social contagion. 

I can only come to two possible conclusions here: a deep level of stupidity or willful malice.

Pick one.

Unification

After a while I could no longer stomach living as two halves of a whole. The male social facade and the dysphoria management outlet were not sufficiently enmeshed and it became increasingly like Chinese water torture to allow it to continue. 

Uniting the masculine and feminine animas (to borrow terminology from Jung) was the therapy I needed; that and coming out fully which has been one of the great decisions of my life. 

Beginning with the pandemic, I was shown that the old formula wasn't working but was instead a patch up job meant to satisfy everyone but myself. 

However that unification isn't a simple one because you now need to determine who this fully integrated person is. How daily life is lived and expressed suddenly becomes a new psychological exercise which gets you to a new baseline. This last bit of unification is what I have been calling my cleanup and that being at the end of the process is simply called who you truly are. 

No other terms are required.

Hard life

 

Guarded

I stopped trusting people when I was quite young. I began to see cruelty early and took note of it. People were quick to insult and as a shy kid I didn't take to it well. 

Over many years I learned to toughen up and used intellect to be dismissive of the type of people I identified as potential boors and bullies. It worked but it was a defense strategy which required much energy and never letting your guard down. I couldn't be vulnerable and allow myself to be discovered as someone with a secret I held since early childhood. 

After a while this becomes exhausting. I had first born syndrome which meant I had to perform and be a role model that my parents could find favor in. Thus my gender dysphoria could never be divulged lest they reject me. 

I had repressed anger issues for years and dealt with them by being a creative musician and artist being plus putting energy into career and children who have both turned out to be admirable human beings. 

Now it is time to let the shield down and allow things to be so much easier. I still know better than to trust prople fully but I am learning how to do it with the right ones while I protect my authenticity.

Individual gain

 

Millions just like her

Trumpism is a movement which helps the stupid and evil feel better about themselves. You have a mean idiot as your leader who personifies your worst instincts and validates them. No wonder he is popular with them. 

An older white woman recently walks her dog in a quiet US suburb when a homeowner politely asked if the animal had done their business on her lawn. The woman was so insulted that she threatened to call ICE on a family that turned out to be native American and whose ancestry went much further back than the flustered dog owner. 

She had seen the skin color and thought what a great idea for revenge when Trump is conveniently her president.

A young neighbor walking by had witnessed all and used choice language to chastise the woman who eventually gave up but not before having called ICE and perhaps gotten entangled with an automated message. 

There are millions just like her with not enough therapists to go around.

Leaving the past

Everyone has things to deal with from their past. We learned much from our parents but their attachment style and issues they themselves carried risked being transferred to us via osmosis. Freeing ourselves from our lived history becomes an part of the full awakening of who we are as individuals. 

I have analyzed my past and understand the parenting I received. In so doing I let go of any frustrations regarding mistakes they may have made. My parents loved me but were human and flawed like everyone else. 

Once we let go of history we relax into the present. We judge others less because we learn to be kinder with ourselves. We drop the need for performance and perfection and slowly but surely become the best version of who we are.