Subset

I have surmised that most of my readership (what is left of it) is similar to me in some fashion. This means that they have reflected more than once on transition and cannot or are in process of reflecting on what to do about their situation. This also means that they are likely gender dysphoric and have known for a very long time (likely since childhood) that they were different. They take this topic seriously because it touches upon core identity.

If this is you, you represent a subset of the gender variant world who has grappled with this all your life. The younger you are, the less social stigma has affected you although coming out in this environment is still no picnic.

I write for myself and for you as we reflect on how to proceed with life in a way that respects commitments we have made to others while finding and respecting some semblance of authenticity. It's never been a better time for us but it comes with more confusion and options than ever which also makes the process more fraught with uncertainty.

Work on the self

Work on the self must be constant and always in the direction of harmony and balance. The idea is that even as the world around us conspires to derail, we keep the boat as steady as possible.

Neuroplasticity works in our favor here and we can look back and not recognize the person we once were. In that sense the version of me who began blogging in 2012 no longer exists because I am calmer and more sure footed than I was then. As transgender people, that introspection becomes almost mandatory if we are to make sense of our place in the world and find peace within its often nonsensical structure.

Le plateau

 

20/20

My children are GenZ and are far less likely to do what is socially expected simply because society has relaxed its norms. Hence the type of panic that set in when we weren't married by a certain age is almost certainly not going to occur for them. This lack of obligation is also going to benefit gender variant people who can wait for the right train.

As one of the last of the boomers I certainly felt the pressure that a clock was ticking and perhaps more so as I was escaping something I was convinced I had a handle on. I had told myself that marriage was certainly going to help in that department which of course it didn't.

From where I sit today I prefer the freedom to viscerally choose what is right for us and, as much as I love my children to bits, I would have benefitted from exploring who I was without the impetus to do what everyone else did.

That I have zero regrets has much to do with my belief that we do the best we can with the information and knowledge of self at the time. So while hindsight might approach 20/20, we would not be the individual we are today having taken a different path.

Universality

Sure enough as I expected, I caught someone else buying into Blanchard without them absorbing the entire picture properly.

Once again it hinges on the misconception that by naming a phenomenon you have suddenly solved its meaning when it does no such thing. The card up the sleeve was that by proposing AGP, Blanchard was then able to opine that all transitions by gynephilic-leaning gender dysphorics were rooted in pathology rather than in essential sense of identity.

That some people feel compelled to transition because of their arousal isn't in doubt and some detransitioners have admitted as much, however to say that everyone does is where the whole thing falls apart.

I have explained many times that since gender dysphoria likely has, at least in part, genetic roots, it is more likely than not to manifest itself in childhood. It is only during the sexual awaking at puberty, that the desire to be female can become tinged with sexual overtones. This is in contrast to those whose gender variance and therefore arousal patterns typically begin in post-pubescence.

Blanchard needed universality to try and give his theory credibility, thus accusing his patients of lying about early cross gender identification became his modus operandi and ultimately why his work is largely rejected today by clinicians who know their subject matter.

Meaning

Purpose and meaning are what we desire and if we lose them we become rudderless. We chase meaning through career, through helping others, through spirituality, through our parenting and perhaps through connections with friends and family. However, currently we are in a more difficult global environment which has touched upon all of those aforementioned sources of purpose in adverse ways.

As society has become more splintered and less reliant on community spirit we are seeing less satisfaction drawn from these traditional pillars. We could blame technology and to be sure social media has done more harm than good in contributing towards the detriment of overall wellness of society. Knowing too much about others has perhaps led to disillusionment and I quickly grew tired of its insipid superficiality and left it behind.

That I cannot put my finger entirely on the malaise, I nevertheless feel it hinges greatly on the fact that when lives were slower due to our technological limitations, we seemed somehow to be more content. I know that by adopting a more minimalist approach in retirement it has brought me more relief. Having no car, getting rid of excess clothing and clutter is acting like a mental cleanser.

We need a collective sigh and a pause.

Wonders for the psyche

I'm a fairly feminine creature or so I've been told and yet one of the things which helped me most was fusing my masculine and feminine energies together. In other words, rather than use Joanna as a sporadic outlet for femininity as I did starting from a very young age, I needed to fuse both energies into one person in order to complete my journey.

The result has been soothing and harmonious and has also reduced the need and desire to overdress and overthink. As I am the same person every day, it tones everything down as it's no longer a rare outing. So even as I appreciate that not everyone can do this, it has done wonders for my psyche and life balance as I am one being and not two (happy being just one:))

Thus transition is what you make it.

Loop

If Trump weren't as vicious and raucous, he wouldn't be leading the pack like he is. In other words, being the shit disturber is precisely the point for those who love his style. It doesn't matter that he is dishonest or vile, as he is the monkey wrench that they gleefully want to see thrown into the system.

It's been a fascinating experiment to witness human nature over the last seven years. This divisive character continues to generate so much discourse and monopolizes the American airwaves like nothing I have ever witnessed. I think it is because he exposes the cracks and gives false hope to those who see the system is broken but cannot analyze why. That his rally audience isn't generally recognized as brilliant, does not mean it doesn't smell when something is rotten with the way things are run.

False messiahs are part of human history and they always have a downfall and, while this one will be no different, you sigh and wonder why this needs to constantly happen in a loop.

The repentant

A detransitioner is more likely to see their cross gender feelings as pathology and sure enough my brief overlaps with some of them online confirm it.

I think what is happening is that having overshot the response they required and then regretting, brings them to a place where everything is questioned and why they can more easily become prime fodder for right wingers and gender criticals.

These detransitioners are more likely to fall for the AGP pseudoscience which sells the idea that all transitions are pathology. However, that theirs brought them to the wrong place does not mean that the same will be true for all others.

Again I go back to the fundamentals of understanding the self and not buying into any blanket narratives or mantras and by how following this approach we are much less likely to err.

Humbled

What is left now besides completing adjusting to retirement is to disarm myself of frustration at a world replete with boundless stupidity and injustice. As we grow into ourselves and realize that so much of our suffering happened while we were under the thumb of complete dimwits, we cannot help but feel indignant.

People can be deeply disappointing and yet there are such jewels out there among the masses who have helped me beyond measure and keep me hopeful. As a fiercely independent critical thinker who sees the world for what it is and keeps her distance from herd mentality, I still want to be less indignant.

My journey has given me strength and when you remove the weight of repression from your body you suddenly feel much stronger. However you need to avoid beating others over the head with your new found energy. Thank God that almost every day I see something which deeply humbles me.

Resistance

Is some form of transition almost inevitable for people born gender dysphoric to maintain wellness and balance? Right now I am tempted to say yes as I consider myself an excellent test case for the futility of persistent and dogged resistance.

Living otherwise now would seem impossible and yet I did it for so long only with its corresponding consequences. Yes, people lived how they had to in the past but that does not mean it was easy. You lived with the inconguence and kept quiet. It's like not taking medication and simply tolerating bouts of depression.

It's only when you begin to treat dysphoria seriously that you wonder how you were ever able to do otherwise.

Plain Jane everyday :)