Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Sexual power

Some detransitioners make video content talking about AGP. There isn't always a conclusion about it only that they want to question it and the issue of arousal altogether. The key is about whether the arousal is a symptom of a desire or whether the arousal causes them to transition. Might some people transition for sexual reasons and later regret it? Almost undoubtedly and Ray Williams is certain it was the case for him.

I sometimes chime in saying that Blanchard's renaming of transvestic fetishism didn't accomplish anything other than create an illness he could then sell while the motivations of his patients remained considerably more complex. 

It's easier to second guess yourself when your transition didn't work for you. Something which led you to hormones and in some cases surgery you now regret, is put under the microscope and examined in a whole new light even if youth has a much saner and less repressed view of sexuality that Blanchard himself did not grow up with.

However, the statistics point to mostly successful transitions which contradicts the idea of illness driving them. That they don't work for everyone shouldn't surprise. Cross gender arousal most certainly exists and I have come to the conclusion over the years that it is multi-faceted. Yes it is steeped in desire to be female but also about having the wrong fuel in one's system. In addition it cannot be denied that sexual power lies primarily within females in society. Hence feminine energy takes on a powerful aura that cannot be denied and one which masculine energy lacks. 

I wasn't a sexual creature at age 4 at least not consciously and yet my identity has never left me. I pushed forward in spite of sometimes experiencing arousal which is now largely gone while the identification never did. If anything it is stronger than it has ever been. 

If occasional arousal was primarily pushing me towards medical transition, I would have already done so years ago.

Mess

The world is a mess but then it's always been. The difference is that everyone has a platform now and we can all the good and the bad in all its glory. What used to lie dormant is now front row center. 

I have been using YouTube as a lab experiment even if it doesn't truly represent society perfectly. What it does show is that you can find what you want and need in society but you should be wary of cults, movements and group think. You should think for yourself because anyone can start a channel, say anything they want and establish even a small following. 

You can find anything in the world which is why the onus is on you to find your own way in it. We take in information, we examine it and then come to some consensus in our mind only to then revisit it at some point down the line. We are ever changing and evolving which is the product of growth as we learn more about ourselves and our surroundings. 

I have never more appreciated the value of being a free thinker.

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

No matter the winner

When one reads the comments on partisan sites the level of vitriol against both Trump and Harris shows that, no matter who wins, a large swath of the country will be angry. The divide will not be repaired because this election strikes at the heart of a nation in existential crisis. 

It's easy to laugh at MAGA morons but not everyone voting for Trump is an idiot (even if the odds lean in that direction). If she wins, Harris will have her work cut out for her with a sizeable chunk of the population cheering on any misteps and hoping she fails.

So much for country over party.


False equivalence

Every human is equal but that does not mean that their experiences are. The only reason I make distinctions between people is when there is suffering involved and they need help to alleviate it. 

The well-meaning tendency of some to put on the same footing the experiences of all gender variant people is something I resist because it can set up a false equivalence. For example, someone who dresses up once a month and leads an otherwise balanced life does not have the same challenge as someone who struggles with what to do about their gender dysphoria. 

This push for a narrative of false equivalence is why youth are specifically vulnerable today. Some in their exploration into identity are overstepping a boundary into a transition process they later regret only to show up on gender critical podcasts to invalidate the experiences of all transgender people. 

If our aim is to have everyone lead balanced and peaceful lives we need to be careful and help people make distinctions for themselves as to what is desire for freedom of expression versus solving a disconnect of identity which questions birth sex. 

My generation resisted transition in part because society and its non-acceptance was the safety valve helping us to make sure we were not erring. Today our open environment has removed many guardrails and as much as I love the freedom it brings to all, it sets some people up for regret which unfortunately can affect many others.

This will take a few years to sort out but it will likely never be perfect because real life never is.

Monday, October 7, 2024

A stand up person

Kimberly Beregrove had a tough dilemma. She is deeply religious but also transsexual. She has struggled mightily over the last few years to keep her family together while reconciling her faith to her primordial need to lead an honest life. She has tried to make sense of why she was made this way and how it contradicts with what many Christians erroneously believe is a concious choice. 

Her YouTube story resonated with me because I used to be her in that fervent Catholicism helped to block my vision. I moved on from orthodoxy but she has not instead preferring to find an answer within the scriptures even as she plows ahead with transition she feels she has no choice but to undertake. If her wife and children are still there it is no doubt that it is in large part because she is a stand up person.



Behind the presentation

The idea of "passing" is now irrelevant because it reflects increasingly the world of the past. What I see every day are people presenting more than ever as their authentic selves and they aren't hiding which makes the entire concept unnecessary. Besides I would be tempted to then ask: passing as who?

Today, the reaction of the public to gender variance is ostensibly to ignore it. They've seen it before and now they look past it to see the person behind the presentation. Hence they are much more likely to ask you who you are instead of why you present the way you do. This is particularly true for GenZ and younger.

It's 2024 and not 1994. Get out there and live your life.

A glimpse from the outside

Every once in a while we get a glimpse of what we look like to others. Not in the physical sense but more in behaviour which can then spur reflection on what we may be doing right or wrong. Everyone lives within a filter and sometimes it's nice to get even a small view from the outside. 

I've thought about my life more than ever since I retired and I can recognize patterns I fell into. They may have served me well during the busy years of career and child rearing but they then become things to repair after I stepped off the merry-go-round. There was a forced aggressiveness that I no longer need but am happy I can count on when required. 

Living more authentically has also lessened the need for over-compensation to avoid discovery which relaxes you greatly. That in turn encourages reflection on whether reflexive responses were really me or instead part of the mask worn for the world. 

This current life suits me more than I had anticipated which is why the character I once presented is being analyzed a bit. I know I am happier because I feel it and the amount of smiles I receive is a reflection of the energy I am putting out into the world.

Relaxing into my feminine energy has made my overall presentation much more authentic I think because it no longer needs to be compartmentalized. It just organically lives and breathes as I needs to without being forced.

I had breakfast with Louise yesterday and she told me that I looked like a happy woman and one day I will tell her specifically why.

the perfect analogy

 Recognize the clown?....

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Ignoring what idiots think

What a lovely person...


Riding the buses

I ride buses and the metro every day and I love it. It is calming and I invariably meet people along the way. By the time I get home for lunch I have walked 8 to 10 kms and I often wing it never being quite sure before I leave the house where I will end up.

That mixture of routine and flexibility works perfectly for me but it is paramount that I wear shoes that don't hurt my feet ;)



A long way from normal

This coming US election is more than anything a referendum on human intelligence. It shouldn't even be close because of the danger represented by Trump and yet it is. 

The Harris/Walz team represents trying to fix an existing but hurting democratic system wheras the GOP is about an overhaul forged by the autocratic instincts of fear-ridden right wingers. A transformative cultural change that cannot be stopped is what they want to nip in the bud and force the country back at least 40 years. 

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't be happening but we are a long way from normal in this age of echo chambers and low critical thinking.

Go do that

After starting to write again in 2023 it looks like I'm done here. There's been massive change since I first began blogging with my ...