Say it ain't so

Here, Rebecca Watson explains why scientists should stick to their own field of expertise.

Well worth the watch. Bravo Rebecca!

Imposter

All trans people suffer bouts of imposter syndrome at any given time in their lives. I now know more people than ever who are not aware of my history and sometimes I will still doubt myself about whether I should say something. It's almost like an urge that dissipates just as quickly as it comes.

I say to myself all the time that my gender presentation changes nothing and still, that little trepidation can happen on occasion. I have read that I am far from being the only one. We will doubt our voice, our mannerisms or the width of our shoulders and wonder if we have been discovered. Even if I have stopped worrying about those aspects, it seems to be an unavoidable part of being trans.

I don't think that will ever entirely go away but may perhaps dwindle down to such a frequency that it becomes just another tiny irritant of life.

Yesterday I came upon a video on FFS by happenstance and all the testimonials had been about how the procedure had made such a drastic improvement in the lives of the patients. These transwomen could now live with much less trepidation and fear. The scrutiny and the stares had been reduced in some cases to zero.

They finally blended.

Guarded

Being an established coffeeholic I have been a patron of various Montreal coffee houses over the years which has seen me meet a variety of people. Many are fascinating and when we try to open ourselves up a bit they will reveal little portraits of who they are.

As somewhat of an introvert it hasn't come naturally to me and yet it has ultimately proven to be positive. The more we lower our own defenses the more others feel safe in doing the same. The carapace we use for self protection can be lowered and we are rewarded with the warmth that many people possess but are often leary of showing until they feel a degree of safety in doing so.

I have always been impressed by gregarious people who can be themselves and envied their ability to make you feel at ease. They are always the first to lower their guard and demonstrate that they mean no harm by inviting us to trust them a little with gestures as simple as a warm smile.

As someone who learned early in life to be mistrustful and careful about divulging too much information, it has been beneficial to my psyche to let people in more. Maybe with age we just don't care anymore about what people think.

There is always a little risk but the reward is ultimately worth the effort.

Wtf??

 

Jordy

If you read my old blog then you know I have no love for Jordan Peterson. He is exactly my age and the antithesis of what I aim for in life. In other words, he personifies the worst instincts of the tail end of the baby boomer generation.

There is nothing more distasteful to me than haughty pseudo-intellectual posturing aimed primarily at disparaging others. So he will spend his time on Twitter shooting at what he and his fellow Daily Wire alarmists call the decay of society. All this because we are making cultural progress which does not suit him or them.

If you recall, his fame dates back to his refusal to address a young transwoman student at the University of Toronto with the correct pronouns and only grew from there. After, he became father figure to young men who seemed confused by the societal protocols of the modern era and he wrote a book with 12 rules which ostensibly told them to take personal responsibility by making their own beds. The problem is that Peterson only believes in personal responsibility with social justice a thing for losers who he kicks to the curb with dismissive and often irritating lack of decorum.

It would have been acceptable for him to remain guru for these young men but his new found fame bolstered his bravery and made him believe he had sufficient expertise in every other area. Not that his fanboys on the right would notice, but his skin deep knowledge of other subjects offers plenty of amusement and as a fellow Canadian I feel shame that he holds so much sway. On trans issues, for example, he is beyond pathetic but then he just needs to feed the uneducated on the right their dose of what they want to hear to keep them happy. Here ignorance is bliss.

Anyway, next time he cries, someone please hand him a hanky.

Truth

I think that in life we should aim to be truth tellers much more than being embraced as doing the popular thing. After all popularity often means bowing to the crowd or watering your messaging down to please as many people as possible. Since it is impossible to please everyone, we must strive to please ourselves first and hopefully that message aligns with truth.

In our professional lives, for example, it can be tempting to skew ourselves towards what management wants rather than what is right and moral. Over my career I have faced scenarios where putting my signature on a document would have pleased a client in the short term but ultimately prove detrimental down the line for the project. In the end I kept my self respect and became known in my industry as a straight shooting professional who stuck to their guns.

We cannot bend truth because it is not infinitely elastic and it will ultimately ricochet in our faces in a moment of reckoning.

What I have learned in my life is that truth rises to the top like a good oil floats on water. It cannot be escaped and no amount of agitation will prevent its journey to the surface. I left my industry when I felt sales were becoming more important than truth and doing things right. 

I did so with perfect timing.

Vaush

Ian kochinski (better known as Vaush) is an American GenZ YouTuber with a large following. I first came upon his videos quite by happenstance and was duly impressed by his intellect showcased through his debating of right wing true believers. Using a combination of critical thinking and an impressive knowledge base for someone who is only 30, he would handily dismantle his often much older opponents. IQ points are clearly not among his shortcomings.

One of the many redeeming qualities of Vaush has been his fierce defense of trans people and he is so well read on the subject matter that he surprises for someone not so personally vested in the subject matter.

My 25 year old daughter and her boyfriend also watch him and I can't help but feel buoyed by the support coming from this young demographic.

Kudos to you Ian.

Internalized

When I first began writing in 2012 I had severe internalized transphobia. I was particularly put off by transsexuals when clearly in retrospect I fit the mold. I had tried very hard to distance myself from them.

It turns out that internalized transphobia isn't eliminated overnight but rather subsides over a long period if we do our introspective homework. Our trans instincts are there from earliest memory but the messaging we receive so counteracts them that we bury them as much as possible. I did that in spades for decades but it wasn't easy.

Over subsequent years I met some people who dressed and were able to comfortably put things away for weeks if not months at a time. Early childhood forays into their mother's closet had not formed part of their lived history and they seemed to be more about the euphoria of the outing whereas I had been trying to frantically beat my dysphoria into a bloody pulp. That was more proof for me that I resided on a slightly different place on the gender identity spectrum.

As we begin to settle more and more into ourselves something happens to calm the storm and we begin to relax. The process is long but each step brings you a little closer to authenticity. The further away from self acceptance you are at the start, the longer it will take.

My 86 year old mother said to me the other day "but you are still the same person"

It was all I needed to hear.

Bill

Bill Maher used to be entertaining until he became the old man sitting on his porch complaining about woke culture. Hence the left has abandoned him and accuses him of moving to the right. An accusation I happen to agree with.

Maher moans and groans and used to say that trans equality was a "boutique issue". He recently sat and interviewed Elon Musk and fawned all over him because he likely identified with Musk's own crucifixion at the altar of American progressive orthodoxy. But the problem is that Maher has not moved on and has been left behind by millenials and genZs who do not relate to his grumpy grandpa aesthetic.

As one of the last boomers even I can no longer stomach him and can attest that he has hardened his stance in parallel with the American right wing becoming increasingly radicalized. He may not want to sit alongside them but his own transformation has left him stranded and only favored by disgruntled centrists who despise political correctness.

Too bad.

Compromise

It is only once we stop caring about what others think that we become truly free. My generation,  and certainly those before, lived under the thumb of oppressive conformity which meant there was little room for originality.

I remember laughing as I watched a YouTube video of 1920's America where every single head was covered in a hat and all passerbys in front of the camera were sartorial copies of each other. Repeat that exercise today and the divergence in style would be considerably more evident. Such is the progress we have made in allowing people to be themselves.

Being born in the early 1960's meant that much of my life would still be lived under the pressure of conformity but one which increasingly loosened with the passing of each decade. I of course changed my mindset over my life and have learned to almost completely disregard what others think.

The occasional reflex reminds me that I am not yet perfectly where I want to be when I see some blessed free spirit go about their business in oblivious confidence. But nevertheless my style has never been about shock value and so I console myself with that while I quietly and patiently undo my programming.

One decision I am greatly thankful for is my switch to a backpack purse which, after my daily morning routine, is decidedly a massive back saver. No compromise involved there.

Laugh

In the absence of laughter life would be immeasurably worse. The highs would be a little duller and the lows made darker and devoid of perspective.

Corinne is wearing a red clown nose when she walks into the cafe because she is a free spirit. Slender and maybe a young 40, she gives off a childlike exuberance that is infectious. Not everyone is made to tow the line of convention and this elementary school teacher definitely dances to her own beat. She shares details with me about a man she likes in her clown school class and I gleefully listen. I think she sees me as the older lady who has been through a few things in life.

We don't get guarantees but finding a chance to smile and find the humor in situations that normally don't invite it would be beneficial to our psyches. As someone who is learning that lesson later in life I can say that it markedly improves the disposition.

On a change of subject, I have recently found a color I really favor. I would call it eggplant :)