She starts talking to me at the bus stop as we wait for the 44. Sweet as can be, she opens the conversation and we are suddenly talking about how she loves to run around, have coffee and occasionally hunt for bargains. She advises me on where to go for the best clothes.
Then she informs me she is 92. I tell her to keep running and she laughs.I observe people carefully and by now recognize many typologies. Some are rude, brash and arrogant while others go through life like mice not wanting to disrupt or be heard. In the middle there are all sorts and through experience we learn to navigate the eratic behaviour that sometimes ends up on our lap when we least expect.
I don't fear people but they often fatigue me and yet I have been working on my charity and patience more than ever. Altruism and kindness draw me in whilst aggressive narcissism repels. Trump for example, is one of the most distasteful archetypes I can think of which is a caustic combination of brash and entitled accented by a massive stupidity.I never imagined I'd love my current life as much as I do. It took me a long time to find a baseline but the patience was absolutely worth it. I never sold myself on anything in advance and the route of most resistance turned out to be a wise choice.
Had I gone the optimism route I might have sped things up and tried to shortcut the psychological work which I needed to rewire the brain plus for me much research was a mandatory requirement to be convinced. Along the way I avoided labeling myself as long as possible while still understanding that I had gender dysphoria and needed to address it. Ignoring was no longer an option.Well this rogue and extremist Supreme Court has overturned the Chevron doctrine which had a 40 year precedent. In simple terms, when legislators had doubts about the science of an issue they were to defer to subject matter experts in their decision making.
As of today right wing imbecile legislators who do not believe in science can get together in sufficient numbers and overrule the opinions of experts from organizations like OSHA, the FDA and the EPA.Yes, "Breathe" is a bit of a romantic tear-jerker but for my money it floats above the fray compared to others. Thanks to the wonderful performances of Andrew Garfield and Claire Foy and the fact that it is based on a true story, our investment of almost 2 hours with these characters is only increased.
Without giving anything away, there are people in this life who are innovators and pioneers. They push the limits and inspire others because they will themselves out of boxes they were put into by others.
Who we are has nothing to do with externals and everything to do with an internal sense of self. Understanding who that person is involves removing layers of useless programming which works against our aim as one does old wallpaper.
Authenticity is very difficult to fake and when a person is being genuine it will shine through because it is effortless. Conversely, someone who is fake is eventually detectable because putting up a front takes incredible effort. They may think they are doing a great job but a great many people will not be fooled. Authenticity is not a garb one puts on but is instead a reflection of core identity.I've had to be careful and not overcompensate and I'm still fine tuning.
Transgender people of my generation tended to live in secrecy and repression which built frustration. At my age I have learned to harness it and transfer it into a confidence which included being at the ready with a nasty look or a cross word if need be. Thus if you perturb me I can have a mouth like a sailor. It just never happens because people can tell I know who I am.I suspect most intelligent voters don't vote according to optics. If you had replaced Biden with a brilliant but older and wheel-chair bound FDR last night, the latter might have looked just as bad if not worse. But intelligent policy and decision making are not influenced by how one looks in front of a camera and make no mistake; Biden did not perform well.
For his part Trump is a pathological liar, an opportunistic criminal and all-around buffoon. But unfortunately there are enough undecided voters who are influenced by optics. The fact that Biden is old may be an issue but not enough to gamble away your democracy or reproductive rights. With an antiquated electoral college that no longer reflects the will of the majority, a handful of the more backward states will decide the fate of a nation that desperately needs to move forward into the 21st century with sleeves rolled up and ready to tackle some very serious challenges.
My daughter and I live in the same house but lead parallel lives. I am an early riser and she gets up late as she is a night owl. She cooks her own meals and our eating times don't line up but it's all good. Every so often we will go out for a meal as we are for this July 1st Canada day.
Having adult children means letting them go to lead their own existence. She tells me that she appreciates the freedom and that I don't badger but I am simply there as resource when she needs to talk.Things look very unstable globally. Certainly this is the most turmoil I have seen in my lifetime as I benefitted from a post-war boom which ended up taking us into the early 21st century. Sure we had our hiccups but nothing like this.
What we have now is major social and economic upheaval which is forcing us to re-examine our priorities. As the old nuclear model of the family and reliable economic structures are being fragmented we are seeing panic from right wing political forces who depended on cultural predictability. When the right is panicky they get aggressive especially when their avarice is perturbed and the poor doth protest too much.I've thought about a baseline coordinate system for many years. It's the idea that we are provided with a predetermined x and y axis to navigate inside of from the time we are born which we aren't supposed to question. Except how do we know if it is the correct for us? The answer is that we do not.
Human beings learn both by osmosis and being instructed what to do but then as one ages and realizes what has happened it may dawn on them that some of it may have been detrimental. The coordinate system they were taught was a reliable one was in fact not beneficial to them in particular.When religion becomes perverted and polluted by politics this is the result. David French was ostensibly a libertarian who ended up suffering the slings and arrows of the Trump throng.
Christian nationalism is a plague...
As I always say, human intelligence is never a guarantee but at least some of these people are entertaining...
25 years ago this cartoon would have seemed like a greatly exaggerated parody except that the portrayal here of a confused moron is spot on....
I see transgender youth every single day without fail (those I can detect that is) and their confidence and poise is so incredibly contagious.
What a difference from my time. I could just hug them.
I've never been more in touch with my femininity; so much so that many women friends and acquaintances do not know I am transgender. To become a whole person, the natural inclination I always had since very young but learned to suppress needed to be elevated.
Putting myself back together into one human being involved incorporating lived history in male guise and finding a balance between the masculine and feminine energies we all possess. Abandoning the masculine would have been a mistake since all women I know have that trait in varying proportions.One of the easiest ways to show how sex and gender are separate is to take the example of a lesbian. I used to work with a very petite and feminine engineer called Megan who happened to have a wife. Here we had an example of someone who was very comfortable with her female nature and yet was only attracted to women. There was a very clear decoupling between her gender identity and the expectation of sexual attraction for her birth sex.
Therefore one can feel feminine or masculine irrespective of birth sex and have attraction to either sex or to both. It's all very basic as Kinsey long ago discovered in his 1948 studies on male and female sexuality and Harry Benjamim found with the various combinations of gender expression and identity with his hundreds of patients.People who grew up with great self-discipline like I did can benefit from a little chaos and curve balls thrown at them for good measure. Since life is naturally and organically messy, embracing its affinity for derailing our plans can be very beneficial to our improvement of balance.
As a result, today I welcome surprise like I never used to. I also work on patience while waiting in line for disorganized people or when the metro suddenly encounters a technical problem. There is nowhere I need to be with such great urgency.It still amazes me at times how absolutely calm I am these days anywhere in public. This morning I left the house in a dress and my sensible black pumps and I felt the same lack of self-awareness as when I would present male. However, the difference now is that there is more a feeling of rightness.
This took a very long time and was gradual without big noticeable steps forward. It was a smooth curve moving steadily upwards over my lifetime as I gained confidence in who I am and began to have more options to embrace it.Poverty isn't a bug in American capitalism; it is a key feature especially if you want to maximize profit. That is until you reach a terminal point and rebellion is the invariable result...
I sometimes feel called upon to correct people who understand nothing about Ray Blanchard's work in the 1980's but parrot it without having analyzed it. For example, the term AGP is used without any comprehension and simply serves as synonym for arousal.
My latest intervention happened only yesterday further confirming that critical thinking is unfortunately not alive and well among many.
Ignorance is hard to repair and so I don't feel compelled to answer all comments which are filled with it. I only address those that might be convincing enough to those who haven't read the material properly and have only watched a synopsis on someone else's badly explained video.I think that if we are not careful, denial can help build neuroses. Older transgender people who refused to fully accept themselves and avoided looking in the mirror needed methods to cope and usually found them. Dealing with an extra layer of complexity most people do not have, they needed distractions but also mental tricks to keep the inner female at bay. I was one of them and find much affinity with those who built up intricate facades that would escape detection.
That wall has largely come down but I can tell there are little remnants of a guarded past still left. I will be talking with someone and at times wonder why they haven't read through my eyes everything I used to feel obliged to hide. But they don't and seem attracted to a lady with a nice disposition who is friendly to talk to.I happened to be standing next to them on the metro platform and I told them I loved their dresses. They turned and beamed me a smile and thanked me for having noticed. Both were maybe in their early 20's and one of them was even wearing a bow in her hair.
It's not as common today to see young ladies dressed so feminine and clearly on this Sunday morning they were going somewhere special. In general today there is more leaning towards a pragmatic androgynous appearance and yet the outliers are proud and not at all afraid to stand out. It's what I love about this generation for not far away was a young woman you could have mistaken for either gender.I was watching an old clip of Jenny Jones and 18 year old Angelina was the picture-perfect beautiful young lady in the guest chair except that she was still a boy named Angel who had not yet begun hormones. Some in the audience were clearly dumbfounded but then this was the early 1990's and transsexual women were still somewhat of a novelty.
We have learned much since then.The human isn't made to be happy but to find fulfillment in purpose. For example, anyone who has children knows that we are terrified for them and we worry which only adds to our stress and yet they bring us so much pride, joy and satisfaction.
If things are too easy in our lives and there isn't enough challenge we can become bored and the brain deteriorates from a loss of objective. Conversely if there is too much stress we can fall prey to burn outs and other health issues.If David Reimer's case showed us that John Money was wrong in that gender identity cannot be imposed, then we could argue that gender dysphoria perhaps has genetic roots.
The next question which begs asking involves the predisposition towards gender variance for those with zero problem with birth sex and the ingredients which need to be present. Certainly the binary as it was sold to us wasn't real in the sense that it frowned on the natural inclinations of some people. Contravention was simply discouraged the way left handedness was.It's amazing how perspective changes with age. We understand much better where priorities lie and what we should disregard as unimportant. A very accepting friend I have known for 40 years and I call these our "what the fuck years" where the filter comes off and you live as earnestly as you can.
Where I am can be explained to a younger person but it must be lived through experience. Nevertheless I do try and convey a message to leave much of what the world considers important by the wayside.People who tended to trivialize gender variance used to irritate me somewhat but they no longer do because it eventually sunk in that everyone has a unique experience and their own crosses to bear.
This issue had been the largely unacknowledged elephant in the room since I was very young and so for me it was no laughing matter. Those for whom cross gender expression seemed to be sport or hobby would tend to get under my skin especially considering how much suffering others had experienced where marriages collapsed and even some lives were lost.
Eventually I got cured of body shape worries by observing women. They come in every shape and size imaginable: muscular, reed-thin, short, tall, fat, etc. The one thing they have in common? they all know who they are.
Hence the key for us is to know who we are and it will show.Most days I wear hoop earrings and when not I typically wear my white pearls.
That is but one example of finding one's style which takes time and certainly morphs over the years. With daily living we develop a routine that works because we don't want to overthink like when we were restricted to the novelty and excitement of outings. If one is retired there is even less reason to dress up so I am always casual but try to add some flair nonetheless.
Plunging into the psyche requires effort and I know people who see a therapist or are into meditation. For others only their religion will do.
But if we are to regulate ourselves internal work is required and a narrative written that has enough flexibility to allow for personal growth.
Although not necessarily a fan of Chris Williamson's podcast I nevertheless found this discussion interesting
If Trumpism hasn't convinced you that idiocy is alive and well in the 21st century nothing will.
For a very long time now I have had an open invitation for AGP true believers to come and state their iron clad and bulletproof case for the validity of the theory. The fact that there have been no takers speaks volumes.
For it turns out that proving motivation requires mind reading skills few of us possess.The young today haven't needed to take advantage of an entire underground infrastructure which had been built up around gender variance. So while much of the 20th century consisted of stealth transitions, secret drag balls, dressing clubs for heterosexual married men and makeover studios, these have started to disappear as gender expression began to go more mainstream.
It's understandable that those things were put into place when in many places gender variance merited being arrested by police, but now the need for secrecy is largely gone even as some stigma remains particularly for those who are older.Quite a long while ago I stopped thinking in terms of gender variance umbrellas and focused more on the dichotomy of expression and identity from which we can then try and determine motivation and degree of investment.
Gender expression does not necessarily lead to conflict but a question of gender identity can which could produce a very different life experience. Gender dysphoria is an internal incongruence which asks a person for a response while someone without it may only need to worry about acceptance of their expression from society or a partner.When you begin to solve the challenge of a lifetime you can look up and appreciate others more. Over lunch with my sister on Monday she recalled how in her view it seemed I was always frustrated.
She wasn't wrong because keeping it all together was my primary goal and took much energy. I had disciplined myself into having things work they way they were supposed to which is why unwelcome surprises brought me so much angst. In addition, the weight of a religious upbringing made managing my gender dysphoria all the more difficult.A long time ago Rupert Murdoch figured out that the world is not exactly chock full of critical thinkers. His FOX News, New York Post and Wall Street Journal (to name just some) make sure there is heavily biased messaging to the point of even omitting information or conveniently presenting video cleverly edited to bolster their ideological leanings.
Therefore when Joe Biden appears to feeble-mindedly wander off the stage, they make sure to omit the fact that he had been going over to greet some fire fighters. Meanwhile, a clearly imbecilic Trump slurs his way through disjointed speeches about batteries, sharks and water pressure with nary a comment.I can almost summarize all my years of reflection and research on gender variance into one post.
Firstly, the perfect binary does not exist and never did. Human beings are subject to the same variability that nature is which means that there are permutations which organically and predictably occur without fail at both psychological and physical levels.I am walking behind someone who is sharply and defiantly disobeying gender norms and after he passes some little insecure people turn as if they have seen an apparition.
It just fortifies my opinion that baboons have considerably more intellect than many humans.A partner does not make us happy. In fact we have now doubled our odds of being unhappy because when they are dissatisfied they will typically drag us down with them.
The only recompense is that the mutual love is strong enough as recompense for the additional suffering.There's a heat dome over Montreal until Thursday. Temperatures will climb to 45C with the humidex which is just part of what is increasingly the new normal. We are shattering records across the globe but we only seem to learn by getting to the brink and inviting disaster because we are selfish and limited creatures.
I wore a light summer dress this morning and made sure my purse contained the Spanish fan which is now a staple during what over the years has become my least favorite season. At the tail end of the lunch with my sister the sweltering heat had already begun.Eldar Djangirov is such a clean technical player and yet still very musical. A mix between Peterson, Tatum, Corea and Lyle Mays...
The lunch with my sister more than met expectation. We both agreed it was long overdue.
I can now put a check mark next to her name:)
At this age I am a not so little chatterbox.
The barista at this quaint little café on Bernard Street was from France and only a year older than my daughter. As she made my coffee we bantered about life after I had signaled that I was in no rush plus thus far for her it was quiet morning.
I think the reason that fear dissipates greatly once we have touched identity is that we realize how much of an accomplishment its been to get to get there. By comparison, concern for public scrutiny and opinion is a pittance. Many human beings lead repressed lives on many fronts which is one of the reasons for so much frustration in the world.
Lack of fear doesn't mean being careless with safety but instead stopping to give weight to things that have very little significance. Today's lunch with my sister (assuming it's not postponed) will be another indicator of where I am. For certain it would have seemed much more daunting to me even a few years ago because more seemed to be riding on it. I still looked for validation from outside when today I know viscerally in my bones it is something you provide for yourselfDignity and self-respect were once treasured commodities. People may not have had a lot of money but they placed importance on their civility, discretion and showcased their best behaviour because it was important. Even our architecture, our cars and electronics were crafted for longevity and quality. They reflected what we were striving for which was not always just expediency and getting to the bottom line.
We have lost much in our societies even as I laud the increasing freedom of people to be who they are.Am I treated differently now? Yes overall I am and I would say more pleasantly. Women are certainly friendlier towards me perhaps because I am on their team. But I also realize I am outside the confines of the work environment.
I think about whether this treatment also involves my having become more relaxed and more myself even as I recognize that there are often gender dynamics at play during interactions. However I would like to think that those have relaxed over the decades and that the current youth is largely dismantling the old conventions.Observed on a Saturday morning.
He is tall, bearded and a man bun adorns the head. On the ears are large hoop earrings, on the body a wrap dress and on the feet feminine golden sandals. If he is over thirty, by my estimation, it's not by much.
He looks confident and carries a happy smile which is all that counts.I used to enjoy watching Bill Maher but now he grates against my nerves. His smugness used to be forgivable because at least his stance on so many issues seemed to be in the right place.
He doesn't think he has changed but insists that the left abandoned him. His proud self-labelling of classic liberal seems to be reinforced by his attacking what he calls the "Woke left" and in the process he picks up thick-headed right wing sympathizers who want to showcase him as a converted leftist who has seen the light.
I am at a junction in life I never imagined was even possible and so I never strove for it. Even knowing from a very young age that I was different, did not encourage me to consider any other possible scenario than the one set for me early on.
We cannot help who we are and yet here we ponder the question of whether we should honor or suppress it. For a very long time I chose the latter even as I weighed whether I had planted the seed in my own psyche or it was set for me from the outset. That this turned out to be a moot point it is because I clashed so dramatically against the grain of convention. This is how a minimalist management approach was adopted as mitigation.Just out of the blue one of the sisters I had partly written off suddenly contacts me and says she wants to have lunch. It will be this Monday.
Well what do you know :)I can see now how it happens. Back in 2016 the bar was still somewhat high for the tolerance of caustic discourse and flaunting of civil behaviour. Fast forward to 2024 and that Access Hollywood tape wouldn't even register with the public.
The same parallel can be drawn with the appetite for authoritarian rule which is spoken about daily by both those who fear it and those who welcome it. I can see how Germany might have moved slowly from Weimar Republic to Nazi rule within the space of a decade.Becoming fully ourselves not only removes the need for comparison to others but also frees the mind from the idea that we are trying to somehow fool the public. I do not like the concept of "passing" because it implies subterfuge and being someone you aren't. You may or may not have had any surgeries and yet the idea that you are always yourself is inescapable.
The concept of the self is sourced entirely in the mind and is independent of what our body looks like which is why our psychology is so primordial in developing identity. The more I became rooted in that thinking the better I blended because people evaluate us by the confidence we exude which shows them we know exactly who we are.Not 20 minutes ago I encountered a GenZ transgender woman on Montréal's busiest thoroughfare so sure of herself in her own skin and so oblivious to the public that I couldn't help but note it here.
I love them to bits.If wearing female clothing has ever given you a buzz, well that should disappear with a daily routine that helps you determine who you are. I reflect on this evolution of mindset where you comprehend that for you there is no going backwards even as you confirm that the novelty has long ago dissipated.
I remember my gender therapist back in 2007 noting that after our sessions I would often look for my reflection in the window which by evening served as a murky mirror. It was my way of making sure it confirmed I was presentable enough to the world even as I then struggled with how to rid myself of the feelings.The more we strip away the artificial intricacies of this life, the more it can start to make less sense to us. We are born, we distract ourselves for a few decades and then our time is up. No one asked in advance if we wanted to participate.
Philosophers and religions have wrestled for millennia with the meaning of life and how navigate it. As we become older we might lose faith because we see through much of the futility of trying to change the reprehensible and yet there is much comfort in understanding what merits our attention; what is truly important and how to prioritize it. This is how we can reinvigorate our lives.Andrej Pejic was one of the first models to break gender boundaries. Before he ultimately transitioned to Andreja there was a period where he fascinated the public with an ethereal and at times androgynous beauty and a confidence that said "I know who I am". There was no hiding from anyone and the self-assured nature came out on the runway as well as during interviews which is what I most admired.
The journey of all gender variant people takes place principally in the mind which is where identity and confidence are sourced and what I liked most was that nothing seemed to faze Andrej. He took all comments regarding his career completely off the shoulder as if they held no value because they didn't.
Andreja is a woman now having undergone the full transformation with the same sense of self one has when comfortable in their own skin. Perhaps it was always there.
Angele and I have really hit it off. An introspective introvert, she measures her words carefully before she speaks. Like me, she has a limited battery life for socializing and likes crowds about as much as I do.
When I see her at the Cote de Neiges café we both frequent, we sit together and catch up on life and pepper our commentary with where we are philosophically. At 70 she is at the same place and is weary of societal obligation and the pomp that often accompanies it. I love that about her and the repartee we share is filled with nods of agreement.Yesterday I emailed HR and explained that I wanted only the initial of my first name to appear on email or MS Teams for example. Many former close colleagues in my former company know I am transgender but I told her that this was my best compromise without doing a global coming out and still honor my identity. Not everyone needs to know.
However, since I am still consulting sporadically I wanted to reflect where I am in my journey.
I was expecting red tape pushback but got none and she responded very favorably as their policy on diversity is always being trumpeted. There is even a young transgender woman working full time in my former office which is something I thought I would never see. She snuck in just after I retired.
Once we understand social dynamics it can become a kind of game. We learn to recognize archetypes and their behaviour and can predict it.
For example, I derive great satisfaction from ignoring someone who wants to get my attention or I will give an indiscreet woman a once over once I realize by her expression that I am too tall for her liking. Years of practice teaches you things about people.The disconnect is hard for us outside the US to swallow even as many of us understand the process that got us here. There is huge dissatisfaction among the people who have been manipulated by both parties and are now sharpening their pitchforks readying for the revolt.
While the GOP was working on their strawman culture war strategy, the Dems had been counting on the belief that failed ideas inherent in Neoliberalism would save them. Free trade policies which go back to the early 1990's were to save America but instead only lined the pockets of a tiny group while the rest were left with job insecurity and increasing costs. Bailing out huge greedy corporations during the 2008 crisis only made the problem worse.I am very aware of the brain rewiring which is taking place since the pandemic and even more so during this early phase of retirement. It's the last steps in the exercise I needed to complete regarding who I am proving that neuroplasticity is indeed a thing.
Transgender people (particularly older ones) need to build up a strong backbone and sense of self if they are to live openly in the world. It does not matter how well you blend in because your biggest enemy is going to be yourself as most people could care less about you once they notice you are confident in your skin. Identity comes from inside.She lives on only $1,800 a month and is now looking for a tiny studio apartment she can afford after having lost her flatmate who went back to living with his family. I used to see her sometimes and we would always chat and I would give her money when I had it.
She slurs because she has no teeth and this morning it was she who saw me. I felt terrible that I didn't have any cash but at least we overlapped for a few minutes and I listened to how she manages. Last night she found a cozy spot outside and managed to sleep. She also told me that the Quebec government wiped away $2,800 of debt that she had.N in so many ways was perfect for me. She was tall, beautiful and highly intelligent. It was a match made in heaven for someone who thought they had won the lottery. The idea that I had matched with someone who did not wretch at my being so different was, at the time, a notion beyond my wildest dreams.
It's funny how life works however because my being transgender didn't break us up even as I would at times have very candid discussions when I was still weighing the potential I might one day medically transition.I never go to malls anymore but today it's raining and I decided to go the Carrefour Laval which is just north of the city. Getting there by metro requires a zone B pass whereas I only have a zone A which covers just Montréal island. However I have my little cheat.
I reserve a Communauto at the last metro station on the island and then drive the short 15 minutes to my destination. Once there I ditched my white sneakers in favor of my black patent block heel pumps et voila I'm a dignified lady again although not one who is overdressed by any means.
Overthinking is such a common problem. I know I have it and would masticate things over in mind until I had exhausted myself. I know I am not the only one.
Then there are those who act more reflexively and rely on instinct and feeling who I have never really understood and I ask myself whether this is something which comes baked in with the DNA when it comes to either predisposition.Stella shares my frustrations with the sheer amount of stupidity out there. But for my own benefit, I am working on letting it go...
With 20/20 hindsight it's easy to play Monday morning quarterback. In the US disgruntled conservatives are demonizing Anthony Fauci for what they say is going by the seat of his pants on closures, masks and social distancing during the pandemic but then what do you do when millions around the world are dying?
My first thought is that caution is the better part of valor and you do what makes sense in an environment where the stupidest among us were saying we ignore the "China virus" and go about our business.
Her comment stayed with me. The woman had ended up getting a recommendation for a video created by a transgender person whose title was "I enjoy being a girl"
She bemoaned that any emphasis on false eyelashes, shoes and clothing were just trappings of womanhood and did not represent what being a woman truly is and of course she was right. These are just superficial indicators of gender and an equivalency would be like saying that being a man is all about Nascar, bulking up at the gym and watching football.This blog has become mostly irrelevant and yet every time I think I will take long pauses between posts I don't. It's become more personal journal than the therapy and gender theory exploration that it used to be. Writing is habit.
Humanity is an expansive mosaic of diverse ideas, cultures, beliefs and behaviour that sometimes defy categorization. Against that reality is a constant push towards herding us into predictable camps by authorities who most benefit from uniformity. We learn slowly over time that much of societal structure isn't based on rationality or fairness but instead what the prevailing power structures can get away with.The reason I don't defend all of the actions, ideas and behaviour of gender variant people is because I don't necessarily agree or relate to all of them (no doubt some don't like mine). In that sense I don't care if a person is gender variant or not. We are not all cut from the same cloth.
On the other hand, I abhor all discrimination and as long as someone isn't harming anyone else they should be able to live any way they please and I will vociferously defend it.This morning I ran into Guylaine walking her dogs. She is so very pleasant and always stops to talk to me. She tells me her job is slow at the hospital where she works as a program administrator for mental health. That surprises me a bit given what I had thought were the heavy demands.
Then on the bus I asked a woman I often see why she always wears such a warm jacket given that it's so pleasant out in the early morning. Later in with the humidex it will feel like 34C which too much for me. She told me she is one of those people who is always cold. I am in a short sleeved dress this morning and already feeling the heat. Everyone has a different set point but am constantly astounded by how much they vary.
By far and away the most important element in the life of a transgender person is their psychology. The older you are right now the more likely it was that you were dissuaded from being who you are and working that back is no easy task.
Retirement forced me into a more profound examination of my psyche because the distractions were now all removed. Therefore I have needed to build a new structure and narrative to accomodate this change of life.Once again, main shopping and resto thoroughfares in this beautiful city are being turned pedestrian-only for the summer. It's so wonderful even as I was reminded how sticky and humid this place can become.
On another note, just this morning alone I crossed paths with three young transgender people living their lives. All easily under 30.
How great is that.
I learned self-sufficiency quite young from disciplined parents and so rely on myself. It's not that I completely mistrust people, it is that I have noted that we are largely unreliable and volatile as a species. Therefore, depending on someone else whether it be for happiness or anything else is asking for a mixed and uneven bag of results.
I even had to become my own psychologist after my initial gender identity clinic treatment and worked hard to come up with a carefully measured and researched response to lifelong gender dysphoria I had not asked for. As a result, along the way I became a steady problem solver for myself and as well as others and never left solutions I sought at the hands of someone else. Maybe it's the engineer in me.
The downside is that at this age and armed with greater knowledge of how people function, I can see them coming a mile away. That can build a fatigue of predictability which hampers trust and the joy of surprise. Being young you are sometimes blindsided but at least that feeling of novelty is still there and the cynicism is yet to be developed.
For you haven't yet been sufficiently burned by haphazardness of existence.
Loudermilk is an addictive show. It's about an abrasive ex-music critic who runs an alcoholics support group. He's got plenty of personal problems, a complete lack of filter and yet he is relatable as the everyman struggling through the challenges of life.
Peter Farelly writes the show and arms the cast with plenty of one liners and biting dialogue which still manages to tug at the heart strings when it wants to. It can also indulge in a little off color humor but then it's the Farellys.Intelligent and secure people aren't the enemy of transgender people. Those tend to be the fearful and insecure ones, so now imagine being afraid of what someone who you wouldn't befriend thinks of you; especially if they are likely less intelligent. Would you let them influence how you conduct your life?
I hope not.
Existential angst is a permanent fixture of the human condition because we do not understand our purpose. We are thrown into existence and left to figure out how to navigate a largely confusing playing field full of mostly artificial rules; a reality we begin to understand when we are well into adulthood.
For those of us who want certainty there is always religious fervor. It assuages the psyche and allows them to sleep even as deep down we should conclude that we will never understand our creation and purpose while we are on this planet.Caustic theories (such as Ray Blanchard's) stating that transgender people couldn't help but transition due to a type of compulsion were likely derived from their own testimonies. Many of us who are older went to gender identity clinics having resisted our identities due to having been indoctrinated against them from a very early age. Thus a clinician would have more than likely seen someone who was conflicted rather than certain. For example, at my first meeting, I asked the Montréal General Hospital Gender Identity Clinic to cure me.
Young people who have grown up in this more open environment are far less likely to resist who they are and some may even overshoot to the point of physically transitioning and regretting. Thus theories developed in the past were based on a different type of patient who no longer exists because today they far more likely to be knowledgeable and confident.
