Take it away

 

Before you label yourself

Before you label yourself too quickly work on a very brutally honest response to this question which relates to identity:

Who are you?

For once you know that, your need for expression will be fully understood.

Parc St Louis

 

I prefer today

Transition is whatever you need it to be. For me it was 100% mental which is all I needed to live my best version of life. Admittedly I was fortunate to have genetics which helped.

That being said, I can completely understand the need for hormones and surgery but that is entirely up to you. You may find that taking small steps gets you to the right place and if satisfied you stop. There isn't one roadmap, there is only yours.

I have always counseled reflection before acting and once ready to move forward to take the smallest action possible to make sure it's right for you. If your quality of life improves then you know you have not erred.

Transgender people weren't able to medically transition until very recently in human history and yet we have been around for millennia. We had to find ways to deal with gender dysphoria often by grinning and bearing. Today things are different and gender variant youth can take advantage of a support infrastructure even I didn't have; one which also can make them prone to error. The percentages are not huge but they are there because not everyone takes the time to make sure.

Nevertheless I prefer today by leaps and bounds.

piano improv

I wanted to try and film a little piano improv on my phone but I don't have a proper stand so you will please forgive the resting angle and the sound quality :)

Stop panicking

 

"But I'll be recognized!'

This post is for older folks like me.

I can't count how many close calls I've had over the decades starting in my mid-teens when encountering people who only knew me in male mode. Of course I would panic and get flustered and then nothing would happen. I wasn't recognized.

A recent coming out to a colleague only confirmed it. She wouldn't have recognized me. In addition, I have had to flag my own brother on the street a number of times over the years which goes to show you to what extent you need not worry.

The more flustered you look, the more conspicuous.

Most importantly, stop giving a shit and it will do wonders for your calm and blending ability.

No one cares.

Wet dreams

The Supreme Court decision on presidential immunity is entirely political and a justifiably very concerned Joe Biden echoed the warnings of dissenting judge Sotomayor during his address. America has now ostensibly endowed their president with king status and moved the goal post yet again towards autocracy which gives those in the MAGA movement erections.

The problem is that there is no easy fix for this but for the time being it falls entirety on the electorate to save their country.

I honestly think that this latest ruling has lit a fire under many Americans who were already worried about losing their democracy to right wing appetites that yearn for a strongman to save them from the dreaded societal disease of "wokeness". If this ruling doesn't enrage you as a citizen, I don't know what will.

The hubris shown here by the 6 rabidly conservative judges borders on the pathological. Along with the ruling on the Chevron precedent they have now made it easier for the next president to unleash a whole host of actions which prior versions only had wet dreams about.

Add yet another nail to the coffin.

Combination

When I talk to people I see there is often confusion regarding expression and identity. Someone will tell me that they saw someone on the metro with a full beard, make up, a dress and wearing combat boots. I tell them that this person is very much about expression and most likely has little issue with their birth sex.

When core identity is questioned there is some degree of disconnect with birth sex involved. The person might go through a period of serious questioning and ultimately decide that some form of transition is needed.

I will often use the example of drag queens which can represent expression in its purest form but also contain within it people who are questioners of identity. Ru Paul identifies purely as a gay man whereas someone like Peppermint started out as a drag artist and ultimately transitioned. Here is a perfect example of the contrast between pure artistic expression and the questioning of core identity.

Another great example would be the contrast between April Ashley and Les Lee. These were two great friends who worked in the same female impersonation industry and exhibited a different combination of expression and identity. One a serious questioner of birth sex and the other a gay man who did not.

Ashley simply used drag as a hideout for a time.

                        Two friends

Ignored

My daughter, my upstairs neighbor and I went for lunch on a terrace yesterday and then to then briefly toured the Montréal jazz festival site. It was a beautiful sunny day bustling with people and we stopped to catch a traveling band for a few tunes. 

How I love my city.

As I stood there behind the musicians with the crowd mostly facing us I thought how I have largely become invisible over the years. It's a good feeling where you know you fit. That first realization came to me when in 2018 I helped my friend Patricia with a presentation in a room filled with over 100 people where I was also ignored. I suspect because nothing about me stood out except my height which is today also ignored thanks to the plethora of tall women I see all the time.

I learned to know who I am and own it.

Why Suffering is Beautiful

 

Well said

 

Plateaux

I'm always fascinated with the plateaux of gender variant people. They are almost always a combination of life constraint and individual satisfaction of where one is at. Being an older transgender person I have lived that experience myself and now look back on it with a more analytical and less emotional lens.

Many of us married thinking that all this was no longer part of the picture only to discover that it wasn't true. However for some the ensuing balancing act worked while for others it was a miserable failure. This should be the expected result given that we are unique individuals each with very particular life scenarios.

I think about this model while realizing that today's youth don't need to face it. They simply announce themselves at the outset and attract a partner who has no issue with who they are. There is no slow reveal as one peels an onion because it is not required. They are already at self-acceptance.

Some older transgender people moved on to transition and kept their spouse (a tiny minority) but most settled for some version of an often stilted formula which more often than not included much secrecy; something which today is almost entirely pointless.

The problem is that once someone is ensconced in a precariously balanced situation there is no easy remedy especially if risk of losing something is off the table. So if one found a less than perfect scenario they could tolerate, they simply lived within their plateau and did not budge unless their particular level of gender dysphoria forced them to act.

Convincing

One of the tipoffs that we are arriving at where we need to be is not needing to convince anyone else of our identity. You also could care less about what others think.

Caring implies doubt since being concerned about the opinion of perfect strangers should be the last thing on our radar.

The only person who needs convincing is you.