Buy Now

"Buy Now: the shopping conspiracy" will depress you but not surprise you. Rampant consumerism is ruining the planet. Corporations wanted people to keep buying and even built redundancy into products such that we were forced to buy new ones. 

Now things are catching up with us and the waste we have generated is going to slowly kill us. Plastics and toxic chemicals are being released into the environment at rates we cannot manage. As a result nations are forcing corporations to change their ways. 

Some  people are hanging on to their electronics and are even repairing them because companies are starting to facilitate this. We no longer have a choice.

We can also do some really novel and simply consume less. 

On Netflix 

"You're disgusting!"

 

Oopsie

So much for principles, morals and a backbone. So shocking!. 

Of course what he says here is correct...

Bad faith

If you argue in bad faith and you don't know what you are talking about, you have lost my respect. A person who is open minded and willing to have their mind changed is what I look for. They are also fine with being wrong when their viewpoint no longer holds up.

Bad faith actors already have foregone conclusions and work backwards to find supporting evidence which is the way the Blanchard people, to use an example, always have worked. Their iron clad concrete proof falls suspect under basic critical thinking. 

Once I deem you come at something with bad faith there is no point discussing with you.

Eccentricity or not

The last time I saw him was maybe 2 months ago on the metro and then suddenly there he was on a busy avenue. Maybe 30 years old; an ill-fitting wig, no attempt to shave or wear makeup, he donned a woman's exercise top and pants as well as house slippers and purse over the shoulder while he was busy in conversation with himself. Morning passerbys did not even notice or care as they have bigger things to worry about.

It's also 2024.

Today, gender variant people come in all flavors but one thing which to note here is the quiet confidence involved. Yes, there is eccentricity to spare but somehow people respect someone going about their business rather than looking afraid which some could see as invitation to ridicule. This young man could not care less who might be watching him.

People like this should make us a little less fearful to be who we are and make things much less of a production number in our heads. 

Eccentricity is optional.

Endurance

Half of America is despondent about the election results. It's like the air was let out of their balloon after the expected turn of the page on the toxicity of Trumpism did not materialize. All of a sudden they needed to rethink how their psychology would endure yet another 4 years of incompetence, idiocy and antics that will test their belief in what they thought people were capable of. 

I am much less surprised than I used to be which does not mean I am not disappointed. People who gorged on MAGA kool-aid and believe that this administration will cure what ails them are in for a rude wakeup call. Trump hasn't even been sworn in and the circus of stupidity has already begun. 

That America was prepared to elect an imbecile who is also a felon should surprise us less if we understand both history and human psychology. There is a significant portion of society that believes in saviors while another faction uses their tenure to line their own pockets. 

The intelligent and well-intentioned aren't listened to especially in an era that openly feasts on ignorance and wears lack of expertise as a badge of honor..

Being held captive by a handful of swing states, the votes of a great deal of Americans do not matter at all. The hope of bypassing the electoral college system to one where the electors choose the president based on popular vote results, does not yet have enough states signed on. 

It will be an uphill battle to get to 270 since the current system suits the minority currently controlling the country very well indeed. They are busy taking the country backwards.

Sunlight

In the thread I featured from Reddit dealing with definitions and umbrellas, one of the people said that they didn't transition for fun. Their decision involved none of that since having gender dysphoria isn't about pleasure. It is about resolving a crisis of identity. 

For older people without dysphoria, their pain usually came in the form of fear of rejection from the public, friends and family about something they would like to do which was based on temporary expression. Once they had satiated the desire, they would go back to a regular life. This way of living, which for decades was mandatory for many, is disappearing 

I am fascinated by seeing how today youth is converting all forms of gender variance into more public and permanent displays. Young males who play openly with gender won't hide anything away in a closet, basement or attic because there is no longer need for covert cosplay. Young transgender people also face their challenges of identity much earlier in life and take concrete steps towards dealing with their dysphoria. 

Everything today is more exposed to the sunlight and decisions made before people lose themselves down rabbit holes which make it almost impossible to find their way back to authenticity.

Sometimes...

 

No one cared

Just minutes ago I was waiting for my bus and across the street (which was bustling) came walking a person who was some flavor of gender variant. I would estimate early 40's.

They had long lack hair with a shock of red. They wore a leather jacket, skirt, black leggings and boots and there was not a single doubt that they were born male. 

They walked confidently and went about their business. 

No one cared.

Better late

There is a time for everything in life and I wish I had absorbed that lesson sooner. Knowing what I know today and were I still young I would medically transition but that does not mean I regret my actions because my children are my pride and joy. 

I could have waited and disconnected myself from societal obligation but my generation didn't do that. We followed orders like members of a cult thinking that the prescribed formula worked equally well for everyone. 

It didn't. 

Today I know myself, how the world functions and how irrelevant its opinions are which isn't too late. It is simply better late than never.

Sarah

Sarah was an aerospace technician before running a YouTube channel full-time for several years now. She loves to work on cars. 

As I was watching, my transgender radar began to go off even if she looks the perfect picture of archetypal female. Somewhere in her thirties and standing almost 6 ft (something she confesses), she is lean and well proportioned but it was something about her voice which would be perfectly fine for most people that made me wonder. Of course I could be wrong but I noticed that in one of her videos where she gets personal, she mentions not wanting to get to deep into who she is. 

If she did transition it was very early and she seems to have a perfect balance between masculine and feminine energy. Yes, she is attractive but not a caricature of womanhood by any means. She is herself. 

Sarah loves cars and why wouldn't she.

The bigots in charge

It's going to be a long 4 years and so I hope your tolerance for hateful imbeciles is high...

The Karate Kid

 

Genius has a limit

Sarah McBride will be sworn in this January for her new role as a member of Congress and of course Nancy Mace is making bathroom use an issue because it's a red meat issue for the cult. The country has big issues to fix but none bigger than where Sarah pees. 

CNN covered the story and the comment section was full of the usual knuckle-draggers.

"We don't want biological men in women's spaces!" On the automatic presumption that Sarah isn't just there for a bodily function, wash her hands and leave. They would rather she use the men's room because she might be a predator. 

Transgender women all over America currently use women's washrooms and many completely fall under the radar although sometimes more masculine looking biological women are accused of being men and are harassed. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.

I always go back to the same Einstein quote "the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"

Thread

If you want to understand why I increasingly moved towards the main criterias of 1) primary motivation and 2) gender dysphoria presence and its intensity, look no further than the Reddit thread below (which was considerably longer). Apparently, granular definitions depend on who you talk to.

Fundamentally you want to target a peaceful and distress-free life. After that call yourself what you like. I stick to the term gender variance as being at the top of the tree to cover all expression and identity outside societal norm which increasingly sits on a bed of sand.

THREAD

Q: Why are crossdressers under the trans umbrella?

So I'm cishet and I saw crossdressers as a part of the trans umbrella, why? 

I thought to be under the umbrella your gender doesn't match your biological sex, but that doesn't hold up with all crossdressers. 

If a cis man puts on a dress but still wants to be called a man then his gender matches his biological sex. 

I'm not too well-versed on this type of stuff which is why I'm asking.

A: It's mostly a history thing when people inside and outside the community lumped all gender nonconforming people together with trans people. Personally I consider cross dressers welcome and accepted allies in trans spaces, but not under the trans umbrella

A: I will say that also that being a crossdresser can eventually lead you to the conclusion that you’re trans. That’s how my egg cracked 

A: I don’t think cross dressers generally are considered to be under the trans umbrella. If a cis person cross dresses that doesn’t make them any flavor of trans unless their gender actually differs from their assigned gender at birth.

A: Crossdressers are not considered trans. Historically the term transgender was a broader term for anyone who was gender nonconforming, including crossdressers and nonbinary people, while the term transsexual was used for binary trans people who physically transitioned. That changed over the years and transgender was used only for people who identify as another gender than what they were assigned. Meaning transgender now includes nonbinary and binary trans people, but not cis crossdressers or gender nonconforming people and transsexual is considered an outdated term now.

A: Long ago trans activist here. 

Once upon a time, we considered CDs to be “transgender, but cissexual”. When we lost transsexual as a word, we lost cissexual as well. Honestly I don’t miss TS much but I do miss CS, especially as it let us distinguish between cisgender and cissexual privilege. 

I transitioned in those days and still consider crossdressers/GNC people to be tg if they want the identity.

A: Cis crossdressers aren’t trans. They may be welcome in some of the same communities, but they absolutely aren’t trans. 

The same as cis drag artists. They aren’t trans. It’s a costume, a performance, they take it all off at the end of their session. It’s a different persona they put on for fun. 

My transition was because it was medically necessary. Being trans doesn’t tend to be a fun thing that people pick up as a hobby.

Etc....

Why still write?

After a certain period of time has passed, I pause and ask myself the same question: Why do I still write? 

I suppose it's because I enjoy it and the unfairness of the world gets under my skin. Pointing it out sometimes helps me process it and disarm the indignation.

Originally I wanted to resolve my internal conflict and demystify the subject of gender variance by trying to get to its roots and its various motivations; the most important of which by far is gender dysphoria. I wanted to separate fact from fiction without falling victim to any mythology and I feel certain I have achieved that to the best of my ability. 

Today I am living the way I was always meant to with only some small remaining cleanup left. I have never felt better in my own skin or more like myself. There is no more identity angst driving the impetus to write thoughts down and this clearer vision enables me to get the roots of issues better.

I don't see myself entirely stopping and the ups and downs of traffic are unimportant (I have experienced wild swings over the years). These are my private thoughts and would write them down regardless. Sharing them might strike a chord in someone and that is enough of a reason for doing so. 

Living alone for a number of years has been instrumental in finally getting to the core of who I am. I am 100% convinced that everyone needs that period of solitude as prerequisite to discovering their authenticity and what actions must be taken to honor it.

If I have in some small way helped you discover something about yourself then I am glad.

Required viewing

Whose fault was it?? here is your answer from a passionate Steve Shives....

97 year old prediction

This is clear proof that there have always been people among us who have clearly understood human psychology as well as the cycles of history...

Be ready for either

If you flinch in public you are cooked. People can tell I'm happy and will smile and ask me for directions. Recently an older disabled Chinese lady asked for my help after telling me the handicap lift was not working. I was so glad to be able to do so and she was so grateful.

Conversely, with the wrong types I am ready to turn nasty in a heartbeat. Your body language and demeanor speak for you.

I am ready for either scenario but above all, I first aim to be kind.

A little luxury

One of the most luxurious places in Montreal to drink coffee is called Crew Café. Set inside the cavernous lobby of a 19th century bank building, it has become a frequently visited spot for locals and tourists alike as it resides on the lip of the old city in a district which used to be the financial nerve center of the country on la rue St Jacques. Call it Canada's former Wall Street if you like. 

I don't come often but this morning the crowd was duly sparse.

Did I ever mention that I love my city?  Oui je l'adore ;)

The way of water

One of my eternal sins is overthinking. Everything is analyzed and combed over so I can properly understand which can make you lose feeling. One of my earliest conflicts was the how to avoid giving in too easily to instinct before having properly understood this subject. 

Of course the answer was that the comprehension process happens in parallel to feeling and accepting your core essence. One does not follow the other. As a young child I felt something I was taught to reject and I needed to find my way back except now with more the mind of someone trained in the sciences.

After accounting for individual dysphoria levels, people who I deemed too easily fell into acceptance were in equal parts irritating and admirable and I eventually learned to find my own perspective which always kept a certain degree of objectivity and skepticism. As a result I gravitated more towards thought-provoking, analytical and introspective blogs. There are so many types of people in the world with their myriad of viewpoints, that I wanted to keep more of a bird's eye view and looked for obvious archetypal patterns in the process. 

This last cleanup phase has been about marrying the analytical with the emotional and finding a balance point the way that water eventually does after it is perturbed.

It works very well for me.

What my children will learn

Follow the logic chain. The GOP obsesses on transgender people and uses them in their onslaught of scare tactics. After the election loss some Democrats blame the election loss on, among other things, transgender people when they didn't mention them at all during the campaign. This includes pundits like Bill Maher who is having a great deal of trouble keeping up with societal progress. 

People aren't clever.

I tell my son that as he gets older one of his main disappointments will be how much of his life was spent worrying about what people think after he realizes that so many don't think at all.

Top 5 myths

 

Emergency

Two Montréal city counselors want to make the homeless problem an emergency. I agree with them because like all large North American cities this has become an epidemic. It's easy to say that all these people don't want to work and wash our hands of it, but the reality is that the sheer number is a sign of the times. 

Not only am I asked for change very frequently but there are people wandering the streets incoherently talking to themselves in numbers that are at a peak for my lifespan thus far. We have hit a point where the errors of our ways have come back to haunt us. 

Globalization certainly didn't help and since we were too clever by half, we decided that everyone would benefit by having the richer nations rape the planet with equal opportunity as strategy. Business owners lined their pockets and those of their shareholders by manufacturing abroad leaving the rest of society  to fend for themselves. In America the sins were particularly severe since the safety net barely exists. 

Now those same serfs have voted for a party that wants to strip even more "entitlements" away while singing the praises of a trickle down economic theory that was dispelled a charlatanism decades ago. 

Some people forgot to warn us that many people are greedy and we will yet again get a reminder.

Constant adaptation

"Tu est une bonne fille" says Sylvie over coffee lauding me for visiting my 88 year old mother every Saturday morning. She still knows nothing of my gender history. 

I did end up telling Caroline and Maika (she has a transgender brother) who both work at the farmer's market cafe I frequent and with whom I have become good friends. They were amazingly supportive. I didn't need to do it but I wanted to because it felt cathartic to share it. Once again I can say I have lost no one of value.

A journey like this is constantly morphing and you adapt often thinking you have firmly stopped at a plateau only to, yet again, be proven wrong.

95% of it is mental.

       New cafe on the plateau Mont Royal

        Owner is from Marseille and lovely.

It will not go well

I was watching more fallout from the election in the form of people losing friendships and relationships over their votes for Trump. Many liberals found that the person they thought they knew did something against them by voting for someone of low moral character, divisive nature and history of degrading minorities and women. 

We are living in a very strange timeline and this wasn't your average election. It was almost a referendum on what type of person you are; your values and sense of decency and judgement were being weighed and many people cannot get past it. 

I know it will be a very challenging 4 years and many mistakes will be made by virtue of the even more mentally erratic Trump being surrounded only by sycophants. Whether the damage to the country is irreparable will remain to be seen, but I am also of the opinion that some relationships will not be reformed because the vote of those they thought they knew touched a nerve deep in what constituted their core value system. It wasn't about a status quo political option but, for many people, about what kind of person you are. 

As I have aged I find it increasingly common to be able to identify people who aren't well-informed and yet extremely opinionated because we live in an age that has encouraged it. The results over the next 4 years will likely not be positive for the things you  should want to uphold and cherish in a society. Radical conservatism wrapped in authoritarian leanings isn't about diversity and inclusion. It is about holding some people back and suppressing rights of some people, often already marginalized, that we do not like. 

In that sense, it will not go well.

Care of the self

One of the biggest takeaways from my life thus far is that we are the only ones who can properly look after our needs. No sibling, no friend or spouse can do the job of protecting and preserving our psyches and elevating our sense of well being like we can. 

If we tend to be a problem solver we can leave our own needs behind and people will let us do it. They can't help it as they have their own needs and if your strength helps them they will accept the help. But we can forget ourselves in the process if we are not careful. 

Today I look after my own needs better than I ever have and it has contributed to my own sense of balance and harmony.

After the Ordeal

 

Man yells at clouds

Bill Maher can't help himself because he is entering his "old man yells at clouds" phase of life. On his latest show he blames the election loss on his usual "boutique" issues of transgender people and makes fun of "queers for Palestine". 

The loss was really about educated and wealthy elites leaving the working class behind which helps explain why large urban population centers vote blue while more rural areas vote red. It's become largely college-educated versus non, but Maher would prefer to strawman because he can't keep up and transgender people confuse him. 

Biden tried to do what he could despite being constrained by a hostile congress but in the echo chamber age it's much harder to get through to people.

Instead of focusing on the core issue of economics and being left behind which many Trump voters felt, he chooses something which most people don't care about. They worry much more about the cost of food, housing and other expenses plus feeling looked down upon culturally not whether trans athletes are taking over women sports. Not that it wasn't fed to them ad nauseum as red meat by perennially hateful right-wingers as distraction.

I used to be able to watch Maher, but now, his smugness runneth over.

Permanent vs temporary

Temporary and permanent gender variance can be quite different. Some people enjoy escaping the pressures of their life, the social obligations of their gender and feast in occasional cross gender expression. This contrasts against forms where the expression is permanent. 

The young man I saw on public transit with the pink hair and earrings was expressing himself outside what used to be conventional gender norms. His expression is permanent and he is not playing a temporary role and he is being authentic. He is also, from what I gathered, completely comfortable with his male identity. 

It took me a while to make that switch in my head as I had been raised to drown out authenticity from a young age. Therefore as a result of life decisions I made plus my pervasive societal programming I was forced into temporary not knowing how well a more permanent situation would suit me. 

The interesting thing is that people living with temporary expression are split between those who are obliged and constrained via life circumstances and those who choose and prefer the episodic despite the potential to go further.

Once again, a mosaic.

Winners and losers

The crux of the problem....

Leopards ate my face

"I never thought that leopards would eat MY face" say some of the people who voted for the Leopards Eat Your Face Party. 

Since MAGA is largely a movement based on hate and grievance against the "other" many thought it was nice to have a leader dislike the same people they did. Let's strawman transgender people, immigrants and any other minorities we don't like but now I am starting to see some reservations with those same voters regarding potential cuts to the department of education, rollbacks or outright eliminating the ACA, introduction of tariffs etc. 

Suddenly it is their face in danger and that wasn't supposed to happen. Some Latino men even voted for Trump thinking they would be safe because the gate was closing behind them. They might be in for some wakeup calls. 

I ask myself rhetorically why people are like this knowing full well what the answer is.

How terminology falls apart

Consider that when the term "crossdressing" was still in vogue, society was considerably more binary than it is today. What I see now is more a sea of various states of ambiguity, androgyny and mixing than ever before. Certainly there are hardly any items of clothing or accessories that are considered sacrosanct and exclusive to either sex. Look back to the 1950's as point of reference as reality check of our progress. 

Also consider that as women over time began to slowly push sartorial boundaries, it wasn't described with any particular term.

Under today's social norms the term "crossdressing" becomes almost meaningless unless you are trying to hark back to a world of decades past and its stereotypes who practiced it almost as a lifestyle with its customs, secrecy and little idiosyncrasies; something youth is less likely to adopt because they live far more openly.

Small wonder that language evolves and even then largely fails to accurately capture the complexities of humans.

No criticism to speak of, but simply observation. Maybe, if you don't have dysphoria, stop labeling yourself with a term.

The price of not being alone

Content on relationship power dynamics between men and women is plentiful on YouTube. What to do and not to do is laid out in great detail by numerous creators who purport to know the answer to the riddle of what each sex wants in an era when pairings are at their most fragile. 

This is easily the most complex thing a person can enter into particularly today when people are on tender hooks looking for the first sign that they can parachute out. 

By the time we are over 5 years into any couple scenario we have built a communication style and flow based on the temperaments and the character of each person plus the flaws of each are clearly on the table. We learn to accommodate and adjust based on recognized patterns some which help and others make life more difficult. It comes with the price of not being alone. 

In my early 60's I understand all too well the stakes involved and the fundamental drivers of people, but I would be no better guaranteed a successful outcome if I ignored signs I now recognize much earlier on. 

I wish I could think of an ideal model I could point to people as inspiration. But, alas, I know not of any.

I just know of humans doing their best.

Emilia Perez

That Emilia Perez is an unusual film is an understatement. A genre-defying Mexican drama-musical about the gender confirmation surgery desires of a cartel criminal with intense gender dysphoria, you might think it shouldn't work and yet it does. 

Zoe Saldana plays Rita the lawyer charged with the obligatory task of helping the underground figure attain her goals. In fact she isn't given a choice under the penalty of her own death. Emilia, the surgical candidate, is played by Spanish transgender actress Karla Sofia Gascon who has a wife played by Selena Gomez confused about what is going on and is kept in the dark. There are also two young children involved. 

Emilia fakes her own death to complete the process and has her wife think she died. I shall reveal nothing else but it gets increasingly complex from there.

On Netflix in Spanish with English subtitles and highly recommended.

Moral panic!

This proves how such a small issue explodes. David Pakman keeps his composure here and fares well facing well-established and insufferable idiots like Morgan and Rubin...

 

Skeptic

Right from the start I have always approached the topic of gender variance as a natural skeptic. I was trained to think critically first by my father, then by the Jesuits and then by my education in physics and engineering. This had me question everything despite my own early history telling me to trust my instincts.

I read everything I could get my hands on including toxic theories which I felt compelled to analyze to make sure I didn't ignore anything which might have validity. 

My old blog right from the outset was full of questioning and agonizing because as someone born in the early 1960's I hadn't had the benefit of being allowed any authenticity and was taught to suppress it. I proceeded to find out whether I was deluded, perverted or mentally ill which thankfully proved to be blind alleys.

In the process I changed my mind about many aspects and got to the roots of what constitutes motivation in people which turns out is quite varied. I have also reconstituted many loose threads which had been left exposed through ignoring them via a busy life and have finally sown them back into my full personhood. 

Skepticism is healthy and keeps us realistic and it is why I am not a bandwagon person. I always need to think for myself. Thus the aim of each person needs to be a balanced existence where their anxiety and distress are lessened and internal peace maximized which is how we know we are headed in the right direction.

Everything else is just flotsam.

The red cape

The real target of gender criticals are those who dare to usurp womanhood. They don't care as much about gender variant people who express themselves as they choose in public but once you talk about women's spaces and sports you have put the red cape before the bull. 

Decades ago transsexuals transitioned and disappeared into society and hence womanhood was necessary if you knew what was good for you. If you wanted to lead as close to a normal existence as possible, you didn't ever talk about your origins. People like Terri Noel (who began in female impersonation) married men post-transition who never knew their past. 

That young transgender woman whose video I featured recently is 9 years into transition and is not yet 30 and in this era the concept of stealth is almost impossible. She adopts the composite term describing her identity to make the distinction that her biology is different. But then biology doesn't determine how she feels (at least not her genitals) and she doesn't get hung up if people use biological arguments on her. They simply bounce off as irrelevant because she doesn't deny them.

What is particularly galling is that the percentage of people who fully medically transition are a small percentage of the people who express gender variance overall (which is already relatively small) making the moral panic around it very much about the idiocy of some humans who apparently have nothing better to target or worry about.

Attorney general?

I knew it was going to be a total clown show. Add this idiot to the FOX host as secretary of defense.

Minefield

Curbing gender variant behaviour is a thorny subject which becomes all the more so within the context of a relationship. I always go back to the essential question: what is the motivation for the cross gender expression? 

Some people dress for pleasure and can modify their behaviour to suit the balance required to stay married. Others who have varying degrees of dysphoria will have more difficulty navigating this issue. If they see this as a question of identity it will be more challenging for them. 

Quite a while back I came to the conclusion that an issue of core identity cannot be readily negotiated away nor should it because one of the partners will also be unhappy. The spouse is getting a lesser version of that person. 

I have met recreational dressers as well as transsexual people and no matter what, it is more often than not, a tricky issue.

Balance point

I find no glee in being unkind and I have been working on reducing my indignation at the obvious flaws of society while being far from a wilting flower. At the same time I have never been friendlier or more open with strangers.

Life has toughened me up and at 62 I don't have any fear while still maintaining a common sense approach to avoiding obvious danger. We cannot live in a state of constant alert in a world where some feel emboldened to be jerks.  

Sometimes I sit next to people on the metro who like to take up real estate and I will gently shove myself firmly into place. I am not aggressive but at the same time pass the message that they aren't more entitled because they are braver to claim territory. We need to be heard and seen because some smell weakness when they detect timidity.

Let's have a beer

I've been thinking about when being stupid became a point of pride and how it got melded with being folksy. Dubbya wasn't the sharpest tool but people wanted to have a beer with him because they found him approachable. 

Reagan was the first president whose unfitness and past as a mediocre actor made him a target and it only got worse from there. Imagine JFK or Nixon being mocked in that way until one remembers that despite their flaws these men were rather intelligent. With Clinton it was his sexual indiscretion and not his mental acuity. 

Trump is easily the stupidest of them all and yet the vote count would have you think otherwise until you remember the power of echo chambers and social media where people are emboldened to say the idiotic with absolute confidence. It's not objective truth that matters but instead our conviction towards "alternative facts" (to quote Kellyanne Conway). 

Pete Hesgeth is going to be secretary of defense and, in this golden age of idiocy, it only makes perfect sense.

Cue Elon Musk for the victory leap.

Now you must govern

When you have the presidency, the house and the senate, the politics of grievance will no longer do. Now you have it all and you must deliver and here is where the wheels will fall off the bus. 

This administration's agenda is largely toxic and will hurt a lot of people. Deportations will remove people likely currently helping the economy (California has already said hands off their workers) and tariffs will hurt pocketbooks already strained (no China doesn't pay them). When you factor in the incompetence you will see major gaffes which will most assuredly take the shine off the apple in relatively short order. 

Already there are people regretting their vote and Trump isn't even sworn in with some companies already laying off staff in anticipation of tariffs. When the average Joe doesn't see things improve, Trumpism will start to unravel and likely die off but not before doing some major damage. 

The legacy of the first Trump term was huge tax cut for the wealthy, increasing the national debt and the total bungling of a pandemic but hey who remembers that Trump suggested bleach or shining a light inside the body. What a rocket scientist.

But people are going to be people with all their wonderfully short attention spans. No wonder PT Barnum was successful; he understood humanity.

Crossdressing or trans woman?

Here is a take from a female lifestyle coach who works with both and captures the key distinctions but of course in many cases there can be considerable blurring. You know I am firmly on the record in saying that the term "crossdressing" is outdated but nevertheless...

More fallout

 

Inner child

Watching the Martha Stewart documentary on Netflix made me realize how pivotal our childhoods are. The first 10 years of life are particularly important and as we get to the cusp of puberty we have already been well indoctrinated into the requirements of our society. The more rigid the cultural and parental demands, the less wiggle room we have to find authenticity. 

Stewart had a demanding and critical father and at home there wasn't much affection. Hence she learned to be perfectionist because she had been identified by her father as the chosen one. When she eventually wanted to marry a Jewish man she was harshly struck across the face as in addition to a taskmaster he was a racist.

Martha Stewart comes off as cold and calculating and yet underneath you can see there is soft layer she dare not expose too freely. Her composure sometimes breaks and she looks down asking that we change the subject when the interview hits too close to home.

We are somehow always deep down that 10 year old child looking to be loved for exactly who we are.

The problem in a nutshell

40 years ago expression and identity were mostly kept separate. Transsexuals with intense dysphoria transitioned (especially if androphilic to start with) and straight and gay men had dressing clubs and drag balls respectively or they expressed themselves at home. 

Today we have mixed them together which includes dysphoric and non-dysphoric people alike. It seemed to work well for a while until a boundary was crossed (after the tipping point of 2015) when criticals said enough was enough. These people were from church groups, more radical forms of feminism and plain old haters. 

In an ideal world heresy against the binary wouldn't be so politicized but humans can't help themselves and women's suffrage under patriarchy made advancements by gender variant people particularly galling for some of them. It was much like the classic transsexual backlash against those who they deemed to be pretenders via their arguments for the legitimacy of transmedicalism. 

Of course things were never that simple and people who were themselves constrained by strict gender roles for decades by virtue of birth era stayed put. Some may have wanted to transition decades ago but critical life decisions made that all but impossible. 

Therefore under this new created tent came a new set of problems. Under the banner of 'trans', some current youth are having some trouble separating their freedom of expression with issues of identity and some experimented with transition and regretted (even if the percentage is low). Older gender variant people with little to no dysphoria who had felt constrained and shunned for years were also included as were a host of new identities with younger people calling themselves non-binary or gender non-conforming instead of using outdated terms. Some of this latter group don't question core identity very much but want to be freed from gender constraints.

Gender variance doesn't have the same exact motivations for everyone and you can see where I am going with this. 

The new expanded universe of transparency is fine because society is a mosaic but it has been causing problems for a public that is largely confused and uneducated in the topic. Most of them don't care and are slowly adapting but there is a percentage that will fight this tooth and nail as it puts their deeply held dogmas into question. Conservatives are the most apt to get their panties in a bunch over it.

I for one am glad for the transparency provided that we recognize the distinctions where help is needed which invariably comes down to the presence of gender dysphoria and how to deal with it without overshooting. At this point it is not elective but requires dealing with in some form or other. I would have been spared a lot of problems if I had the resources and knowledge I possess today and I want others to avoid the same experience.

Martha

"As one gets older, imperfection is something we can deal with" and with that line where she waxes philosophic, ends the Netflix documentary on Martha Stewart. Enigmatic, exacting and demanding, she created an empire which then collapsed after being accused and ultimately convicted of insider trading. This film focuses both on her humble origins and the way she ran things in her own inimitable style which not everyone liked. 

The takeaway here for me is how the way we are parented leaves significant and indelible imprint on who we are. We can embrace it or exorcise it but no matter which option is taken, there is no way to perfectly cleanse the palette of how our lives are forced to begin. 

If you didn't like her before, this documentary may not change your mind only that it will help you understand her a bit better. It will also show you that no amount of money or wealth changes those common human traits we all share.

Recommended.

Oops!

Some Trump voters who didn't think things through get surprises....

"Am I trans?"

The young man I saw this morning on the metro had pink hair and earrings and made no attempt to pretend he was anything but male. This type of gender variance I see very often with sometimes the painting of nails added for good measure. If you were to ask him if he was LGBTQ he would likely respond no and say he was just being himself. There might be no gender identity discord other than a desire for free expression. 

I watch videos sometimes where young people ask themselves the question "am I trans?" which I would follow up with the question "what does that definition mean to you?" Followed by "what goal are you hoping to achieve?"

Never mind the definition. What do you need to do to lead your best life?

Early

I saw Josey on the metro and she asked me "what are you doing up so early?". This was the first time we had spoken at any length other than a brief hello when crossing paths. She works at St Mary's and she is already in scrub pants and wears her mask while riding in transit. 

"I have ants in my pants and I need to get out of the house in the morning" I said in response to her surprise that I was retired and already on the move. She then said that her penchant for being a night owl would prevent her from doing the same.

It turns out that she is exactly my age and she tells me that along with her husband they are thinking of stopping soon. They are looking forward to it and she tells me I am lucky. I warn her that there is definitely an adjustment period. When she finds out I worked in engineering she understands why I stopped two years ago.

We wish each other a great day and I leave with a smile on my face for having had the interaction. These are the little parts of my day which bring me joy. 

I then walk into the Premiere Moisson cafe where Catherine greets me with a friendly "morning Joanne" she never gets the name right but I don't care.

Joanne it is.

He is right

 

Cured

Gender dysphoria isn't curable but it is treatable. After all, if you cured yourself you would no longer feel a pull towards gender variance of any kind and would be like everyone else. There would be no desire to be the other sex. 

I recently watched content from a young transsexual woman who said she grudgingly had to accept what she needed to do to get rid of the brain dissonance. It wasn't fun but instead necessary and she first sought other avenues. Some who go ahead with transition feel their dysphoria is still there but greatly diminished afterwards. This is what I have done with social transition which has greatly cleared my head.

This is a brain chemistry issue and not a physical one and I am now all but certain that one is born with it which is why so many know there is something up quite early in life.

The way you know you have it is that the dissonance can be ignored for a time or drowned out but it never completely goes away. It can just be muted to varying degrees of success.

What happened?

The results of the election were more of the same. For the most part it was University educated urban voters versus non-college rural. It wasn't exactly like that in every case but these groupings are too large to ignore. 

The average voter feels more abandoned particularly if they were left behind when the global economy was remade and their earning power stayed stagnant. They are mad and want revenge against the system that got them where they are. Trump was the ticket in 2016 and apparently also in 2024. That he isn't the answer is obvious because it is the core dogma of free market captiralism that needs fixing. 

Bernie Sanders has been waving the red flag for years and saying that the working class was being left behind. Considered too radical by the Democratic party hierarchy, his campaign was derailed in favor of Biden who did his best to ditch his neoliberal past. 

People who worried about the price of eggs and the cost of housing were less moved by women and minority rights and saving democracy. They didn't see the joy in an economy that they didn't benefit from since these people don't play stock markets. The rich kept getting richer while they stayed behind. The GOP also provided red meat in the form of cultural outrage in which they villanized immigrants and other target minorities like LGBTQ people and it worked.

Unfortunately the Republicans will make the mess they always do by pandering to the business class and the wealthy while chipping away at what they call entitlements which includes trying to kill Obamacare. 

A little Latino woman holding a Trump flag was having things explained to her by a young man to no avail and it just made me feel sad.

As we speak, the blue states are bracing for impact and preparing to resist.

Vesuvius

Scot free

Not only does Trump get away with his numerous crimes but the culture in the country becomes yet again more coarse and vulgar. A painfully stupid man, he appeals to the low brow in the common man who loves slogans on TV and thinks Trump is a successful business man. Men gave him the election.

John Roberts who had been looking for ways to save Trump from his own idiocy and criminal instincts, need not worry and can rest. This second term will be the most corrupt in the country's history followed closely by his first term. 

Back room deals will be made for the money he owes from his court cases and the country will need to await to exercise some sort of revenge at the midterms in two years. Musk and others will salivate at tariffs which will curb competition but ultimately cost the consumer more money when they buy a product. 

It's hard not to be disgusted.

Soon, Ukraine will be sitting at the negotiating table waiting to be carved up much to Putin's pleasure and increasing peril for the world.

Gloom

It's not going to be all gloom and doom for minorities during the Trump era but it will be much more difficult than now to be sure. Transgender people, already marginalized to begin with will undergo more scrutiny from MAGA yahoos who feel emboldened. There have already been reported incidents such as a young black woman being verbally assaulted by a white male in the throws of post-election bravado. 

The aim of this cabal is to reshape the cultural landscape and take it backwards. Steve Bannon who used to run the trash rag Breitbart has made no bones about it and anyone who lives openly in opposition to their desired goals runs the risk of being a target. 

That a huge chunk of the electorate voted against their own interest isn't mind boggling if one understands human nature and the right wing media machine helped it along. The question which then begs asking is how is democracy going to regain its footing after an election that just rejected it. 

It's true that the Democrats were still a bit tainted with corporatist and elitist stench but the Biden tried hard to combat Neoliberal instincts by being surprisingly progressive. Still, the message never got through. 

I read a comment by an 81 year old grandmother who warned her family to leave her alone after they expressed fear that their health care would be taken away. They had all voted Trump save for 2 of them. 

"You voted for him, now deal with it" she said.

Never a better time

It's disappointing when people spout off ignorant opinions but unfortunately nothing can be done about it. I have found in my life that a large percentage of people are both insufficiently curious and lacking in critical thinking skills. If you have the brain retention of a mosquito no wonder you are going to be susceptible to misinformation. 

People learn often through error. We burn ourselves by touching the hot stove rather than reflect it might be a good idea not to do so. 

It's never been a better time to be an ignoramus because having access to information gives some people the idea that what they espouse is correct. It doesn't matter that they got the information from their cousin's posting on Facebook. Rather than question the veracity they will simply spread the news.

A rogue's gallery

This second Trump term will begin to unravel almost from the outset. Now devoid of child handlers for the increasingly brain-fogged Trump you will see his cabal, whose instincts are not much better, fall into traps that horrify even the GOP members of the house and senate who held their nose and supported MAGA for fear of losing their jobs or receiving death threats from committed cultists.

The rogue's gallery is formidable: Stephen Miller, RFK, Musk, Carlson, Rogan, Bannon etc; all eccentric, hawkish, demented and damaged beyond repair. Those who thought an intelligent and well-seasoned prosecutor wasn't up to the task of running the country are about to get an eyeful of what right-wing dogmatic arch villains can do to it.

I won't enjoy watching it but I won't hesitate to say you had fair warning as my own country awaits its own imbecile leader likely next year. 

History has shown us repeatedly that authoritarian-leaning governments do not have good outcomes particularly for the common folk in the population and once again we are going to see it happen in real time.

Please let's all buckle in because as they say "beauty is skin deep but stupid is to the bone".

Une belle vie

"J'ai eu une belle vie" he says to me in French. He has been retired for 20 years now and looks to be in his well-preserved 80's. I see him every time I go to a particular cafe in the St Laurent neighborhood; the older part where the mature trees and brick houses give the area its charm. 

He has a kind and patient face and a sense of calm I admire; like a college professor who would take the time to explain things to you. By now I can almost read people like a book and I wasn't wrong from the moment I spotted him. We began to nod to each other from a distance and yesterday was the first time we spoke. 

People with life philosophy and social intelligence draw me in. I want to grab any nuggets of wisdom because I am following not that far behind.

It does not surprise

It disappoints but does not surprise that there are some gender variant people who support Trump. These are the types of people who likely wouldn't be too happy living full time in his version of America especially if you don't happen to blend in. 

Some people love to use the term "our community" when it suits them and here is an instance where it is particularly highly objectionable.

Random YouTube comments

These comments from random Americans on the Bullwark post'election podcast help save my sanity

"If it's about eggs, what do these morons think Trump is going to do about it?? He thinks you need ID to buy groceries"

"Here come the January 6th pardons. America is officially a banana republic"

"I know fascism is bad, but eggs!" There's a T-shirt"

"Most Americans have become the person they voted for"

"I really hate how speaking English correctly and "using big words' is frowned upon in this country. We shouldn't have to dumb ourselves down"

"I don't want a president to be just like me. I want a president to be just like Pete Buttigieg"

"It's NOT about the Dems. It's about the haters lying their asses off"

"The Trump electorate still hasn't figured out that they were always the mark"

"Blaming trans people for losing is completely insane. That was just an acceptable excuse not to vote for Harris. I am also done with fighting for a little. People spoke, let them enjoy what they sought"

"People keep searching for answers and pointing fingers but the reality is that  despite vice president Harris running a nearly flawless campaign, there are two factors she couldn't change; she is black and a woman. To ignore the impact of that on this election would be to deny the reality of America today"

What happens now

Mary Trump's very lucid take...

A message for church leaders

Father David is spot on only the Christian nationalist Pharisees won't be interested.

Good grief we are surrounded by idiots...

You cannot make this up

With unparalleled brilliance, the Supreme Court has given a man with the instincts and restraint of a toddler, perfect immunity from prosecution for whatever he decides to do while in office. 

You can't make this stuff up.

No going back

For me there is no going back even if I lived in the US. I have simply come too far to go back to a schizophrenic existence plus my confidence is at an all time high. This is not because I am cavalier but because I would rather die as myself than let society or anyone else define me. 

I have a steel spine which was finally set into place with the inspiration of the youth I see out there living their lives every day. 

For the most part, my reservations about coming out proved to be completely incorrect. I had nothing to fear and people can smell it when I am living my daily life. I use the same common sense that any woman in public would use.whether tall, short or any other shape you find among humanity. My age and life experience also has strengthened my resolve because I can see society as one imagines an audience in their underwear while giving a speech. I also have a salty mouth should I ever need it. 

Not too long ago a very nice man from Pittsburgh chatted with me as he was waiting for a seat I was relinquishing to him in a cafe. He told me how polite we were in Montréal and was embarrassed about Trumpism. I told him not to worry as I would not hold it against him and he laughed heartily.

Phone call

This deep calm that I have feels very reassuring and as I spoke to Caryn yesterday I think she could detect it in my voice. She worries about the recent Trump victory even as she lives in a heavily blue state and falls completely under the radar given her early transition. Still, she is an advocate and wants to help transgender people trying to live their daily lives openly and in peace. Many of them don't have the advantage of stealth that she does; something she does not ever take for granted.

Like Connie, when she read my old blog she tells me she knew where I was headed before I did.

She is extremely politically savvy and it helps to talk to someone like her about the contrast between my own happiness and the distress I feel for our world in its current state.

Infrastructure

I was thinking about how countries get to the brink of accepting authoritarianism and things usually need to get fairly desperate. Sometimes it is thrust upon them through a coup but other times it is through despair that their current system does not work and never will. 

In the early 1970's after Watergate, the American right wanted to avenge what happened to Nixon and over a number of years an infrastructure was built. They had their own radio programs where they could rail against the left with impunity and people like Rush Limbaugh could spout screeds about the evils of the democratic party.  They also built think tanks like the Heritage Foundation which helped cook up Project 2025 which is ready to be force fed to a largely unsuspecting public.

Enter Rupert Murdoch with his own right-wing leanings as he expanded his empire from his native Australia to add to that foundation of resentment against a society increasingly hostile to the old ways which perfectly suited the white man. 

If Trump won the election it was certainly aided by this echo chamber which fed the same diet of hate pablum to audiences who weren't necessarily politically savvy but loved to have their fears stoked into anger from the safety of their living rooms. 

Last night, Jimmy Kimmel delivered a monologue to America asking they make the best of it and at times fought back tears. Later in a segment he showed people in the street being asked if they were going to vote when the election had in fact already happened. All of them, save for one who said he never voted, were obtuse and said that they intended to. That is of course also part of the problem and I laughed but wasn't surprised in the least.

Many who voted for Trump, have no clue what is going to hit them and there will be buyers remorse like there always is. Except that this remorse will be a little worse than usual.

I wish I disagreed

 

What it means

Robert Reich is not wrong here.

I texted Caryn who transitioned in her twenties and she is not amused with good reason.

Someone wrote a comment on a video I loved which read "do you remember before the internet that people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of information? Yeah, well it wasn't that"...

I wasn't wrong

Well I wasn't wrong about idiocracy. There is no cure for it especially in an age that openly celebrates and basks in stupidity and ignorance. We now let the chips fall where they may with more talk of sharks and batteries for good measure.

This election was about problems that have been building for decades starting in the 1990's under Neoliberal ideals. Today people are scared and worried about their future and thus more susceptible to despots even one as miserably and grotesquely incompetent as Trump.

We've seen this before in history and usually it's messy but the silver lining might be the errors made during this presidency will allow millenials and GenZ to formulate plans and ideas for the world to come assuming we don't blow ourselves up first.

I always have hope that there are enough people out there intelligent enough not to be fooled by rhetoric but am often proven wrong. But in fairness to the electorate they felt their fortunes were not doing well under a capitalist system that is waning in its bloated state. The little guy is losing out and they are willing to take risks that may yet bite them in the behind.

Unfortunately, some of the buffoons about to be put into key positions will show their ineptitude rather quickly. Get ready for RFK in charge of health.

No matter what, an overhaul in America was long being called for and so, for mostly worse in the interim, here it is.

At the very least the late night comics will get new material.

The flamboyant kid

 

Outer skin

If your impetus for gender variance is rooted in identity it shouldn't matter how you are dressed at all times. You can express yourself in a myriad of ways and always know who you are because identity comes from an internal sense of self. This includes what you decide to do or not do with your body. 

We don't become different people because our outer skin changes.

Conversely, if your cross gender expression has an expiry date after which there is desire to go back to your "normal", there is no reason to question anything. Just enjoy it but without distress.

Labels, most especially tired and antiquated ones, need not apply.

If it works for me

Every time I try to understand conservatism as a dogma I fail. Don't get wrong, I know where it comes from. I simply fail to sympathize with it. 

It should never really be left versus right in the first place but rather a stance which uses common sense principles to improve life for as many people as possible using reason. We understand it's never going to be perfectly fair but systems built to only benefit the few are not moral.

Conservatism at its core is firstly about fear of change which doesn't always have the best intentions. Slave owners were not happy to give up their property to the pleas of goody abolitionists who wanted the freedom and welfare of their captives.

Many conservatives of today might readily scoff that they aren't like that but then they have the benefit of hindsight from which they can laugh at what we now recognize as blatant lack of judgment. Except that in the mid 19th it wasn't so clear cut for everyone.

In general, the sentiments of conservatives seem to come from a place which ostensibly says "Don't change what works especially if it benefits me and please don't bother me with any inconvenient details"

I cannot sympathize.

Time's up

 

Goals

Having less things to aim for in life isn't bad it's just different. When you are younger you are busy shooting for targets which keeps you busy. Today there is nothing to shoot for in particular for other than to fine tune your patience and calmness as the world around you spins around chasing its own tail. You have already hit your milestones and they are behind you.

It can be an odd feeling not to have major goals but you slowly become accustomed.

People can be very nice

They didn't have my foundation color at Sephora and the young man checked that it had indeed been discontinued so he helped me match with the one I had in my purse. 

I waited in line and then asked a young woman behind me to give her opinion on the match. She was happy to help and agreed it was very close.

Third opinion was at the cash where the young lady approved of the tiny difference between the shades which I use sparingly anyway. 

Many people are very nice.

One for the history books

When the history books finally summarize Trumpism it will be as a case study for why there is no cure for human stupidity, ignorance and callousness. Watching cowards supplicate themselves before a revolting imbecile has been turning my stomach for several years now. 

People who called Trump a fascist and unfit for office folded up their spines and later licked his boots with glee. In the process any remaining self-respect was jettisoned for expediency, avarice or some other malaise of weak character. 

You feel bad for people waiting in line at Trump rallies spouting social media gibberish and it has made me despair that we will continue to create people without any thinking skills to speak of. They will continue to fall victim to people who plot with Machievellian fervor to advance their own fortunes at their expense. 

While I am hopeful for a Harris victory, the root problems which currently exist on a global scale will take longer than the patience of people looking for saviors with quick answers will allow.

No simple cures.

The good old days

At the extreme ends of each metro platform there are placards that read in French "thinking about suicide? Please first call this number". Sometimes the metro is interrupted and over the loudspeaker we hear there is delay because of an incident. We never know the cause. 

These placards didn't used to be there but we live in a more desperate time where we have gained desperation and anxiety but lost the intolerance of the era of my youth with a celebration of diversity I am very thankful for.

It turns that there are no good old days but instead we just seem to trade sets of societal circumstances.

People with periods

Rain Dove's confidence is infectious...

Having it all

Quite a while back I discovered that you cannot have it all in this life. The best you can try for is some formula which gets you stability with some degree of fulfillment. 

After a successful career and raising two wonderful kids something had to give somewhere and full authenticity beckoned. I didn't listen to it and so it yelled a little louder so I would pay attention. 

Now I realize that spreading myself too thin was slowly doing me in. I keep using the phrase "being all things to all people" because it applies when you are juggling too many things. In the process you get lost and have your molecules spread out into useless fragments you cannot use.

No, you cannot have it all but you can find your center and be more than satisfied while knowing that what you thought you wanted wasn't quite right after all.

Recharging

You may have had this happen to you. You look fine when you look in the mirror except while outside navigating the world you see inside your head the person you were before you transitioned to where you are now. It doesn't matter what others see. It only matters what you do. 

It took me a while to shake this off along with the self-conciouness that comes with the bigger picture which encompasses impostor syndrome. 

One of the reasons gender variant people tend to use mirrors is to recharge a confidence which threatens to falter. You make selected pit stops to bolster a confidence that has run out of energy and needs a boost. 

After a while I realized that people were seeing me for who I really was and the confidence needed less recharging because I was never pretending to be anything other than myself.

Today mirrors are used much more sparingly.

A deeper meaning

If you think about it, life doesn't make a lot of sense. No one asks your permission but you are nevertheless thrust into a confusing world that takes much of your life to figure out. You suffer, enjoy some happiness and then time runs out except that you never know when. 

Recently I came upon some videos dealing with near death experiences which resembled each other. People are jolted into tunnels or cosmic blackness with lights in the distance. The tales all end with a newly found sense of well being and calm about knowing they will rejoin a collective consciousness that made them want to stay where they were. 

In my early thirties (right before my father fell prey to his cancer) I read a book about making sense out of suffering which was the Christian perspective of a reward as the great equalizer for lives spent here in various states of inequity. I was more conventionally devout then and yet a certain appeal remains for the idea of tying up loose ends for a life that sometimes seems devoid of order and deeper meaning.

I have left things very open while knowing we know but a tiny fraction regarding our origins or purpose and leave it at that.